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Original poster

Fiction cliches you hate

337 replies

SPBInDisguise · 30/12/2012 00:11

I read mostly crime and thriller.
Can't bear books that take the first hundred pages to describe the landscape. Thick frost, frozen lake, snowy trees, onto the action please.
Detectives that drink lots of coffee and work all night but somehow seem to actually work very little

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDude · 30/12/2012 19:38

prima - glad to know there are several of us gritting our teeth over the weightloss thing!

I quite fancy minty gin, though.

flowery - yup, absolutely.

If I may lower the tone significantly, I also hate implausible sex scenes. There's a bit in The Bronze Horseman which I read aged about 12, which had me mightily confused about sex as apparently it was all about 'giant members' and her moaning when he was only halfway in.

Note to budding authors: if it's only halfway in, we're not moaning. No-one has a penis that big!

Trills · 30/12/2012 19:37

Boy-girl twins (and often siblings in general) always look soooooo alike.

Primadonnagirl · 30/12/2012 19:37

Thanks Imperial!Never would have noticed that before but now I shall be staring at people trying to find one! Have already checked in mirror..I don't have them but I do have alabaster skin and a cupids bow mouth! Ha!

tinselahohoho · 30/12/2012 19:36

Oooh ooooh ooooh - this one! When, in a crime book, there's a serial killer who has committed about a dozen murders and everyone is on the case. Then the author throws in a comment about a burglary or something insignificant but YOU JUST KNOW it will be linked, and the key to everything! They think they're being really smart but it flashes like a beacon.

And 'yes' to whoever mentioned cars with kooky names.

And diabetic characters who never seem to have to worry about eating on time, but if they do go hypo, a glass of milk sorts them out no problem Grin

Trills · 30/12/2012 19:34

In Jilly Cooper when someone is unhappy in love they get very thin because they stop eating and drink gin from a tooth mug.

It took me ages to work out what a tooth mug is - it's the mug you keep your toothbrush in. Because you are too depressed to wash up anything else.

Minty gin. Minging.

ImperialBlether · 30/12/2012 19:33

Mine too, Trills. I'm too tired to join in but I love everyone's posts.

Trills · 30/12/2012 19:32

This is my favourite thread for such a long time.

Trills · 30/12/2012 19:32

Where heroines are inexplicably irresistible to all the male characters - yes Sookie Stackhouse I'm looking at you..

It's not inexplicable, it's her super special specialness

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2012 19:32

I'm here all week Naice Grin

ImperialBlether · 30/12/2012 19:31

A widow's peak is a little pointy thing on your hairline, Primadonnagirl. Like this.

Trills · 30/12/2012 19:30

when the love interest or heroine is going out with a really one-dimensionally horrible person

I'll take that as "love interest OF the heroine" and give you The Paolo.

StairsInTheNight · 30/12/2012 19:27

people forgetting to eat, they are so busy and/or in love. People who have not slept for 2 days and are able to function and not be a weepy mess.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/12/2012 19:26

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Trills · 30/12/2012 19:26

Before I read this thread I'd like to recommend website called TV Tropes.

Tropes are devices and conventions that a writer can reasonably rely on as being present in the audience members' minds and expectations.

For example (from the OP) novels describing the weather and landscape could be an example of Empathetic environment, where the weather/landscape reflects the mood of the protagonist.

FloweryDrawers · 30/12/2012 19:26

Male writers attempting to write from a female character's point of view and managing only to have them engage in a weird sort of self-pervery. Afraid I can't remember concrete examples but I have vague memories from my teenage years of James Herbert/Stephen King doing it. Stuff like: "Susan put on the green sweater, feeling the thin material rub pleasantly against her small, apple-shaped breasts as she walked towards the door."

No you arsehole - that's not a woman's POV. That's the POV of a creepy bloke with his nose pressed up against the window.

letsgomaths · 30/12/2012 19:24

Not a book I know, but when the first half hour of a film is all about making sure you are in no doubt about how ordinary the characters are; endless scenes of them arguing, etc.

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2012 19:23

And I've never met anyone who actually tosses their hair.

Or has flashing eyes. That would be just plain weird.

Or a square jaw. That would also be weird.

CurlyKiwiControl · 30/12/2012 19:19

Ah I love the Skokie Stackhouse books ...

She is irtisistable because she is part fairy same as her brother :)

Apparently we can't help but love a fairy

Primadonnagirl · 30/12/2012 19:18

And"widows peak"..what's them when theyre at home? !!

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 30/12/2012 19:16

I've spotted them too! I imagine bits of spring and stuffing stivking out of tears all over

OP posts:
MonaLotte · 30/12/2012 19:14

I hate overstuffed sofas! They seem to pop up in a lot of books. What are they?!?!?

Primadonnagirl · 30/12/2012 19:13

Apologies LRD ..just spotted your previous post re heroine weight loss!Wasnt plagiarising honest!! The other thing I hate is plots about people finding letters/ trinkets from their grandma and then realising how much they had in common and stumbling across a secret that they can't rest until they've solved it...This usually involves travel and they have no problem getting the necessary time off work!

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/12/2012 19:11

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/12/2012 19:09

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/12/2012 19:08

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