steve biddulph - misogynist bully?

I like that that he acknowledges the fact that bringing up boys is different from bringing up girld. And before I had a boy I would have gone to the stake for the theory that they are the same, it's what you do with them that makes them different. 6 years down the line, I accept that boys and girls are different - they need different parenting and schooling and there isn't enough discussion about this. Biddulph certainly made mr think about this, even if I don't agree with everything he says

That's fair CTA - I can agree with that.

Is he deliberately emotive in his phraseology in order to bully or just crap when it comes to scientific rigour?

Rather a lot of actuallys there. Oops.

Well quite Cristina. I think we actually agree on this one. I don't buy the books either. Was lent this by an enthusiastic friend. I read it while ds was at nursery. Wasn't tempted to rush and get him...

I don't think he's a misogynist. I don't think he has it in for women. I think he has it in for people who disagree with him.

And actually I think that assuming that criticisms of childcare choice are levelled at women rather than parents is actually pretty sexist.

Newlifenewname - I think it's ridiculous to use emotive language ("slamming" children in daycare) but that's what sells books, sadly. A journal wouldn't have accepted such language. Different audience.

Beckybrastraps - I'm all for science and research! See my postings about (against) homeopathy. But I won't believe everything I read because I know that none of those authors have met me, my child, my family etc (I think in other sciences it's called ecological fallacy). As I said, I didn't feel particularly got at by SB's one book I read, but then it was all blanditudes.

"his way of expressing his opinions is bullying because there will be some women who are nervous about what they are doing and he uses emotive stories based only on his own experience (alongside the countless studies) to make them feel bad about their choices."

WTSS - I'd say that the existence of nervous women unsure of their choices is simply an unfortunate fact rather than bullying. He uses anecdotal and research evidence to support his argument NOT to to make women feel bad - that is your negative assumption tainting the evidence!

Research psychologist thinks to herself "shall I publish my study on attachment/development/childcare correlations? Oooh! better not in case their are some unfortunate indecisive mothers out there..."

Ridiculous.

actually, I think that you are grossly misrepresenting or at least fundamentally misunderstanding what he has to say, having just re-read some bits of his books I have on my shelf.
that's your prerogative of course

agree with hippmummy

WTSS - I do agree with you that to simply condemn childcare but not show how you can limit any potential damage can be scaremongering and unhelpful.

But I disagree that he is being misogynistic for reasons others have mentioned - he believes in strong parenting. Mothers just happen to be the main early years care-givers. This is not patronising, but fact.

I believe he strongly advocates what he believes is best for children, which is where you maybe reading into it that he says you are a 'crap parent' if you don't adhere to his theory.
But I think any parent who feels they are being told they aren't doing the right thing, on any issue, may feel they are being patronised.

I just don't find his approch smug or bullying at all.

Cristina - 'basing your assumptions on what studies have shown'? That doesn't actually seem an unreasonable thing to do. It is the basis of most research surely?

I actually agree with you that all children are individuals, and the average results from a population may not necessarily hold true for your child, but they make a good starting point from which to assess things I think.

i have read 'Raising Boys'. What Biddulph is good at is being child centred and focussed around the needs of the child, and he doesn't shy away from stating parental responsibilities, if you get it wrong you may screw up your kid; man or woman, I don't think he cares, he just has a child centred view.

He's great at stressing the importance of mothers AND fathers to children.

maybe he isn't great with advice for under 3's but i found his advice really helpful for me and my son.

"I think he believes the ideal would be for babies to have one-to-one care for the first 3 years. Lots of people believe this, including many mothers. It's just often not particularly practical or realistic to achieve in modern society." Spot on. I don't think it's this bit there's a disagreement about, it's how you put across that p.o.v.

I read only one of his books and read the intro and bits & bobs from another. I didn't dislike it, the one I read was quite old by now and I think lots of what he said have become common knowledge meanwhile.

"Condemning the choices some women make does not make you a misogynist." But you may well come across as one if you make blanket generalisations and base your assertions on what the theory says or what studies have shown rather than the woman you're condemning with your opinion.

why is it a choice that 'women' make. why not a choice that parents make.

wtss
I think you are reading alot of assumption into his work that isn't there.
He believes nurseries are bad for babies. This doesn't make him a misogynist or a bully. It's an opinion.

He doesn't say he believes women who send their babies to nurseries are unfit to care for them....You said that.

I think he believes the ideal would be for babies to have one-to-one care for the first 3 years. Lots of people believe this, including many mothers. It's just often not particularly practical or realistic to achieve in modern society.

Is the choice of SAHM, childminder, nursery, etc. the sole preserve of the mother? Are these decisions not made by both parents? They are made by both me and dh in our family.

In which case, condemning a decision to place a child in a nursery is not misogynistic as it is condemning both parents equally.

As I have highlighted, he has also condemned the choices that some men make.

Condemning the choices some women make does not make you a misogynist.

Or this site would have to be renamed...

I agree with Caligula and Sophable.

Well tbh I think we need people like him to balance the propaganda that nurseries are good for babies.

I had a friend who 5 years ago, sent her 3 month old baby to a nursery "because it's good for him". She didn't really want to, but had been convinced by everything she read, that she'd be short-changing him by looking after him herself.

If it had been because she wanted a break, fair enough. But because "it's good for him" at 12 weeks, she'd obviously been overwhelmed with a whole load of literature that made her feel she had to send him, for his own good, even though she wasn't all that keen.

Madniss, as Supernanny would say.