I feel physically sick at how much grandparents spending on Christmas

No I have 4 living parents and in laws and we are comfortable - and I’m extremely grateful for anything I’m given or my children are given. X

Obviously not what she’s complaining about but I think you might be too blinded by whatever your own situation is too see that…

It’s clearly both.- why would that confuse you?

Imagine complaining that you had living parents who wanted to buy presents for your children

Oh god….your house will be overun and cluttered with too many toys that the kids won’t appreciate or play with. It would be so much more beneficial in the long run if £200 of that was put into a child trust fund account and only £50 spent on one or two decent toys they really want.

Ask them for £200 for their savings for university/ driving lessons etc . They can still spent £50 on one small toy, new pjs , a new book and perhaps some kind of chocolate treat. Offer a solution. Phrase it as you’ve been reading about university costs etc and really want to start saving regularly for your children’s future.

Both my DCs grandparents keep toys they buy at their house (with a few agreed exceptions). Our house it too small frankly.

250 is and it isn't a lot these days, depending on what youre buying (for example a bike could be half of that budget). But it could buy an awful lots of small tat! Be firm and say if she wants to buy it then it will have to stay at hers.

I'd also signpost her to some items you were thinking of getting anyway.

Unfortunately with GPs they are going to be a bit OTT at times, its from a good place.

@Sadiuit Confused. Thread title suggests that you're feeling sick with the money that your parents are spending. The actual post suggests you're feeling sick with the volume of small toys coming to your house (rather than large presents which are easier to handle and store). Which one is it?

Of course. When they were tiny they had little jokey presents ... never expensive ... but now they each have one item.

Magazine subscription are another good choice.

I would set a limit of 5 gifts per child and be clear if they try to turn up with more you will simply remove them and send them to charity. I’d manage your children’s expectations beforehand to avoid upset . Ie. grandma might turn up with more gifts but they’re not all for you some are to donate to other children.

Yes, ask her to research how much university costs. Or driving lessons. Or foreign travel for eg camp America. Ask that at least half her budget goes into their savings.

Kids are overwhelmed with too many toys and most of us cannot cope with the massive pile of them.

I had a mother in law like this. Christmas was like a hobby for her. She had nothing better to do with her time.

I totally agree with you OP, that amount of tat would send me into overdrive! Where on earth does she expect you to keep it all? she would be better off purchasing you a annual ticket to an attraction or something along those lines, are you able to have a frank conversation with her?

We are at the other end of this - DCs in late teens and we’re still trying to get rid of stuff that they never played with. One year was so bad that it was 5pm on Christmas Day when I finally stopped opening packaging, cutting off all the security tags and putting batteries in. It did improve slightly after that because I was fuming but the biggest difference was me asking for the most expensive thing I could think of for them so they got fewer things. We still don’t have anywhere to put an assembled Lego Death Star. Stick to your guns OP.

You need to sort this out now OP. I'd be taking the nuclear option and saying if they turn up with more than 3 presents per kid they aren't coming in the house, and next year you are going away (e.g. to DP's side, or just somewhere else) and they won't see their grandkids over christmas at all if they can't be trusted. Be blunt that they may as well just give £500 directly to the charity shop because the moment they leave the house that's where it's going.

So what if they fall out with you? You'll have a quiet November while they sulk and they'll come crawling back in December because they'll miss the kids and want to go to their christmas concerts etc.

Christmas Day get DP to take the kids out for a christmas walk, or play upstairs and disconnect the doorbell. Don't let them in if they are carrying loads of stuff. If they do bring more later take photos of it in black bags and then outside the shop.

Otherwise you are building yourself up for at least another decade of this.

My mother is like. In her case she does largely only buy from charity shops, and keep most of it at her house (she is a hoarder anyway, and now two whole rooms are given over to hoarding toys and books, so many that the kids haven’t even seen a fraction of them yet).

At birthdays and christmases though she comes with literally bin bags full of tat that we then have to mostly dispose of. We live in a two-bed flat with two kids!

We have grandparents that do this and send a huge box of absolute crap from B&M and The Works but luckily they live far away so don’t realise I open them all and send 90% of them to the Christmas present charity before Christmas. Luckily my mum will buy what I ask her to buy (usually just 2 things). I think you need to put your foot down. Tell them you only want 2 presents for each child.

My oldest is 7 and at this point he does NOT need any more toys, and we haven't the space anyway. Fortunately relatives always ask what he wants rather than going off on their own. I'll be suggesting some magazine and digital subscriptions or money for days out, and keep the number of actual toys down to less than ten. It should be up to you what comes into your house, gift or otherwise. And kids with too many toys don't actually enjoy or play with them.

I am so deeply sympathetic OP. My mum
died 12 years ago and I miss her hugely, except at Christmas, when HER need to buy the children presents caused me extreme anxiety and distress. The rows we used to have about it - and she would get so angry at me and claim that I was denying her the joy of watching the kids open the presents… my oldest DC in particular found it incredibly difficult, he would get so overwhelmed and even now aged 23 gets quite agitated about being bought presents either for birthday or Christmas. He would sometimes leave piles of stuff unopened for days. I don’t have any advice, I tried all the strategies and none of them worked, but I wanted to say that you aren’t alone in finding this difficult.

I’d rather them spend £250 on new clothes and shoes in the next size up or a bike or something along those lines. I find the b&m 2 for £20 to be pure tat and crap that just takes up room. My partners aunt always gets the kids stuff from there and they never touch it.

OP I think you need to be very very direct and just tell your mum no.

What's the worst that could happen really?!

Make a list of suggestions instead....
Money in an isa for them when they're older.
One really good quality toy. Quality not quantity.
A season pass to somewhere local that they can take them or you can - presence not presents.
Tickets to a kids theatre show.
Cinema tickets.
Something practical like a new scooter each.
A garden toy (if you've a garden, or they do).
Suggest some presents are "usable" items they can unwrap like baking kits, paint, playdoh, bubbles, etc. Presents they will have fun with, but that wont stick around forever. Maybe they could even be activities they could do with grandma, at her house!

Don't be vague OP. Tell her NOW, while it's still October that you don't want a house FULL of toys.

PIL are like this and very much quantity over quality in a way that is very negative for our SEND children. For a while they were happy to buy family passes to places.

My mum was like this, it drove me bonkers. I never asked her not to do it, but I always wished she wouldn’t.

She died last year though and I can’t tell you how much I’d give for my kids to have a dozen cheap prezzies from her now, Christmas last year felt so much smaller without her OTT number of cheap gifts for the kids. And in hindsight, I’m glad the kids had those years of feeling spoilt by her, because they know it came from a place of love.

Yes, love isn’t only shown through quantity, and I was a big advocate for quality over quantity, but actually that was how she showed love and I’m glad she got to see their excited faces opening loads of gifts, and I’m glad they got to experience it while they could.