1st Holy Communion - Advice please!

I don’t know any priest who would baptise children solely to do their first holy communion just to get into high school, it actually very frowned upon.

To be baptised you would have to commit to becoming a catholic, at the very least have meetings with the priest to discuss baptism. Some priests will do classes and request regular church attendance, you will also need Godparents who have to commit to the child’s catholic education. My DDs have both mix of catholic and none catholic god parents but each one required at least one catholic godparent.

All 3 of mine have done their first holy communion, this involved 8 weeks of classes for parents and children. The first 4 weeks in preparation for the sacrament of reconciliation, this needs to be done before first holy communion. The next 4 weeks is preparation for the first holy communion.

My DDs have attended both catholic primary and high school. Non have done their confirmation, that isn’t done until high school ages these days. So far the 2 in high school have opted out of their confirmations. Confirmations are about the child making their own decisions.

Each year group has varied on how many have taken their holy communion. Not every one has done it. There are plenty of non Catholics in both schools.

First holy communion is about the faith not the school, the church leads it, if there is a school attached to the church it makes it easier to work together, however there may be other children that attend the church but not the school that will be doing their holy communions at the same time.

Holy Communion is very much a family thing, not a friends event. None of the non catholic children attended any of my DDs communions. However, depending on how the families celebrate they may invite friends to the parties afterwards. That’s not to say you can’t all go along on the day to celebrate, the church will be open to anyone. Just be prepared that most of the church will be filled with families who probably have a set way of how they celebrate. Each time my DDs have done theirs we’ve had family’s come in from overseas and it’s a big right of passage for many catholic families.

Getting into the catholic high school had nothing to do with my DDs receiving their first holy communions, the only requirement was a catholic baptism.

Have you actually checked the criteria rather than listen to others? My DDs high school priorities feeder schools, catholic first then non catholic before catholics from other schools and parishes. You also need to look at “looked after children” they will also get priority over some catholic children.

OP, are you actually in the UK because none of what you are talking about sounds remotely familiar to me from my experience of having two children go through First Holy Communion at Catholic primary school in England?

Op you'd be best to speak with the school.
As they accept non-RC then they must know not every child will take part in FHC or Confirmation.
They must also have a protocol for what they do if children don't want to take part i imagine they'll be happy for them to sit in on the classes.

Chapels are normally very busy on Holy Communion days with kids & extended families.
I doubt they'll want people taking up seats who aren't fussed about being there.

Confirmation is in primary 7 here in Scotland. Its the last sacrament for my daughter before she starts high school. She will be still 11 when it happens. Unless they move the date from the start of next year to nearer easter, i can't see that happening as we have 1st communion in June. Xx

OP your child can only receive First Holy Communion if they have been baptised. It's not something you can opt in on.
When they are baptised, you have to agree to bring them up in the Catholic faith.

The school shouldn’t be offering this to non-catholics. It’s very odd on their part.

@LotsToLearnHere ah, I apologise.

As you aren’t Catholic and therefore dc hasn’t been baptised into the faith, you will need to advise the school you will opt out.

Kindly there is absolute nothing for your DC to ‘do’ and they don’t need to support their friends in their First Communion. That is the job of the family.
If you wanted as a family you could attend the Mass when the first communions will take place. As non Catholics none of you can take Holy Communion. That would be the amount of support that could be considered appropriate. But it certainly wouldn’t be expected. This is a family occasion.

Many informative posts here Op. Of course you can also research online.

FHC is receiving the body of Christ for the first time. It’s very sacred and remains sacred throughout your lifetime of receiving it every Mass.

your post seems to be dangerously confusing a sacred religious rite with a “good school/ education”. If as you say there are many non Catholics at this good school your child will not be alone in not committing to and not receiving FHC.

the use of the word “support” is odd. This is a joyous day for young Catholics and their families who will most likely have a family celebration afterwards. A child doesn’t need support from a classmate. Your dc may be invited to attend a party.

I have a child doing her communion next year. I was hoping her non catholic friends will support her by attending her party, bouncing on her bouncy castle and eating cake with her, if they are free that weekend. I will give them plenty of notice though!

