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Original poster

bad sex awards: how about childbirth?

259 replies

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 16:55

Article in the Times touched on the literary award for bad sex in a novel. I wondered whether any one has any contributions for a literary bad birth in a novel?

Can't think of any toe curlingly embarrassing childbirth in fiction myself, but a funny one in Adrian Mole, when Adrian witnesses the birth because the nurses mistakenly thought he was the baby's father, so we see the birth through his eyes and then the fun of the nurses' horror when they realised who he was! (Thanks Sue Townsend - a memorable scene.)

OP posts:
MerryAnnSinglemas · 30/11/2007 23:29

'May contain nuts' is one

Vulgar · 30/11/2007 21:32

I think I'd like john o Farrell too. What has he written?
(ignorant emocion)

MerryAnnSinglemas · 30/11/2007 21:19

yes do !

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 21:17

I think I am confusing Parsons with John O'Farrell. It is O'Farrell who observes women very well. Will check tomorrow and find the particular passage in the book that moved me to tears.

MerryAnnSinglemas · 30/11/2007 21:13

am not keen on Tony Parsons - I like John O'Farrell

MerryAnnSinglemas · 30/11/2007 21:12

charliegal - now I do remember that white hot ring of pain !!

Original poster
Elasticwoman · 30/11/2007 20:35

Please never try to emulate Tony Parsons, UQD. He needs a Bad Literature Award all of his own. Absolutely vomitworthy. But i really like Nick Hornby.

Being famous isn't everything. Look at Jeffrey Archer.

OP posts:
charliegal · 30/11/2007 19:37

I am interested in how many of you mentioned 'The L-Shaped Room', as I immediately thought of it when I read the thread title. I read it 20 years ago when I was 15 and the description has stayed with me, particularly something about a white hot ring of pain. My ante natal teacher used to talk about the ring of fire when the baby is crowning, ouch and I always thought of that book.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 30/11/2007 19:21

ROLF Pan, that reminds me of when I was a student and we had a set of Erotic Fridge Magnet Poetry - we discovered you could write quite a decent range of Jamie Oliver/Nigella Lawson/Nigel Slater style recipes with it!

PanTheBruce · 30/11/2007 18:32

try this one..from Jamie Oliver

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 18:30

Tony Parsons observes women very well, i think.

lionheart · 30/11/2007 18:11

A teeny clue?

UnquietDad · 30/11/2007 18:01

I did accidentally "out" myself on the books thread a while back, but I think only one person noticed.

UnquietDad · 30/11/2007 17:49

It isn't exactly a childbirth scene, more the main female character remembering what it was like. I have read it aloud at a festival and got appreciative comments from female members of the audience! Maybe those who thought it was laughable didn't say anything.

No, I'm not Tony Parsons. Not that famous.

Vulgar · 30/11/2007 17:45

I keep thinking UQD is Tony Parsons.

?

Original poster
Elasticwoman · 30/11/2007 16:51

I know who you are UQD but will not be sending you any underwear. Do you think I will like your childbirth scene(s) or will I pillory you on MN & laugh you to scorn???[Elastic searches for Scary emoticon.]

OP posts:
Original poster
Elasticwoman · 30/11/2007 16:45

I remember the giving birth bit in the L Shaped Room. A great read on the whole, but crap about birth because there was stuff about the heroine choosing not to have pain relief and then resenting the baby for causing her a lot of pain. Complete myth about lack of pain control in labour in labour affecting bonding, esp when normal birth occurs without extra damage, and the woman's choice was respected. It's when things spin out of control and the mother gets into distress that long term psychological damage is more likely I think.

It's a long time since I read it though and I haven't checked the text so am ready to be corrected if any one else would like to.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 30/11/2007 15:55

I don't like to think!
Do you know Gareth Creer, then, Swedes? I did a reading with him once.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 15:28

UQD - Which 15% would she take? Not the gusset, surely?

UnquietDad · 30/11/2007 14:57

Oh, I know Gareth!

If you sent knickers to my agent she would take 15% before forwarding them.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 30/11/2007 13:01

PMSL Swedes!

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 12:59

Kathy - I normally send mine via the publisher. I suppose if one were to send them directly to the author's home, it would be polite to enclose a few loose Harrobos for the children. Or if there are no children a herbal teabag for the wife.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 30/11/2007 12:54

It never occurred to me people would want to send him their knickers. Do they send them directly, or via his agent?

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 12:39

Not sure why you are worried about "outing" yourself. I would imagine the result would be an awful lot of Mumsnetters wanting to buy and read your books. Only a few would want to send you their used knickers in the post.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 30/11/2007 12:35

I thought you might be Gareth Creer but he used to be an investment banker .

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