Q&A with Pamela Druckerman - author of French Children Don't Throw Food. Post your questions - ANSWERS BACK

omg, lots that I agree with but some outrageous stuff. This is yet another crass generalisation of the sort that, unfortunately, I've read far, far too often on MN (and although I've not read the book, I fear it falls in the same camp):

on an individual level, I find French people's ability to analyse what is going on around them and form a coherent, observation and data driven opinion about it, pretty limited. Hence they do not take action in their own lives.

This is so not true IME. So many french (rural) I've met are very, VERY similar to the english (rural) I know/have known. Some are obsessed with maxing on state benefits, others are ambitious and take control over their education/careers. Some are able to reason logically, others not...

In terms of so-called "repression" (imo, FWIW), I've never seen a child hit by an adult (though am told teachers will do so) or yelled/sworn at - I have seen this disgusting behaviour in urban UK however.

Around these parts, kids at fetes just eat with friends or, more normally, with parents and they rarely eat all the meal because the are off running around, guzzling coke, playing and doing......exactly what english kids would do in the same situation.

Hmm. I know some pretty radically different French teens - they just don't want to look ugly while being radical!

"French teens don't rebel with their appearance - being attractive to the opposite sex is way too important "

... and they are too conformist to do anything radically different.

MrsSchadenfreude - French teens don't rebel with their appearance - being attractive to the opposite sex is way too important to mess with in these parts. But I can reliably inform you that they do give their parents hell, even if they look clean cut - we know an awful lot of French parents of teens...

Yes MrsSchaenfreude I agree about the 'prioriteadroite' esp. on the Peripherique But sometimes (although badly signalled ,or not signalled at all , where they still exist) it DOES slow the through traffic. Has anyone noticed that some French people forget that they are more or less finished with? Those large STOP signs at junctions now are relatively new.

Oh yes, the Peripherique... with the madness that is where some of the roads joining the Periph have priority (so no-one drives in the inside lane) and some do not. The signs that tell you that the road ahead are tiny and well concealed too.

In fact, I wish they would just get rid of the "priority to the right" rule full stop, as it is utterly bonkers.

You don't tend to see rebellious teens in Paris. The ones I see on the bus are all absolutely conformist - girls with long swishy hair, skinny jeans tucked into Uggs, a navy Canada Goose jacket. The only sign of rebellion is the occasional red jacket or brown Uggs. And their bags are all the same too. No wacky haircuts, no bad dye jobs (DD1 had some rather dubious pink streaks in her hair for a while), no piercings other than one hole in each ear.

Nothing "irregular" in fact!

Oh, no someone mentioned the peripherique!

There are plenty of good things about France, especially the food and the importance accorded to rest and sex leisure. I'm not sure the way they bring up their children is so fab, though. I think my DD is head and shoulders better brought up than most French children - she actually thinks about stuff! So many French children are a bit robotic, IMO.

One of the best things about the French is their ability to relax and have proper lunches and weekends (oh and they hibernate in bad winter weather which is extremely sensible) despite their repression they seem to have their work\leisure balance more equal than us. IMO

Don't get me started on the demonstrations.

It is hard not to notice that they tend to fall on Fridays, along with grèves. I suspect that French people's love of these demonstrations/mass protests is little more than love of long weekends.

"It is more likely that the repression of children in France, at home and at school, leads to repressed French adults who always toe the line and don't have the self-confidence to raise their hand to protest against an injustice."

I agree with this - on an individual level, I find French people's ability to analyse what is going on around them and form a coherent, observation and data driven opinion about it, pretty limited. Hence they do not take action in their own lives. Protest against injustice largely takes the form of mass demonstration

Totally agree with Accidental - fear plays a big part. Sadly.

No not scary Cote unless you're on the peripherique. It's almost as if they feel that once they are behind the wheel of a car they can control something; they are disciplined drivers but just too fast and always on your tail .

The adults IME seem to find it difficult to think 'outside the box' they follow rules unquestioningly as you say.

I can't agree that "repression of children" leads to dangerous driving as adults. You can't even establish correlation, let alone causation.

I have driven in places where driving is a truly scary experience but children are brought up in with a totally laissez faire attitude.

It is more likely that the repression of children in France, at home and at school, leads to repressed French adults who always toe the line and don't have the self-confidence to raise their hand to protest against an injustice.

As a personal footnote I think that being "MADE" to eat what is put in front of you can lead to anorexia and other food phobias, not a good idea.

Bonsoir - What you say re 3-year-olds being dropped off at parties is not just a Parisian thing. I remember approaching the mum of 3-year-old twins whom DD had befriended at maternelle about possibly getting together for a playdate and being shocked when she said "No problem, I'll tell the teacher you can pick them up for lunch or whatever". She had never met me before but was perfectly fine with this stranger taking her kids from school. I'm not even going into her total lack of interest in how her twins would feel about it.

This is a fascinating discussion; we live between France and England and I agree that slapping, fear of punishment and lack of understanding of child development features more generally in the upbringing of french children than ours (which is of course not to say that English parents are perfect!).

BUT the repression in the children seems to lead to very competitive driving (tailgating) in the majority of the french drivers (they kill themselves and others in their cars many times more than the English).

I belong to an international women's group in Poitiers and we have discussed this and have come to the above conclusions.

IME French children have to learn to manage without their parents very early on, and to rely on other adults and/or an invariable social structure to which they are accustomed (conditioned) from birth. Therefore, at age 3, they can manage a birthday party with aplomb.

However, when they grow up they don't have that deep-rooted security of being able to manage on their own, relying on no-one and nothing that is not deeply familiar, that comes of being exposed to multiple situations with their parents and seeing how their parents manage those situations.

I did wonder! My ds4 is 4 and going to school and I don't think he'd be OK with that!

chipmonkey - no, my DD wasn't OK with that! Not at 3. By 6/7 she could manage it.

Here in Paris 3 year olds get dropped off for three hour birthday parties at homes they have never visited before to be entertained by entertainers who shout at them

Bonsoir, was your dd OK with that? Did she come over to you? Did you let her?

We live in the South of France, where there is a large English expat community. French children and English children do behave differently in social occasions, notably at restaurants. My understanding is that the difference is in parents' expectations - French parents expect children to behave, whereas most English parents I see have a "Children will be children" attitude.

We expect our children to behave but don't ever smack or otherwise hurt them. It is possible to establish authority over DC and have kids who behave in public without hitting them.

Bonsoir, you may be right but then the word Parisean should be used instead of French when making generalistions.
Which incidently is why I find the concept of this book just a bit silly.

the french HIT their kids instead IME.

job done

BORED of the french deification.