Pretty well off on paper but have no money and in debt.

I'm not in this situation but I do feel for you given your assets are tied. How old are the children? Can any of them contribute financially if they are working ? Or are they all in school / college ? Does the ex contribute towards the children? Taking advantage of single adult council tax payments ? That is a healthy pension pot, although I know the rules are changing about when you can draw from it and rising to 57 which doesn't help. I guess downsizing isn't an option? I take it you have looked at your spending and cut where possible? Could you sell a few items on Vinted to treat yourself to a few extra treats just to make life a little easier ? Are the children aware that things are a bit tight and any room for cutting back on brands / shopping etc ? I'm sure you've looked at all this and I'm sorry you're in this position after working so hard throughout. Must be hard but take the positives of your children and health and try and get out in nature and lots of walks and focus on what you do have.

It sounds hard. There may potentially be ways to increase earnings without returning to the full corporate life.

How much are the debts and by how much are you short each month?

OP what do you want from this thread? To let it all out and have a bit of a moan or advice?

if you want advice I think we need a rough take home and break down of outgoings.

If it’s just a moan perfectly acceptable and sounds like you did everything “right” and played the perfect daughter/ wife but didn’t actually live your life for you which is what is grating on you now.

That’s a huge pension pot. You only have three years til you can access it. If I were you I would take your pension early and also work alongside it until you get the state pension too, just to take the pressure off the monthly finances a bit.

That’s a massive pension pot for someone with 4 dc!

I’m really sorry to read this - that sounds very hard. Can you say a little more about the debt you mention in your post? If your children are no longer at home is there any opportunity to downsize and release some of the equity in your home? And - as a previous poster mentions - is your ex contributing at all to you or your children’s living costs?

Is there anyone you can talk with in real life?

Sorry - that is just lots of questions! Thinking of you x

That’s a pretty good size pension pot - can you reduce contributions at all, just growth on the existing pot will be more than enough unless you are planning to retire very very early.

The minimum age for accessing a pension is going up to 57 in April 2028 so op has got 5 years to wait.

You need a plan for getting through the next 5 years op. Could you borrow given you will be able to access cash in 5 years?

Hi OP. Do you work part time? Your only options are increasing your hours or getting a better paid job, or reducing your outgoings. Yes you have property and a decent pension but that’s not helping you right now. Unfortunately you’ll need to make some changes, or just continue to live like this until you can access your pension. Do your children contribute anything to the household expenses?

Accessing the pension pot at 57 is not necessarily the right course of action.
Do you have a written budget? I think you need to review this and perhaps consider ways to increase income (while being thankful for the very sensible decisions you made in early life)

Being asset rich but cash poor is more common than you think.

As other posters have said, unless you can downsize now or increase your income, there’s not much you can do for the next few years. What are your outgoings?

Are you entitled to any benefits if you are on a low income?

Sounds like you were terribly sensible and you will benefit later on. However you need to get straight for the here and now? I totally get your work choices, probably sensible at this stage of your life although charity work is notoriously poor paid, is there a middle ground between what you are doing now and the corporate world? Can you look at your budget? Will any of your children be working age soon, would you consider taking a modest rent?

If you wanted to increase your income there are lots of other jobs you can do - it isn’t just a choice between charity work or corporate.

We are in a very similar position with the added complication of me now being unable to work due to disabilities. When I was younger (now 46) I was very high earning and was mortgage free (similar value house to you) by 35. Dh works full time in a fairly low paid role. He does look for other things but this job has the added benefit of him being able to walk to work which helps if I suddenly have a health complication and need him home - all very complex. So we muddle through. 2 young adult dc at home. We manage but most of our money is tied up in our home etc. That’s okay, we know we are luckier than a lot of people worrying about mortgages etc.

Echoing the poster who asked do you want advice or do you want to vent?

Not sure how old the teenagers are but could you think of downsizing to a smaller house? I realise it might be hard to part with something you worked so hard for, but perhaps an idea to make your day to day life easier. Or can they work and contribute a bit?

If its any consolation im in my 40s and dont even have a property or a good disposable income. Lots of us caught in this trap at the moment. Cost of living crisis doesnt help!

I think it's probably not unusual at this stage of life? We have teens too so little disposable income but we do have a lot of equity in the house and big pension pots