Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
What we're reading

Find your new favourite book or recommend one on our Book forum.

Original poster

Favourite 50 Shades of Grey metaphor / cliche / example of very, very bad writing

36 replies

BeckyBendyLegs · 26/06/2012 18:18

Anyone else got any? I have loads but my so far all-time favourite is: 'My medulla oblongata just pole vaulted my spleen'.

Brilliant! Couldn't be more awful!

But I am currently reading the second book, despite thinking these books are pretty crap!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Alabama100 · 28/06/2012 22:24

Hahahaha the blog is too funny!

VittysCardigan · 28/06/2012 21:06

Holy crap.

If it wasn't for the fact i read it on my kindle i would have hurled it under a bus!

If you are writing about sex be adult enough to say cock, cunt, fanny, prick or anything other than 'down there' or 'erection'

And doesn't she own ANY dresses FFS they all seem to belong to her room mate

Don't think i have ever shouted at a book before. worst thing i have ever read

sits down & takes deep breath

Alabama100 · 28/06/2012 20:46

I can't find th blog, can someone link it please?

StealthPolarBear · 28/06/2012 11:37

I've just tried biting my lip Amd rolling my eyes, must look hilarious!

Dillydollydaydream · 28/06/2012 11:20

Inner goddess,elongated nipples, my sex, apex, biting lip, rolling eyes, etc and Repeat...

rubyslippers · 28/06/2012 11:16

Yes the bizzy biz blog is utterly hilarious

Seriously - a gazillion times better than the books IMO

Valpollicella · 27/06/2012 22:28

Not sure if it has been linked but have a look at the bizzybiz (?) blog.

She is reviewing it chapter by chapter. So funny.

Interstingly Cheesy she never says moist. Ana is 'ready'.

Not wet or moist of whatever. Just 'ready' Hmm

ClaireDeTamble · 27/06/2012 20:55

I can't believe anyone actually gets past the first few pages. I read the first page on Amazon's Look Inside thingy and wanted to gouge my eyes out after the first couple of paragraphs.

She writes like a teenager. I know this, because it is how I used to write when I was fifteen. I used to do the writing of stories based in America too (too much Sweet Valley High and Point Fiction as a younger teenager).

I know it started as Twilight FanFic, but honestly, if the only thing you know of American culture is what you have read / seen on TV, you cannot write about it. Transfer the characters to Britain and you might stand a chance.

Loving the 50 Things That Annoy Me.. blog though and the others.

FreakOfNature · 27/06/2012 19:36

Kinky fuckery...I love it, makes me laugh every time I see it Grin

Alabama100 · 27/06/2012 17:57

Urge the my sex thing annoys me too, such a stupid term!

rubyslippers · 27/06/2012 11:46

And her inner goddess - taking her pince nez off

rubyslippers · 27/06/2012 11:45

She talks about how she likes to read "British novels"

She says oh my all the fricking time

MimsyBorogroves · 27/06/2012 11:41

"my very own Christian Grey-flavoured-popsicle"

CheesyPotatoes · 27/06/2012 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BeckyBendyLegs · 27/06/2012 08:10

That blog is really funny!

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 27/06/2012 08:08

Several times one of the characters managed to have their mouths drop open while simultaneously gasping. Which just makes them seem a bit wheezy.

And if your lover is going to spank your arse, at least be able to say the word. Not "behind" or "backside"

Original poster
BeckyBendyLegs · 27/06/2012 08:07

Clueless79 me too! I love ketchup.

The 'my sex' thing annoys me too. Whoever calls it that? I've never called it that. 'My bits' or 'my middle bottom' would be more realistic, surely.

OP posts:
CheesyPotatoes · 27/06/2012 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamnDeDoubtance · 27/06/2012 08:01

"Laters Baby" Auuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Valpollicella · 26/06/2012 23:19

The blood pooling in her lower belly.

Wanna get that checked out Ana, love. Sounds suspiciously like a haemmorage to me. Lust isnt meant to feel like a potentially fatal condition...

FeathersMcGraw · 26/06/2012 22:59

another vote for "apex of my thighs" - aaaargh!!!!

Trills · 26/06/2012 22:48

How about the noise of a kitkat?

Clueless79 · 26/06/2012 22:37

Every time I read 'familiar sound of foil packet' I'm thinking 'ketchup'.

letseatgrandma · 26/06/2012 22:20

Apex! Say pussy, vagina, cunt or something else ffs

Same goes for erection. His erection pushed against my hip. On every third page...