Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

It isn’t a matter of just letting their grandchild go into care. To take this on Op would essentially be supporting two significantly disabled people along with a child. With no end date and minimal support.

No they really won't. If she says no, it's not a 'who blinks last' situation, the child might end up in care.

Fuck sake
Nothing about this is an 'easy fix'
The attitude towards social workers on this thread is vile

Say no... they will have to get them supported living or a place to live with support.
Its not fair on yourself they will have to learn to stand on their own two feet at some point.. so now it is .

Absolutely not, social services are just after an easy fix. You can help them when and where you want to help not when social services say so

I meant your example of the grandparents raising the child. If the child was cared for by grandparents and the parents were still in its life they would still have younger parents. A lot of this thread has also focused on the child having numerous SEN issues and not being NT so who knows how the child will react.

I don't imagine moving homes every 3 or 4 days would be good for any of them.

That will only help the case if it's viable for the two teenagers to raise a baby together in their own home. Quite likely that would be completely unsafe, so I wouldn't be advising OP to pursue that route.

Of course it's a problem, since they're impaired by a learning disability and Social Care has already decided that they can't cope on their own.

I mentioned upthread that I have experience of working with a pupil who lived with is grandparents and intellectually impaired father. That pupil was under constant stress.

I recall that the least of his problems was the fact that his grandparents' will left their estate to his intellectually impaired father and he lived in fear of losing his place of abode. (Yes, very bad planning on the grandparents' part, given the circumstances.)

Individual lives vary of course. But it's very settled knowledge that children have better outcomes across the board when they are raised within their family of origin, even notwithstanding low income, poor or overcrowded housing etc than those raised in foster care or adoption.

I know ss and housing have nothing to do with each other, i work in housing. They are currently housed, but if OP says no she wont house them, then they wont be housed as only stay at girlfriends house half the week, and have nowhere else the rest of the week. For them to be housed they essentially need to be on paper 'homeless' and then LA would be able to prioritise them as theyre both vulnerable, homeless and pregnant. However this varies from LA to LA and how dire the housing situation is in each area.

Example North tyneside youd be housed in this exact scenario within 3 months, as the LA has more housing stock, whereas in Newcastle, theyd sadly be waiting a lot longer as less housing stock and would likely have to go to a complex case panel. So it really does vary. Ive worked accross lots of different LAs.

OP, i sincerely hope that they get the support they need, but while technically 'housed' by you they won't, youll have to tell them they have X months to leave your home, which i appreciate is hard, however will help your case. You have some hard calls to make here!

True.

He had an extremely hard childhood and lost his "Dad" when he was young. He had what would now be recognised as PTSD because of some of his experiences.

When he married, he and his wife adopted a 2 yr old and later, a baby. (Different birth origins.)

The siblings are very close to one another and have had a very good life with extremely successful careers. They've been given the opportunity to read all the information about their biological background but have refused (apart from when of them needed medical information).

They're now middle-aged with families of their own.

It does vary a great deal.

The situation with the OP's family is very different. The fact that the OP is being asked to cope with two learning disabled adults plus a baby makes things so much harder.

OP's son is at college and capable of being in a relationship. It's not the state's duty to subsidise him for life. People need to face their responsibilities, as individuals and as parents.

What I love about some of these comments are people call social services baby snatchers but then when they approach family to offer support so children don’t get put into care they are slammed. OP it is 100% okay to say no but if your son and his gf are not able to care for the child then the child may end up living elsewhere. It’s a horrible situation for you to be in through no fault of your own. If it’s not practical for you to care for the baby/your son then you can say no. I’m guessing social services are doing parenting assessments of your son and his gf and are trying to do it in a safe way. If this is not possible then they need to come up with another solution. I hope it works out okay and you get support for you whatever outcome you get. It’s not your bfs fault or unreasonable that he doesn’t want a baby living in the home.

Delibrately, or even unintentionally through lack of due care, getting pregnant with no home or income in place does tend to determine who is a bad parent though!

But Mum and Dad would still be in there lives if they didn't go in to care so that wouldn't be a problem.

Life would likely have been even harder for him if he had been adopted. Children do much better when they remain in their family of origin, even if their carers are older.

There's so much more to it than this.

Someone very close to me was brought up by his grandparents. He loved them dearly, but life was so much harder for him as a result of being brought up by a "Mum" and "Dad" who were so much older than the norm.

Is she only a teenager as well? So so they live with her daily the rest of the week? What a mess. If you need support, can you not keep chasing social services and say that if they don’t provide it you will have to hand them over to their care? If she is going to go through with this pregnancy then that’s another conversation entirely as you would probably end up raising the child. Nightmare

Do people know outcomes for kids in care are poorer?

Thank you, I missed that and of course it changes things.

However, the grandparents need to be signed up for providing hands on support for the next 18 years and possibly well beyond. If they're not, it is much better to know now.

Yes, I understand that mentally it's always there. The point that I'm trying to make - in a rather inarticulate manner, probably - is that support outside the family is better sought now rather than later.

I am surprised how many posters would just let their grandchild go into care

He also has a learning disability as does his partner. Add that to autism and it suggests a significantly impaired capacity to parent in both of them.