Things that really wind you up in novels

Petrificus my eyes genuinely change colour because they are mid-green in the middle and change to a dark green-brown at the outer edge. When my irises are contracted my whole eye looks green but when they are dilated my eyes appear brown. The type of lighting and what I'm wearing affect the colour too

Me too

Only mine are blue/grey brown/green

I have NEVER had it described as sexy, only weired/creepy:)

My bugbear is seasonal/ natural world incorrectness. Like a character looking at a flower that wouldn't grow in that location or in that season. Susan Cooper does this a couple of times, a skylark singing in October in Wales (possible, but skylarks tent to give up in about August) or in the Dark is Rising she describes Will looking out on a day lit snow covered vista 'it was still very early' it is December the 21st. It gets light at 8am. Not 5am.

Mind you I got pissed off ad the 'Robot of Sherwood' Dr who episode, ( not a novel, but It still irritated me) which was clearly filmed in March by the state of the foliage on the trees, but a character sys it is August, and the plants in the camp are all wrong, too many flowers. I was shouting at the TV, and DH said 'it is a programme about an immortal alien visiting robotic historical figures in a 1960s phone box spaceship, and you are cross because the plants and seasons are implausible...?'

Fair point.

Mine is the constant beand clanging, i just dont care, i put one book down after page 1 i had no desire to know the brand of her knickers, shoes, jacket, carpet, car.

Couldn't agree more.

I can never relate to his characters either. I suppose that's not really his fault but I always find them to be incredibly annoying

Oh yes, Stephen. King really overdoes
the italic bit that are supposed to be
Weird surfacings from the id and from advertising
because looking good
Jingles
starts from the inside

This is fabulous! Love this thread. I'm an editor and work a lot on fiction. I hate the following:

Poorly written regional dialogue - please don't! There are books and blogs advising how to write dialogue - and 'e sed e woz thik' is not the way to do it!

Dialogue tags - please, stop with the 'she riposted', 'he ejaculated' etc. No need! Obvious and clunky.

Changing tenses and from first to third person during a scene - bad editing!

Too many adjectives - one is enough!

:)

I love Stephen Kings stories but the writing annoys me. Half a page describing the leaves in the street.

It always gets me when the one who wants to explain, you know, the explanation that would clear everything up, starts speaking and the other one says either:
"I know what you're going to say..." and goes on to say completely the wrong thing, culminating with "and so I think we should just leave it/split up"
or:
"no, let me speak first..." and goes on to give their completely wrong view of the other person's feelings, culminating with "and so I think we should just leave it/split up"
both of which completely shut down the first person's chance to explain and clear everything up, allowing them to have their happy ever after. Why don't they just say "no, shut up, I need to say this first!"

IAmAllImportant - yes, it really is everywhere. I guess that means some people really don't communicate but it does wind me up. Especially when in a book/film/whatever, someone refuses to answer endless calls and messages from someone clearly desperate to explain. Grrr!

Oh yes to the long involved novel with slowly paced storyline, building up, building up and then WHAM! cuts out in 2 short chapters, as though the author has either run out of time or ideas. I HATE that.

Books where the female character wakes up naked in strange mans bed then wanders off, still in the buff, to find the loo and bumps into strange man's elderly grandmother/ laddish flatmate etc etc cue much embarrassment . Would anyone in RL wander round a strange house naked?

Yy to heroines who jut out their chin defiantly. Also older characters who say 'very well'. I don't think I have ever heard anyone say this in real life!

Oh on a lesser scale. The Twilight ending I picked through the crappy story and the pathetic girl character who is suppose to be intelligent and strong minded
To again, build up to grand finale then.....'oh well, we'll just go home then, cheery oh'

Mine are the same as yours but with the colours the other way round.

Petrificus my eyes genuinely change colour because they are mid-green in the middle and change to a dark green-brown at the outer edge. When my irises are contracted my whole eye looks green but when they are dilated my eyes appear brown. The type of lighting and what I'm wearing affect the colour too. Sadly, I'm no romantic heroine and people only ever comment on it in a 'you are a bit of a freak' sort of way.

I'm not keen on verbal tics, but it can be acceptable if it suits the character. However I've read a few books recently where virtually every character in the book uses the same phrases repeatedly so it's obviously something that the author him/herself says a lot, and that's bloody irritating.

Oh yes, books that just skid to a halt (presumably the author was either on a deadline or had a very strict wordcount.)

For me it was a three book series with a great storyline although in the final book the heroine falls for the previously bad man. But I can forgive that because the actual storyline was still intriguing. But after three books with a massive finale build up to crucial character dies THE END nothing more no detail how everyone else reacted or anything. It was like the writer wrote the ending with a minute to Spare before it had to be at the publishers. Oh how I felt cheated. Three books worth leading to....they die boohoo.

I realise I have said Three books a lot
Sorry I must still be bitter

Dialogue in which each character says the other person's name at the end of every sentence. Presumably the author is trying to help you keep track of who is speaking but a) real people do not do this, and b) I'm not stupid.

"deste to MsBojangles are you sure number three wasn't a post from Mumsnet."

BAHAHAHAHHA :D :D :D

There are quite a lot of crime novels - I'm thinking of Nicci French in particular - where the heroine's entirely reasonable suspicions that someone is a psychopath intent on killing her are downplayed by all her friends as well as the police officers. I always think, C'mon, nobody's that stupid in real life. And I do love the Nicci French novels.

frogisatwat I read a Peter James where the guy nuzzled the girl's neck WHILE SHE WAS GIVING HIM A BJ. Nice trick

I hate it when there's some terrible misunderstanding which would be so easily solved by someone just saying "btw, did you mean me when you said this?" or sonething. No-one ever tries to clarify, they just run off heartbroken. It happens in TV and films too and really bugs me - just talk!

I see this a lot on MN too and have often resisted typing 'Just ask them, not us!'

I used to enjoy Martina Cole, but abandoned the last one in disgust because she just continually described what a hard man one of the characters was. ON. EVERY. PAGE. We get it, we dont need it continuously over explained.

I also read a Maeve Binchy book where she described birds either tweeting or singing "their heads off". A bit of a lazy description.

Oh, and I loved To Kill a Mockingbird, but there were a couple of things in there that I felt were just too subtle and under explained. Just skipped by something really important.

In Harry Potter (fantastic in many ways), sometimes individual things are mentioned slightly too many times, for no discernible reason:

• Trainers.
• Snogging (in half-blood prince).
• Harry's glasses (all the time!)
• "as a gold prospector sifts for gold": exactly that wording, several times, in Pensieve scenes.

I also agree that the Epilogue is a weakness.

Dido we should start forwarding on this interview to any author trying that one.

Harry Leslie Smith We Invented Radar

Crappy nonsensical ageism... Last book I read had a 20 something girl bemoaning her father's in ability to text or email. He was 60.

Bluestocking - I never got that. Are there really women that vacuous that they think anyone cares whether or not they baked the pies themselves?