Death, Proscratination & Failing

Feel so weak for finding it so so hard & comparing myself to others who seem to me from the outside breeze through grief & death & organizing things & taking decisions.

If it's any consolation then those people are probably still numb and powering through the organising on adrenaline. I was like that with DM's funeral - flew out to Australia, organised the funeral with DB, sorted her stuff out and flew back telling myself I'm fine, we expected it....

Six weeks later it was like someone had hit me with a club and I fell apart. Despite what you might read and despite what some people might say, there are no rules for how you deal with grief.

You're not a failure and you're not weak, You are grieving someone you loved very much. If the people around you who are waiting have any understanding they'll know that and give you grace.

((((((username90809435)))))) Some hugs from me.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It can seem overwhelming. It might help to just write down a few brief reflections about the person. Keep it simple and see where that leads. I'm sure your friends would be happy to advise on practicalities too. You have already made a start and that's half the battle. There's a reason you have been tasked with it. So it will be fine .

You have not failed. They are them, you are you. They are reacting in their way, you are reacting in yours. Neither of these is the right way and neither of these is the wrong way. Please don't beat yourself up over this. The person you are grieving for I'm sure would not want that.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please don’t feel like you’re failing. Grief isn’t just an emotional state, it takes a massive toll on your ability to think, concentrate, make decisions, retain information.

I don’t know how old your loved one was, but within hours of my DM’s death I was mobbed by anxious elderly people obsessed with needing to know exactly when and where the memorial service would be, how long it would go on for, the arrangements for toilets and parking and refreshments. I was literally still at the hospital, and hadn’t spoken to the a funeral director yet!

It felt like everyone’s inability to cope with loss and uncertainty got channelled into haranguing me about the minutiae of a memorial service I’d only just discovered I would be planning.

If you are feeling pressure from other people, know that this is just a manifeststion of their own grief and shock. They can cool their heels. You can only do what you can do.

Sending much love. ❤️💐

PS - my father never got around to scattering his parents’ ashes for over 40 years, and then died himself before he managed it. They are somewhere in his house but his widow can’t find them. However much you think you’ve held things up, it’s really nothing in the grand scheme of things. ❤️

I thought taking 17 years to scatter DM's was a long time.....