1st Holy Communion - Advice please!

Sounds like your school is used to dealing with non Catholics and FHC. It is great that classes are at weekends . Previously my non Catholic friends kids had to go out of the classroom until they said that their child had no problem with listening in .

It is the non secular part that many kids feel they are missing out on . Girls are very excited about their special dresses like mini brides . And their is usually a family gathering or a party afterwards . And the money ! Traditional that family and friends put money in a Communion card . With extended families this can add up to quite a sum . If your child has a special friend , you could get a card and put £5 or £ 10 in .

It’s the going to mass bit that’s not checked… baptism is a non-negotiable for First Holy Communion in Ireland too obviously.

Catholic schools here in Ireland don’t select pupils on the basis of religion though as that’s not allowed now except for minority religions.

As an atheist with a child at Catholic primary school who is Year 3, this has all been very new to me too (DH is Catholic and DS is being brought up as Catholic). While the vast majority of his class are Catholic, a few aren’t and so the classes are all organised by the church outside of school time which feels much more inclusive.

In terms of secondary school admissions, the Catholic senior school which DS school feeds into requires a Catholic Certificate of Practice. It doesn’t say explicitly but I would assume that the child would have to have done FHC to get one. Both that school and our other local Catholic senior school are heavily oversubscribed so I don’t think they get down to the non-Catholic admission criteria but it might be different in different areas.

It’s a few lessons about what it means and about being Catholic - we attended Sunday school weekly as my school had no religious affiliation. On the day it’s a mass usually conducted by some one higher up than a priest - we had the Arch Bishop come do ours. All the girls wore white and I wore a little veil (probably don’t do that now). And we all went up in a line to receive our first holy communion.
To be honest the idea of someone participating in this sacrament who is not a Catholic or seriously wanting to become one is bizarre. You don’t do it because your mates are! I went to school in a very Jewish area and I wouldn’t dream of participating in a bat mitzvah (more akin to confirmation but you get my point). You are committing yourself to the church and I would expect them to then go to mass every Sunday and Holy day of obligation, go to confession etc. You do not do this to just fit in.
My DH was an atheist and he says he was ok if I wanted our kids christened but he wouldn’t stand up and say anything hypocritical. So I had a long think about it and decided well I shouldn’t either and I knew I would not be taking the kids to mass every week. So we didn’t do it.

Completely different because we are in Ireland and most schools are Catholic, but we are atheists and sent our daughter to a Catholic school. We let her sit in on religion which is embedded through the day but she did not do first communion. However only about half the class did. She used to talk about God sometimes in the first few years. We replied that some people believed in God but that mum and Dad didn't. She sometimes used to say that she believed. We'd say that's fine, your grandmother does too, but Mum and Dad don't. She's 20 now, Catholic education all the way, any mention of belief in God has long disappeared. I don't think that sending them to a Catholic school means they'll grow up to want to be Catholic. Mind you the UK is different and maybe more parents there believe, as it is an active choice to choose a Catholic school while it's really just the default here.

My DS's attended a Catholic primary as non baptised in any religion. The school did have a high percentage of non Catholics and we were welcomed as other wise the school would of shut down. In my DS1's time there were only 95 pupils.

Children doing First Communion were taken out of class and had a lesson I think every week. The local priest was in school at least once a week for an assembly and for big days. Obviously only those that could, did Communion.

2.Have you checked the criteria for entrance to the secondary? Usually it isn’t on the basis of having done all the sacraments but is on the basis of being at the catholic primary.

In my area Baptism seems to be the first requirement. ( Other than being a looked after child, or one with an EHCP where the school has been named.) They will have all the criteria on their website.

Horrible white dress 👗 😬
Those dresses cost a small fortune, you better not let your parents hear that!

Not sure about that. I remember getting married and having to get the ok from every parish I ever lived in..including a rough part of Dublin where the church was locked most of the time. It was really hard to get it!

But I would agree with you on the going to church aspect- very few do. However Baptism is an absolute non negotiable

Priests must be more hard arsed in my part of Scotland then as it certainly doesn’t happen here. In fact things have become less flexible as we have welcomed some very ‘old school’ style priests from India and African nations.

The catholics will let anyone in

in ireland nearly everyone does all these sacraments as a given and literally nobody goes to the church - its a joke tbh 😂😂😂 don’t think priests are checking things they don’t care

I have prepared children for the sacraments for decades and have never heard of baptisms and First Communion taking place at the same service. I have prepared children for Reconciliation on the understanding that Baptism will be quickly arranged with the priest otherwise the child cannot progress further on the journey.

My understanding of Canon Law is that one parent must be Catholic and there must be a promise of Faith to attend Mass as the child’s first teachers. What’s the point otherwise? I teach in a Catholic school and I would say less than half of the year group take part. So far I only have about 6 applicants from a cohort of 40 with less than 2 months to go till Reconciliation!

I think you need to look more closely at the admission criteria for the Catholic secondary.

The ines I attended and the ones local to us would require baptismal certificates and a signed form from the Catholic priest stating that you regularly (for Catholics that is at least weekly) attend Mass and are part of a local congregation.

I was brought up RC and attended RC schools and didn't want any of it for my dc. I certainly wouldn't be going along with sacremnetal celebrations of things I don't believe in just because the school gets good grades!

