What would you say to cancer if you could? Share your thoughts and stories with us to celebrate Victoria Derbyshire's memoir Dear Cancer, Love Victoria - a copy of the book plus a £100 House of Fraser voucher to be won

It's because of cancer that I have a job as a nurse. It is also because of cancer that I was widowed at 31 years old.

Thanks stopf x yep its a pile of shit at the mo. Just wanted to highlight the other non physical effects a cancer diagnosis has on a family.

Sorry not sox!

I'll get my coat ...

Sox for double post!

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Orion would like to offer the 'winner' a choice between the House of Fraser voucher or a £100 donation to the charity of their choice

No, a charity donation wasn't the basis of this promotional thread

MNHQ wrote Share on this discussion thread for a chance to win a copy of the book and a £100 House of Fraser voucher

Orion can offer the donation in addition to the book and voucher but not instead of.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Orion would like to offer the 'winner' a choice between the House of Fraser voucher or a £100 donation to the charity of their choice

No, a charity donation wasn't the basis of this promotional thread

MNHQ wrote Share on this discussion thread for a chance to win a copy of the book and a £100 House of Fraser voucher

Orion can offer the donation in addition to the book and voucher but not instead of.

Pnutter

I am so sorry to read what you have been through . I send my very best wishes for you and your children. It sounds very hard .

No words reallly but a stranger is thinking if you and wishing that things can ameliorate

I nominate @reallyanotherone as deserving the £100 voucher.

Sorry that sounded a bit weird like I am wishing cancer on her or something. Obviously I’m not! I shall blame my incoherence on chemo and steroid brain

That’s a lovely idea Becky :)

I hope it’s OK to post a link here to the cancer support thread just in case it is of interest to anyone. (Victoria is very welcome too! )

There was an interview with Victoria about the book/her cancer experience in this month’s Good Housekeeping, which I thought was interesting. Apparently there was a lot of backlash after she shared the video where she held up signs saying she had cancer in the morning and didn’t in the evening (after her surgery). I said the exact same thing after my surgery. I found it odd having chemo when I didn’t have cancer anymore. Though in my case I was mistaken.

Cathy sorry I missed your link. Thank you for sharing. I will have a listen later :)

Dear Cancer, you've taken my peace of mind for 7 years, and my job, and now as a knock on effect, my home. Me and the kids are being evicted. I am starting more treatment and im trying to find a home at the same time and keeping dd going through her final year at primary and ds going through his depression. You have subjected me to some horrible surgeries. Youve kept my mouth shut as people dont want to hear. You are taking the life of another lady i know with the same, as we speak. We talk about you a lot behind your back Cancer, and none of it good. There's 33 of us slagging you off in a fb group and although you are deemed an unusual cancer, all 33 of us know you inside out and we are all one voice in this way. Youve brought us together.

Very refreshing to hear that other people also hate all the winning and losing battles imagery surrounding this disease. Anthropomorphising it makes it worse. It takes courage to get on with things and try
to make a new normal, I think, but it's a fight to preserve a normality rather than defeat a force. As for the pink shit....grrrrrr.

Agree with everyone else

This thread has been a breath of free air. When I read the OP I assumed I'd be a minority voice in saying "hang on, that's unhelpful".

Argh - stage 3. Don't want to be wishing stage 4 upon myself!

You make me miserable beyond belief. GO.

It's an interesting book Cathy. It's exactly four years today since my diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer in both breasts. Both my dad's Mum and Grandmother were dead by then. I was 36.
Lots more people are living with cancer. Palliative care needs improved though.

WhatwouldLesley

This episode of Desert Island Discs might be of interest. The castaway is Siddhartha Mukherjee a cancer specialist who wrote a book about the disease called The Emperor of All Maladies His music choices are awful but he has an interesting take on cancer and treatment.

There is one thing that would have helped my father rather than urging him to battle bravely or to anthropomorphise the cancer. That would have been for him to have had the awareness to have taken his symptoms to the doctor earlier. That might have bought him a decade. Being of the "mustn't grumble" generation served him well until the point came when he needed to grumble.

same here, we never used the battle or fight term with my dad

and he also endured his sufferings with forebearance (sob) and fortunately he had a cancer where the death was gentler than some

here's the thing there is no right opinion, we ALL have lost someone we love to cancer, we all will.

its only here on MN we have can have a sensible discussion about the shitty language we use around cancer, maybe people think it in RL but wont say it?

there is also the culture of fear, whilst many people die from it, a lot of people don't and then go on with their lives.

and what people never seem to discuss is the long term disability, its like you SURVIVE or you LOSE THE BATTLE

there appears to be widespread lack of acknowledgement of people who have had it but are disabled after, have chronic pain, lose function of certain aspects of their body, etc

I couldn't have put it better than reallyanotherone.

I also find the anthropomorphising and the urging for brave struggles to be counterproductive for many who suffer through cancer and then simply die.

My father didn't have a brave struggle. He just endured his sufferings with forebearance until he died from renal failure.

KIng I am sorry about your friend . Those things never leave you do they ? My friend also died young and I was very traumatised about her passing and her final months too .

But she didn't have kids of her own 🙏🏼 And we are grateful for that

guest2013 Cancer is not and never will be a privileged way of dying. You seem to forget babies and children dying after suffering atrocious pain.

My dear friend C. died in despair leaving behind a 10 y daughter. She was a single mum, and she was so worried, scarred who would look after her D,D, what would become of her, who would be there for her. She was 35 and cancer robbed her from building the memories you mention. Her last months were not happy, but dark, black, filled with anguish and nothing we could say or do made a difference .

And I reckon you haven't seen "Stop the Horror" . Not everyone had the happy-comfy-chair high as a kite death. For some, morphine doesn't work.

guest2013 you can voice your opinion and share your views but a more attentive choice of words would have been more sensitive.
"Cancer, a privileged way of dying", is an insult.