What puts you off a book immediately?

I've just put down 'Matrix' by Lauren Groff. Got halfway through then decided life's too short. Bored bored bored. Some lovely writing but I don't care about ANY of it. And the present tense really starts to grate after a while.

But yes, it's her ignorance that shines through. It's supposed to be a historical novel based on Marie de France, but it doesn't talk about her writing really at all. It's the 12th century but the attitudes are so modern. The nuns are all lesbians and there's loads of sex scenes which are quite tiresome. It all just seems like the work of someone who's done no research and knows very little about the 12th century, religious life, or the ways of thinking at the time. But she writes nice sentences so somehow she's lauded as a genius.

There are quite a few books published nowadays where it is painfully clear that the authors are battling against their own strictly limited knowledge of the world. I think this is, at least in part, due to how the literary world is somewhat enthralled by bright young things, straight out of university, who haven’t done anything.

A couple of years ago I started reading “The Night Circus” by Erin Morgensten, and on the first page there’s the line “What kind of circus is only open at night?” as if opening at night is abnormal for a circus. And then you realise that the author is thinking of a carnival or fairground instead of a circus. I didn’t get through many pages of that book…

I also hate present tense, particularly in historical novels.

What I am most often annoyed about though is when an author deliberately withholds information, but alludes to it. “They were never the same after what they saw the summer they turned twelve” fucking tell us what happened then rather than going another three chapters before saying “if only they hadn’t decided to go to that party that summer they turned twelve” and still not tell us. I read a book earlier this year that only revealed the information in the very last chapter.

I’m the same vein, I read a popular thriller a couple of years ago where one of the first person POV characters was in on the kidnapping, but this wasn’t revealed until halfway through, but there was no hint that perhaps he might not be panicking as much as he was making out to the rest of his family.

Dramatic irony is much more satisfying as a reader, but I suspect it is harder to write which is why authors opt for these lazy techniques for adding suspense.

Descriptions of UK women wearing panties.... It's knickers! Just read this in The Christmas Killer so came on to share my irritation.

"Sex and the City" meets "Clan of the Cave Bear"!

Ugug and Jess swap lives for a day. I would read the shit out of that book!

I hate the two time line trope. The wider the time between the two narratives the more I hate it.

"After her mother dies Ugug, the Neanderthal, is left feeling bereft however she discovers an amazing talent that will change everything.

Jess is sick of her New York life, broken up from her boyfriend and sacked from her high powered job she is ready to give it all up, then the discovery of a box of old stones changes everything".

Just... urgh.

Sherlock Holmes 'ejaculates' a lot; Mr Brown in the William books (Richmal Crompton) is another prolific ejaculator. I'm guessing the word was in common usage as a slightly more violent version of 'exclaiming' back in the early C20th.
Yes, it was.
You have to do a bit of mental adjusting to read Conan Doyle these days

@Mummyford , just saw your endorsement of the ursine smile as verbal expression. Thank you.

That reminded me that I'm often put off if the quotes on the cover are from other authors, as opposed to newspaper reviewers etc.

I'm afraid I often don't get beyond the cover or title ...

Anything pink, with curly writing, described as a 'cosy' read or with titles similiar to - 'the teashop in windy harbour' or 'the midwife of montpelier' or 'Liverpool child' - is avoided
Ditto anything described as 'this year's must read thriller', using featuring a maverick detective with lots of vices / personal problems

This is a bit later than immediately, and I'm sure there's a reason for this that escapes me, but when you're really getting into a story and then, suddenly, the author starts off with a whole new character that has no reference to the previous person. Or a whole new location. Or period in time.

It can sometimes work, but often it's hugely jarring

Dawn French is a horrible writer! Ugh. I started one of hers the other day and gave up 30 pages in. Dreadful.

Slightly on a tangent but the reference to Graham Norton reminded me - when books on Audible are read by the author.

Some voices like Graham's or Dawn French's are very difficult to listen to for 10 hours! Ditch your ego and let someone else, more suited read your (sometimes, quite good) book

I’m a lazy reader and anything in dialect seems like too much hard work to me.
Eg DH Lawrence (actually I just don’t like his stuff anyway, but the dialect doesn’t help!)

People who are famous for writing their own material in some way can make perfectly good authors. Not always, but it’s clearly within their skill set.

And then there are the others. Who are legion.

Books written by slebs - fiction or non-fiction

Agree but have to point out an exception. I was really surprised by how good a writer Graham Norton is. I got one of his books on a kindle deal and only read the blurb. Didn't realise it was that Graham Norton.

Books written by slebs - fiction or non-fiction

If any character quirks their lips or eyebrows, I’m out of there. It infuriates me. I buy a book on kindle, search for the word, and if the word is used for anything other than an unusual personality trait or habit, I immediately return it for a refund.

If it's been written by Nadine Dorries.