Hi OP. I am a practising Catholic and my child did her first communion last year in year 3.
if your child isn’t fully on board, you shouldn’t allow her to present herself for the sacrament. She has the whole rest of her life to receive her first holy communion if that’s something she later decides she wants to do. It’s not year 3 or nothing. Older kids were doing it also in my child’s group and adults are received into the church every Easter.
Catholics believe that Jesus is present body blood soul and divinity in the bread and wine that we receive in holy communion. When you go up to the priest and receive communion at Mass he will say to you “the body of Christ” and you respond “amen” to signify your whole hearted acceptance before you receive the sacrament. If you don’t agree it is hypocritical to receive and something you are rightly challenging whether you want your daughter to proceed with.
she would have to go to regular classes normally run by the parish outside school. Arrangements vary in different areas. My daughter had about once a month on Saturday mornings. It’s basically free and you just contribute for the materials, taught by volunteers who give freely of their time. This reflects the Church’s belief that the sacraments should be freely available to everyone who want them.
As part of the preparation the children make their sacrament of reconciliation also known as their first confession. Every Catholic is required to receive this sacrament at least once a year, but it’s recommended to be more often, I think Pope Francis said he goes every two weeks - he finds it like a bath for the soul. In a confession the person goes individually to the priest, who is in personae Christi, or acting in the person of Christ, as he does in the Mass. The person will have reflected on their actions both good and bad and will tell their sins to the priest and ask through him for Jesus’ forgiveness. This is normally granted (there are some times it wouldn’t be like if you are continuing to do the bad thing with no intention of stopping but it’s hard to see how that would apply to a child).
You have to attend Mass with your child every week and children are reminded of the importance of the Sunday obligation. Children help out at the Mass. I remember doing the bidding prayers when I did mine and my daughter liked helping with the offertory, which is when they collect financial gifts and also bring up the gifts of bread and wine to the altar.
The week of the communion they have a rehearsal so they know how they will enter the church and where to sit. This might not be the same everywhere if they do it in class.
On the day they dress up - little girls wear white dresses and veils and little boys in suits. Some African boys from my daughter’s school wore traditional dress. My husband hadn’t been to a communion before as he was raised Anglican and he thought they looked like little brides. They have a full Mass with all their families (ours was two Masses to have enough space). Each child got one pew and then extra family members sat at the back. It takes place in June around the festival of Corpus Christi. The children receive first (having practised with unconsecrated hosts and water at their rehearsal, ours received the Body and the Precious Blood) then the families come up. Any family members who can’t receive for example not Catholic or in a state of mortal sin are invited to come forward for a blessing by the priest.
In my daughter’s class at Catholic school, most not all of the children did their First Communion. They didn’t all do it at the same Mass or anything as their families wouldn’t have fit so although the kids were aware oh X isn’t doing it, it was a very passing observation. If my daughter’s best mate hadn’t done it she would probably have been excited she was allowed to have a friend at her party (as it was all the same weekend the kids only get family at their parties lol).
they had a party at the school the next weekend which the parents ran as a potluck. Extra kids and family members came Im sure anyone in your situation would have been welcome to join such an event even if they had chosen not to do the rest of it.
If you @ me I will try and come back and answer any questions you have that I’ve missed. Sorry about my punctuation I’m on my phone.

I’m in Ireland and reconciliation takes place a few weeks before First Holy Communion here, so it doesn’t have to be a year before from the point of view of the Church.

Is it possible the timing varies from place to place within the UK and that some parishes have both sacraments in the same school year?

I'm a bit surprised you've got to First Holy Communion without having had to further engage in other Catholic practices. My children go to a catholic school and my eldest made his FHC last year

To get into the school you need to show baptism certificate on registering; year before first holy communion he made his reconciliation. You don't make your first Holy Communion without having done that.

Did they participate in reconciliation?

Following up on @MagnoliaTreeBlossom’s post, as a student at a Catholic school, your child will be doing all the class based prep. You chose to send your child there. You do not get to opt out.

However, on the day, your child may want to attend Mass to share in the celebration. This will be fine. Dress neatly and sit quietly at the back. Your child will not be entitled to participate in Communion but you and your child may go up the aisle at the appropriate time with your arms crossed over your chest and receive a blessing. The priest will mention this at the time.

But your child may not want to attend Mass at all and this will be equally fine. If your child has a special friend and would like to be nice, most newsagents in Australia have a card section for baptism, First Communion, engagement, weddings, anniversaries and funerals.

If you are not religious or of another faith, asking your child to become Catholic just to allegedly fit in is wrong in my opinion. If all the other children are, then for all of them knowing that not all children come from their background and that this should be respected is a valuable life lesson.

I think you should be approaching the school to ensure there is no negativity from the other children. Your child could attend the service to see what the other children have received.

On a slightly similar note, I was glad when non-religious places were able to host weddings, because I did not think it was a good thing for those of no religion to get married in a church.

My kids catholic primary had some non catholic children who didn't join in with FHC. It wasn't a problem. You might want to learn a bit more about the catholic faith eg this book might help. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Catholicism-Dummies-Rev-John-Trigilio/dp/1394399790/ref=asc_df_1394399790?mcid=f0c4b1bdc4ef3da6861095b414b27b4b&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=758342739556&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7876595326515015707&hvpone=&hvptwo=&h#immersive-view_1792736530103

As an aside. As you chose to send your child to a catholic school you really should get some understanding of the religion

This makes no sense to me. Popular Catholic primaries in the UK often require children to be baptised and show evidence of the family practicing before even applying. Yet you got your child into a school without the most cursory knowledge of the stages of religious practice as they affect a child at a Catholic school? And now you’re saying ‘Oh, he might feel left out?’

For what it’s worth, a friend’s DD was the only one not making her communion at her school (not a choice of Catholic school, in Ireland where the vast majority of schools are still Catholic, and she’d attended the only local secular school and been withdrawn due to bullying) — she and her mum just did some kind of treat day out on the day. No need for ‘support’ of classmates.

You’re worrying too much.

If you have zero interest or knowledge of the Catholic religion and do not plan to attend mass with your dc then this option is not for your dc.

Your dc doesn’t need to support his friends.