My sister and brother didn't go to Catholic school so the priest wouldn't baptise me. I got christened instead as my mum wouldn't countenance not having it done at all.

Still went to Catholic secondary, though.

If the good secondary was an Islamic school (many of those are excellent) woukd OP have her child recite the Shahada for a better chance of a place? Because that's essentially what this is

Some of the messages on here a bit aggressive. You don't come across as someone who is cynically milking Catholicism for a good education. Though you would have got better info from online research rather than ask a random lot of people on mumsnet.

I think your dd is too young to "choose" Catholicism but if the baptism / initiation programme is offered that's very unusual and in your shoes I'd take it up. It seems like you are open to participation in the faith life of the school and indeed would benefit from that into secondary.

Have you tried going to church? I'd recommend it. I realised I couldn't just let my kids take part and not join in myself. It was easier for me as a baptised Catholic to get back into it and I can honestly say my involvement in the church community is one of the best parts of my life.

My kids go to Catholic selective grammar and are considering the highly sought after Catholic colleges for 6th form and it helps to be top in the selection priority.

Thing is I genuinely want my dc to be schooled in a Catholic environment. My dc had non Catholic grammar options but I chose Catholic because it adds extra dimension of service to others, caring for others, understanding Catholic practices which they'd miss out on at non Catholic schools. Also it means they pray and go to mass as part of their day to day schooling. Its a real blessing and both my dc have thrived in our Catholic community. I'm so grateful.

I recommend going to some masses and talking to the priest. As you believe in God pray on it!

One of my church friends is baptised Cof E but he's there every week making music and friends! Don't assume everyone is Catholic or they all believe in God or that they all know what they are doing. Church is for everyone who needs it and you might need it now.

Church is important whereas school is just the add on. Try church and then see how you feel about the FHC.

I’m confused. Is your child actually baptised RC or not? If not then they can’t do it anyway. These are serious sacraments and not to be undertaken for social reasons.

You can still go to the mass and watch in a supportive role, your child doesn’t have to ‘miss out’ completely.

As someone who grew up in catholic Ireland I can tell you that having made the communion and confirmation I literally can’t remember a single the thing who it it other than wearing a horrible white dress and having to go to mass and got given the bread 🤷‍♀️

i did get a lot of money from people though so that was the best part for me 😬

I don’t know anything about first holy communion. I did want to say that I’m an atheist and went to a Catholic secondary and was very happy there. Virtually all of the kids and most of the staff were Catholic. I was not treated any differently from anyone else. Same for my nephew.

Consider taking Pascal's Wager.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pascal%27s_wager

Also, I am a scientist and you only have to read Genesis 1 to realise that it is 99% correct by modern science so the Bible must have something to offer.

Believe in The Dude, and you won’t croak. Eternal life, baby! ¡Ay, caramba! (Bart Simpson)

I don’t know any priest who would baptise children solely to do their first holy communion just to get into high school, it actually very frowned upon.

To be baptised you would have to commit to becoming a catholic, at the very least have meetings with the priest to discuss baptism. Some priests will do classes and request regular church attendance, you will also need Godparents who have to commit to the child’s catholic education. My DDs have both mix of catholic and none catholic god parents but each one required at least one catholic godparent.

All 3 of mine have done their first holy communion, this involved 8 weeks of classes for parents and children. The first 4 weeks in preparation for the sacrament of reconciliation, this needs to be done before first holy communion. The next 4 weeks is preparation for the first holy communion.

My DDs have attended both catholic primary and high school. Non have done their confirmation, that isn’t done until high school ages these days. So far the 2 in high school have opted out of their confirmations. Confirmations are about the child making their own decisions.

Each year group has varied on how many have taken their holy communion. Not every one has done it. There are plenty of non Catholics in both schools.

First holy communion is about the faith not the school, the church leads it, if there is a school attached to the church it makes it easier to work together, however there may be other children that attend the church but not the school that will be doing their holy communions at the same time.

Holy Communion is very much a family thing, not a friends event. None of the non catholic children attended any of my DDs communions. However, depending on how the families celebrate they may invite friends to the parties afterwards. That’s not to say you can’t all go along on the day to celebrate, the church will be open to anyone. Just be prepared that most of the church will be filled with families who probably have a set way of how they celebrate. Each time my DDs have done theirs we’ve had family’s come in from overseas and it’s a big right of passage for many catholic families.

Getting into the catholic high school had nothing to do with my DDs receiving their first holy communions, the only requirement was a catholic baptism.

Have you actually checked the criteria rather than listen to others? My DDs high school priorities feeder schools, catholic first then non catholic before catholics from other schools and parishes. You also need to look at “looked after children” they will also get priority over some catholic children.

OP, are you actually in the UK because none of what you are talking about sounds remotely familiar to me from my experience of having two children go through First Holy Communion at Catholic primary school in England?

Op you'd be best to speak with the school.
As they accept non-RC then they must know not every child will take part in FHC or Confirmation.
They must also have a protocol for what they do if children don't want to take part i imagine they'll be happy for them to sit in on the classes.

Chapels are normally very busy on Holy Communion days with kids & extended families.
I doubt they'll want people taking up seats who aren't fussed about being there.