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Original poster

bad sex awards: how about childbirth?

259 replies

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 16:55

Article in the Times touched on the literary award for bad sex in a novel. I wondered whether any one has any contributions for a literary bad birth in a novel?

Can't think of any toe curlingly embarrassing childbirth in fiction myself, but a funny one in Adrian Mole, when Adrian witnesses the birth because the nurses mistakenly thought he was the baby's father, so we see the birth through his eyes and then the fun of the nurses' horror when they realised who he was! (Thanks Sue Townsend - a memorable scene.)

OP posts:
LaDiDancesroundtheXmastree · 05/12/2007 22:07

Think I've worked out who UnquietDad is.

Can I easily make your name into a rude anagram?

Botbot · 05/12/2007 22:03

I am also going to purchase an example of your Proper Literature, by way of apology for indelibly associating your name with toilets in the minds of all Mumsnetters .

onebatmother · 05/12/2007 21:57

don't push your luck

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 21:52

(onebat - if you like it I have two previous offences on the fiction front which you may like to consider...)

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 21:51

Part of me wishes I'd never mentioned it... I feel a bit guilty for having hijacked the thread, and also there are Dissenting Voices in other parts of this place who feel I perhaps Mention My Vocation Too Much.

On the other hand:
Ker-ching!

onebatmother · 05/12/2007 21:44

For anyone out there who didn't take Latin, Labia is the plural of Labrador.

UQD: have purchased your Proper Literature
novel off of Amazon.

How badly do you wish you'd never mentioned f**king childbirth scene?

We don't have indoor toilet at Batcave, and no-one likes to hang around reading comedy non-fiction in freezing cold.

Swedes is very classy and has indoor toilet and Friends In High Places. High Places People have warm loos so work on her.

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 19:00

I've given the most clues ever!
Read booktype threads in september with UQD.
Simple.

whitehorsesfortoomanycourses · 05/12/2007 17:08

still struggling to work this one out - have been lurking since yesterday (in between putting off writing myself!) think brain might be giving up judging by how many people have 'got it' - or is the peeny just being incredably low to drop .. clues or a summary anyone?! Tis bugging me now!

Birdly · 05/12/2007 17:02

Rosmerta - I've been lurking since yesterday too. Am alarmed at the empty state of my brain. Things never used to be this way!

I blame two kids and the pressures of being involved in the cut-throat world of pre-school fundraising!

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 16:08

You may laugh, but said toilet book has been a perennial bestseller... I'm laughing, if not all the way to the bank, then at least part of the way there!!

Kathyis6incheshigh · 05/12/2007 14:47

No novel can be classified as serious which mentions labia.

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 14:45

Don't forget his serious novel.
That is the important bit.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 05/12/2007 14:43

Poor UnquietDad....destined to be remembered as the author of a classic of toilet literature.... so sad

Still, at least if we all buy his books, his children can have turkey for Christmas this year instead of gruel.

Botbot · 05/12/2007 14:40

Smallest room, then. Or whatever you call a room with just a toilet in it.

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 14:38

Lol, in the toilet, I suggest you take it out and put it in the airing cupboard, it may end up crinkly but still readable.

Botbot · 05/12/2007 14:37

Oh - just realised pinky-red book has already been discussed. Sorry. It's a classic of toilet literature though [that is a compliment, btw].

Botbot · 05/12/2007 14:31

I've sneakily sussed out who you are, UQD, and I believe I have one of your books in my toilet! (it has a pinky-red cover and very definitely does not mention childbirth). Your secret is safe with me though .

rosmerta · 05/12/2007 14:25

Got it, feel quite embarrassed that it took me so long!!

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 14:14

Yes, Habbibu, I actually thought I was wrong as it was too obvious.

rosmerta · 05/12/2007 14:13

I've been lurking since yesterday and still can't figure it out

Habbibu · 05/12/2007 14:07

Oh phew - worked it out! It's quite unsubtle once you realise, isn't it?

Is it me, or is there something missing from the links page of your website?

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 13:47

Me too swedes, I often yell 'Oh, Mr Tumnus' at the crucial point.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 05/12/2007 13:44

Ah, yes, Narnia. Now there's a word I do use during sex.

sfxmum · 05/12/2007 13:43

UQD this is an atheist music/ cinema/ sci fi obsessed interested household, where dh was at one point a SAHD
probably target audience

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 13:43

I think it is a creature from Narnia.

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