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Fiction cliches you hate

337 replies

SPBInDisguise · 30/12/2012 00:11

I read mostly crime and thriller.
Can't bear books that take the first hundred pages to describe the landscape. Thick frost, frozen lake, snowy trees, onto the action please.
Detectives that drink lots of coffee and work all night but somehow seem to actually work very little

OP posts:
garlicbaubles · 31/12/2012 11:51

Bookmarking this thread to enjoy later! Agree with nearly everybody so far, and awestruck by witty erudition Xmas Smile

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 31/12/2012 11:50

True, Shakespeare's plots were pretty much all based on existing stories - the Roman stuff was cribbed from a Roman playwright (whose name I have forgotten as it's 30 years since I studied him) and a lot of the others on what was regarded as true history in his time (the Henry plays, RIchard III etc).

But a lot of writers take an old plot and redo it. West Side Story is Romeo and Juliet. Etc.

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2012 11:47

So yes, never mind a plot eh?

Just chuck in something that reads like a page out of a fashion mag.

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2012 11:44

Just for something to fill a grey Hogmanay ...

Page 7 of Penny Vincenzi's "Absolute Scandal":

"... Tried to see herself through HIS eyes: long-ish full-ish skirt (Laura Ashley), blue shirt with turned up collar (Thomas Pink), and her twenty-first-birthday pearls, of course; blah bla blah"

Hmm
StairsInTheNight · 31/12/2012 11:40

I offer you 'peat soft Oirish brogue that has all women on their backs'

Mu1berryBush · 31/12/2012 11:17

I hate in American books the british have terrible teeth chesnut. ofgs. People who can afford braces for their children make sure they get them and people who can't afford them don't. Same both sides of the atlantic. 80 million americans can't afford healthcare.

also hate the drunken irish. irish drink about the same per head as any other northern european nation.

lazy non thinking, and worse, it's just so BORING to read.

Tanith · 31/12/2012 11:16

I hate women being called girls. Especially when the male of the same age, and often younger, is a man.

Terry Brooks: I'm looking at you with your "valegirl" and "valeman"!

SPBInDisguise · 31/12/2012 07:22

the jimmy hill impression and "stop doing that thing with your face" have me in tears

OP posts:
LilyVonSchtupp · 31/12/2012 01:56

Female detective cliches US style,
Addicted to junk food and spend half the novel talking about the food they are eating even though it's usually McDs, hotdogs, donuts, coffee, grandmas pineapple upside down cake and therefore hardly the stuff of Nigel Slater's dreams.

Yet slim, athletic and hot to trot.

Despite wearing clothes along the lines of "turtlenecks", "my one good skirt" or "sweatpants and a scrunchy"

Big hair.

Lives alone, with an eccentric animal.

Torn between two men, one's a hurt but rugged cop with Mother Issues and a needy ex wife, the other is a mysterious criminal with dark but not too dark skin. Both are HOT!

No female friends. Unless they are hugely overweight / unattractive and Sassy! With a capital S.

Often has to pretend to be a prostitute to secure information. Or visit an Irish bar where her good looks and streetwise mien will elicit a hint or two from the twinkly barkeep.

Occasionally drinks a Chardonnay. Or a Miller Light if in the Irish bar. For show.

Hates smoking. Loves animals. And jogging. And old people. There must be a wise yet crazy oldster.

See Stephanie Plum, Kinsey Millhone, Temperance Brennan, Carlotta Carlyle etc.

HaleAndHeartyYuletideAges · 31/12/2012 01:34

Agreed. I thought I looked feisty. I actually looked like a twat Bruce Forsyth.

Themilkybarisonme · 31/12/2012 01:29

Haha @ "will you stop doing that with your face". Harsh but fair.

HaleAndHeartyYuletideAges · 31/12/2012 01:25

Oh God, I just remembered being completely sold on the 'feisty jaw jut' when a teenager and practicing it while being flirty with a lad I liked.

He eventually said 'will you stop doing that with your face, you look weird.'

Reader, I did not date marry him.

poncypony · 31/12/2012 00:59

I hate it when everything is solved through the power of love. Obviously it's mainly used in children's fiction, but that's no excuse!

LRDtheFeministDude · 31/12/2012 00:10

Two sets of boys, sorry ... ignore me! Blush

CaseyShraeger · 31/12/2012 00:06

Is one of them a girl in Comedy of Errors? I really haven't been paying attention, then... Grin

My waters breaking theatrically was my first sign of labour first time around - - although it does seem to happen with more than strictly statistical likelihood on the telly.

LRDtheFeministDude · 31/12/2012 00:03

Um ... not that I can think of. Macbeth might be? Dunno. Most of them aren't.

Startail · 31/12/2012 00:00

And I'm lead to believe, by *DH that non of Shakespeare's plots were totally original, so this cliche business has been going on a long time.

(I'm inclined to believe him as FIL was a serious English scholar)

LRDtheFeministDude · 30/12/2012 23:53

And Comedy of Errors.

I still like him though.

Babies being born by the waters breaking theatrically as a first sign of labour is my pet hate cliche from TV at the moment.

Startail · 30/12/2012 23:51

The brother/sister looking identical is the main plot device in Twelfth Night and DH can't get why I don't like Shakespeare.

FraterculaArctica · 30/12/2012 23:33

Babies are never born in hospital. Always an unplanned home delivery, no midwife in attendance, just the male character with whom the mother has been having an ongoing misunderstanding/unrequited love interest. An unplanned homebirth guarantees to resolve all this swiftly.

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2012 23:32

And when the heroine's breath comes in shallow gasps because Mr Fantastic has ripped her bodice she should probably seek medical help.

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2012 23:30

But trills your eyeballs cannot narrow in any direction.

So all that narrowing eyes is actual anatomical shit.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 30/12/2012 23:22

Oh yes,
'She adjusted her Alexander McQueen scarf and closed the clasp on her vintage Chloe handbag, mussed up her long red mane, and applied her favourite Chanel lipstick. Pouting she surveyed herself (insert self depreciating description of obviously stunning person here), sigh, she'd have to do'.

Trills · 30/12/2012 23:18

Brand names just make things date horribly.

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