Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

The thing is, none of us know how her sons autism presents. It could be anything, we don't know what he's doing at college, it could be A levels or basic skills. We also don't know anything about the mother of this baby and what is going on for her.

It might be that they could parent successfully, or there is no chance of this and the baby (if not in a safe environment with involved grandparents) will be removed very quickly.

I think what ever lies ahead is quite probably a long and difficult road and it is not good for this baby to make the assumption that either or both sets of grandparents will be able to cope, short or long term

You’re being a little delusional here. op says they have care needs, and therefore that suggests they cannot fully care for themselves. Let alone a child.

As has been said below, social care (they have not been called social services for all of this century but nobody ever seems able to grasp that) has a duty to look first to the family to see if the family can assist in bringing up the children.

If that can’t be done then there are limited options. It seems unlikely that the parents can manage this baby full-time but this will have to be assessed, possibly in a parent and baby home and that will be time limited. If it is assessed that they cannot manage to care well enough to meet the baby’s needs in the short medium a long-term, then there will be care proceedings. The needs of the parents for assistance would also be taken into account.

If the court agrees that the parents can’t meet the child needs then a child might be placed for adoption.

Above all, the needs of the child for a timely resolution will be prioritised.

Social care is funded by taxpayers, who are not generous in these matters.

I would have to stand by my ND child and help him. Nero diversity is incredibly unique to each person, even my parents who I'm very close to don't really understand how it affects my DS. I doubt he will be an adult at 18yrs. Its so stressful. I find that people are either banging on about how PIP/DLA shouldn't be paid for "just" autism, and then you read this thread where it's clear that people don't think there capable of being parents which would indicate a level of disability.

I don't think SS are unreasonable for asking the OP if her son, his girlfriend and baby can stay half the week. Equally, I don't think the OP is unreasonable for wanting to say No. Surely SS should ask family first to assist before taking further steps?

OP, you have a huge amount on your plate, with your son's disability, working and having to care for your elderly Mum. Having your son, his girlfriend and baby living with you for half the week, isn't something that can be sustained long-term. To me it's a very short-term solution.

What happens if you say No? Is there any kind of plan from SS? Is your son and his girlfriend capable of looking after the baby? How much support do they need?

No, no and no again. SS will do anything to get out of having responsibility. If you do this you will be stuck with it.

Two learning disabled parents will give any child of theirs very little advantage.

Absolutely this. I’m sure some people will hold up their hands in horror, but it’s the cold hard truth

It’s not up to the state to provide everything though. As parents it’s our job to go out and earn the money to provide for our children

but... its case by case isnt it. Anyway this op has a 19 year old soon to be father for a son, so she cant run away from it mentally its always there. Always a source of worry. Its a hard life. Parents of NT kids/adult kids, have no idea what its like.

Wpuld social services support the baby going at a young age to a full-time nursery?

can you afford to finance them? Obv they will receive money but none of that would go your way,

what is the plan when they choose t have child number 2, with them living in such a supported way for dc 1?

You need to just say no
they need to be in supported living with trained people to help them.
if you say no social services will have to do something and if you agree they’ll basically leave you to it!

how irresponsible tho that poor baby!

Not true at ALL
What's best for the BABY is to remain within its family of origin. If that's not possible then other steps will be taken but exploring family support isn't at all about the 'easiest' or 'cheapest' or a way to 'get them off the books' it's literally the law!
How many people posting on this thread would be outraged if a baby was removed from parents with LDs and no social worker had even bothered to ask the family if they would help!?

And if she got pregnant again..........and again?

What happens when the OP is elderly?

A school friend had an older sister who was autistic. The parents insisted on keeping her at home for years.

Only when the mother was widowed and was informed that the middle girl (away from home) had a terminal diagnosis whilst the youngest (away from home) had a significant health condition did she agree that the eldest could move into assisted accommodation.

The mother would have been in her late 70s by then. Once the eldest had moved into assisted accommodation - basically a group home situation but with some independence - she was actually very happy.

Exactly, they are looking at what's easiest for them not what's best for you or your son. It's all about saving money and pushing responsibility on to you.

No no a thousand times no. She stays with her responsible adult , her mother and your son stays in his home and continues college . The GF will hopefully be flagged by midwives , SS and a care plan may be put in place depending on the area . She could even be placed in a Mother & Baby Unit for extra help if appropriate. But none of this will even be a possibility if SS , etc. can force you and her mother to take on this responsibility. It is not being harsh , it's trying to get the best possible outcome and being on your home under those circumstances is definitely not the best they can do .

Also it sounds like your partner is mot
your sons dad and that’s why he’s no onboard.

time for the partner to man up or move out . No one should try and make you choose them over your child .

I would take them in as I wouldn’t want to see my own son or my grandchild struggling . That also means the girlfriend as part of the package .

i also would want them full time as moving half the week is ridiculously disruptive especially with a new baby and all the stuff they have .

Stand firm OP. No, I can't accommodate them. Rinse and repeat. Good luck!

Your partner? Do I assume not your son‘s father then?

I'm not sure on what planet a social worker thinks two people with learning disabilities and a baby are going to thrive and get their shit together by moving between two houses every few days and camping out in their childhood bedrooms

They'll know this perfectly well, @SoThatsTheWayItIs, but their priority will be getting the case off the books and "support" - which as so many have said won't happen - is just used as a carrot

It's perfectly possible to support DS/GF, but that doesn't have to mean having them to stay, so for me the only possible answer would be no

because you cant just care and support an autistic kid then get rid when they mess up/ get older...

which sums up the whole autism parenting thing.... Like op, there is no escape for a loving mother, life time of worry and challenges for many. Reality of it all. And relevant to the op.

Sadly, I would not believe any promises of support from Social Services - they are just too stretched and the temptation to wash their hands of your son & girlfriend would always be there.

I would refuse.

What did your son think would happen?