Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Absolutely agree, SS will drop and run as soon as you agree to this. I have no idea why they think splitting the week between 2 households will work. It won’t

my mum had a relative who needed carers 4 times a day including a twilight call at 4 am. My mum said she could stay at his house for a couple of weeks only then she would have to go back to her own house

SS within the 2 weeks cancelled the twilight visit as my mum was there without telling anyone and told her they couldn’t reinstate the visit and if my mum wasn’t there overnight the person would have to go into a home. Propley screwed them both other

do not agree to any trial period if you can’t take this on for what, the next 16 years

Utterly ridiculous and I would say a big firm no to this suggestion. I deal with social workers in my job. There are some committed and diligent ones but many are lazy and inherently stupid. As other posters have said social services will bail out the minute they think things are resolved. If you have any problems you won't be able to get hold of anyone.

This. The OP is being asked to give up her whole life forever. It's not an easy ask.

^ This.

@plasticplate is right.

Of course not! But this was a vulnerable teenager and we could have been murders or something.
Besides when we insisted he couldn't stay they magically did find somewhere else for him to live so...
They won't leave teenagers homeless especially in the OPs case but if they can force family to take them they will and then will never bother with the family again and insist they have to stay there because there is nowhere else.
If you say from the beginning you can't help they will have to offer support, although I don't know what that support would look like.

None of this is your fault. Sending you a big hug. Don’t be hard on yourself.

I would say no. I know it sounds awful, but as you’ve said you cannot watch them all the time and at 19 you shouldn’t have to. If there are concerns about them not being able to the care of a baby then perhaps it is for the best the baby is in care ? Because it sounds to me they are using you to avoid doing this and my worry is of something dire happen what does that mean for you - especially since you care for your mum.

@TheOchreEaglewhere are social care proposing they are housed for the rest of the week? At her mum’s house?

With both parents having learning disabilities what is the chance of baby being intellectually disabled as well?

OP, are you able to provide care to effectively three vulnerable people?

1. You don't feel you have capacity

1. You don't think they would accept your input

1. Your partner is not on board

Point 2 seems particularly difficult to work around. With 1 and 3 there might be room for negotiation if you definitely wanted to do it. E.g. 2 nights a week instead of 3 or 4. Or they do a parent and baby placement first and then you will have them if that is successful. But if they're likely to be combative it sounds unworkable.

Which legislation do you think applies here? Are you thinking of disability law? Because that does not apply to supporting people to parent. The children act does not legally oblige children's services to house these parents either. Which bit of law are you referring to?

That is horrific and so bloody sad 😥

Well yes. This was what happened with one of my pupils. The parent was autistic and had 7 children in the end. My pupil was the youngest. It took a long time before social services removed them.

The parent seemingly couldn't cope and reacted by physically abusing the children, with the eldest trying to protect their siblings.

I noticed where you said you blamed yourself but please don't because it's not your fault at all. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it.

These two young people don't seem at all prepared for the responsibility of parenthood so it might be best all around if the baby is adopted out. But of course that's not a decision you have to make.

As for having the baby and mother there half the week, honestly, it's clear that it's just too much and it's not the only option available. So I'd just say no, before you get in deeper and can't get out of it. It's okay and quite reasonable to say no. :)

Dont do it.
Social services will screw you over. The second you accept this, they will walk away.

If you want them to getthe support they need and are entitled to as vulnerable people you have to force social services to fulfil their legal responsibilities by refusing to step in and house them
I know it seems heartless but it is the only way they will get help.
If you dont then they will live between you and her mum indefinitely and that is in nobody's best interests.
Once ss are forced to support them and have that in place, you can be supportive and help out informally

The person close to me didn't have a parent in his life, though he was able to connect with siblings in his later years.

Most of my pupils being raised by grandparents were in a situation where the parents were absent or intellectually impaired, either through disability or through drug use. I acknowledge, however, that many of them still sought a connection with the parents.

I can also think of pupils whose lives improved once they were removed from a parent who really wasn't fit for parenting. I'm thinking of one pupil in particular where the intellectually impaired parent beat the children. Fortunately in that case, the foster carers were able to trace an older sibling who had protected their foster-child and to give him a positive birth family connection, so I can understand what you're saying about the importance of the birth family.

But yes - the OP's family is in an unusually challenged situation and I genuinely do not see how she can be expected to cope with two intellectually disabled adults plus a baby.

Actually the law says children are better looked after within their own families unless it is unsafe to do so.

Thats why you are being asked OP the services have a duty to try that option first. If you already know you will struggle to have influence over these two young adults then you are right to be cautious. Once a baby comes into the equation the focus has to be different and that can be a very difficult balance to manage. The safety of the baby would have to be your priority however your adult son and his girlfriend may not be able to understand that or accept it which could lead to difficulties in your relationship with them. If they cannot manage would you or the other grandparent be prepared to raise this child?

Why don’t you house them then

It’s the girlfriend’s mum’s grandchild too.

And what if they produce another grandchild and then another. An awkward question that no one wants to answer

Well if you don’t the child might get taken off them. That’s your grandchild.

That's a completely different situation.
In those situations where the parents refuse to have their teenager back there is NOWHERE for them to be put by social services so they have no choice but to call around anyone who might take them. Some parents believe if you just 'refuse' to have your child back that a home will magically be found for them but it's just impossible. Do you think social workers are holding out on you and secretly hoarding suitable available foster homes!? It's a completely shit and impossible situation when it happens.

I think what sethandrubenn is saying is that while adults can be supported in specialist housing but not children where the parents are unable to learn how to look after the child.
this may be sad but I imagine very realistic.

Yes I agree, don't do it.
We had a massive fight with SS regarding my DDs boyfriend a few years ago..He moved out of home and wound up with us for five nights. Five days of fighting with the council and then SS. We eventually basically forced the SW to meet us and take him in. We were due to move house that weekend and the stress was ridiculous. SS kept asking us to keep him just one more night.
That was a boy that wasn't even related to us, we could have been anyone and even DDs school got involved I imagine it would be even worse if it was actually family.