Fiction cliches you hate

Yep, the Mistress of Adverbs is indeed no great shakes as a maker of sentences.

And I see what you mean about 'come in', though it would depend on whether we needed to know the mod at that moment. I'm not sure it's realistic, either. 'come in,' he murmured. What does that convey? A dread of being overheard? Maybe suspense might be better?

congrats to bedhopper. Most of us have to go over our writing and remove all this...

Read my novel. I don't do any of these cliches

Rowling's status as a "writer" (as opposed to Thinker-Up of Stories) is rightly challenged.

I agree with you. Mostly.

In contrast to your Hagrid example, ' "Come in," he murmured/grinned/growled/whimpered' - the spoken words don't give you a clue but the verb can. It is nearer than "said, verbly" which is unimaginative.

Horatia, gritted, and spat, and hissed, also show us the author standing by the characters, taking notes. Show, don't tell.

It's especially grinding when it's obvious that the character's words must be said in a certain way. If she says 'Piss off,' she's likely to be spitting.

From the mistress of many adverbs, J K Rowling:

'Gather round, gather round,' Hagrid encouraged.

This works like a tautology. You'd ne unlikely to say those words in any other way. 'Gather round', Hagrid screamed. 'Gather round,' Hagrid gritted. 'Gather round,' Hagrid snivelled...

So a new speech verb is only needed if there's a disconnection between what is said and tone of voice - if Hagrid, losing patience, actually HAD gritted. 'Gather round,' prior to draw a pistol and gunning them down. Otherwise Rowling is hitting me on the head with the bleeding obvious.

Even in the above case, it's telling, not showing. Better just to have him say 'gather round,' and have him move his hands in a wide welcoming arc - or draw his pistol, or fumble with it, or have the pov character notice his eyes narrow to dark slits.

Adverbs and specific speech verbs show a lack of trust in the reader. They weigh a text down. 'Said' was good enough for Hemingway, and Alan Garner doesn't even bother with 'said'. If we know the characters well enough, we shouldn't have any problem knowing who is speaking.

That V I Warshawski can never get to the end of a book without going through deadly peril and a bit of torture. But I like the Venetian glasses that have hardly been broken in several apartment-smashings/burnings.

I don't like people 'storming' about. Gets on my wick.

The expression "very well", as in an acknowledgement:

"Very well, have it your way", he said, standing to leave.

It looks OK on paper but it's an expression I swear I have never heard actually spoken in a sentence in real life. But I don't get out much.

Interesting about "said".

"said, adverbly" is indeed annoying. But just "said" can be clumpy in long exchanges, and doesn't give a hint as to tone, whereas "retorted" or "murmured" or "spat" absolutely do.

Adverbs, especially in relation to speech. 'She said softly.' 'He said sternly.' I hate

'Suddenly', as in 'suddenly, she knew..'

Any word for speech except 'said'. I hate it when people 'return' and 'admonish' and 'demand'. Puts the author too much int eh foreground.

Brandnames - usually either showing off or showing lack of class aspired to

Describing the POV character by having her look in a mirror or at a photo of herself.

Loathe any children's book where they wake up in their little white beds, and it's all a dream - agree. Dreams should be weird and scary, like in Arthur Schnizler.

'Scooting' in a sex scene. 'She scooted close to him'. Urgh.

Euphemisms for body parts. 'His plunging member...' 'her centre'.

YY, I hate MarySues, but also GarryStus. If anyone likes both, look no further than the novels of Deborah Harkness.

They don't just catch the bouquet, they fight over who catches it.

No, they don't, feckin' eejits just stand there and catch the bouquet!

chipmonkey none of her friends ever tell her to leave the bastard either

Any book where the hero is "moody" and controlling but the heroine ends up with him anyway.
I want to shout "Red Flag, Red Flag, don't you read the Mumsnet Relationships section?"

that it won't be deleted.
But at what you're all reading. I don't recognise much of this except the protracted Scandinavian weather as character/ pathetic fallacy and big reveal of child sexual abuse
I hate makeover scenes in movies.

Describing seamen as "His warm liquid"

Cliche pet hates include red soles of louboutin's flashing as she walked, perfectly manicured fingernails being tapped on the table, and tossing her long blond subtly/expensively highlighted hair.

Women whose boyfriends cheat on/dump them, then they take up some improbable career (setting up organic markets/listed building restoration/boat building) because it's what they've always wanted to do and ex has been holding them back.

Yes, Katie Fforde, I'm looking at you!

Main characters are often writers who go off into remote places to focus on their book - as if that wouldn't drive them stir-crazy. I guess this is because the actual writer realises that anyone with a job where you have to actually go there every day won't have time for the adventures that they have planned.

You missed out the bit where woman goes to a random remote place in order to fall in love with a tall dark handsome farmer/artist/writer who also lives in remote place with unsatisfactory family/by self broodingly/ with older insightful friend. Although at first the sparks will fly their dogs will soon bring them together.

Pretty much all chicklit could be produced by a Random Chicklit Generator TM.

Group of women meet a bookclub/diet club/evening class. A chapter each with miserable backstory leading up to unsatisfactory present. They laugh, they cry, they given each other insights. 260 pages later they are thinner (an occasional character will have been previously anorexic but now looks healthier and fleshed out), with better jobs, and happily shacked up with the perfect new partner. Oh, the pointlessness.

YAY to thread saving. Well done Trills.

Yes, the retreat to an isolated cottage by the sea. In winter.

Thanks to the very lovely Rowan we are now in Adult Fiction and will not be deleted (unless this thread takes a turn in a very strange direction!)