Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Which would probably be the best outcome. What kind of life is the child going to have?

I would be pushing for an assessment placement for at least the girlfriend and baby. From experience it becomes clear very quickly whether she can be good enough to care for the baby. But you would have to accept the the baby would go into care and be adopted, albeit perhaps in an open adoption, if she couldn’t manage. Everything seems possible until the reality kicks in. Say no but keep supporting your son and push SS.

Crazy idea for the young people to be shuttling between 2 houses, and definitely not workable for you. You can offer them all the support you can manage but they need a stable home and you can't be permanently on call as their carer.
Highly questionable what sort of support you'd get from Social Services - don't let them pressurise you into an impossible situation.

You'll be looking after all three for a very long time if you say yes.

the answer is, of course, no. Unless you're happy with them being with you for years and years.

Maybe this varies by area? A former coworker’s DD was in a similar situation and she was housed before the pregnancy even ended.

OP made no mention of adoption, so I assume that’s not on the table at the moment.

Of course services are stretched, but if anything this is a situation in which it makes absolute sense to try and have as much support as possible from SS and LA.

A former coworker with learning disabilities was in a similar situation at 20 and she was placed in her own flat and the family helped as they could. Obviously the extent of disabilities is different for each person but AFAIK the kid is being brought up fine and healthy.

No it's not.

This.

This is an incredibly difficult situation for you.
it was really unfair of SS to drop this on you in a meeting.
Do not take this on, there is an extreme shortage of care & support on top of that social housing in most areas is impossible to obtain.
I fear if you say yes now the family will receive little or no help & it will be recommend they “stay” with you & the girls mother for support & stability.
Chances are the closer the due date gets the more involved SS will be, child planning and protection meetings ect it sounds like you have enough going on without this added pressure.

But people with LD do often struggle with planning, good decision making and consequences. A baby will be the ultimate test of this, the fact that SS are involved at all suggests there is concern they won't be able to manage. Therefore I don't think it's unreasonable for the mother of a daughter with LD to advocate very strongly for LARC, because having a baby removed would be so much worse for everybody, but especially her, and could definitely happen here.

Yep MN rules are that a step parent gets no say unless it involves handing over £££££££ or childcare/ housework created by the child like washing etc

They are not always capable or stable

Partner? Are they your sons biological parent? If not then they dont get a say or thought on this 😊
Kids come first always, and i tell you something social will have great ease putting that little baby into 'care'. Partner? Are they your sons biological parent? If not then they dont get a say or thought on this 😊

Kids come first always, and i tell you something social will have great ease putting that little baby into 'care'.

Having felt very manipulated and hugely let down by SS, I can only advise from my perspective.
Do the thing that suits you and not them. Don't be bullied or schmoozed.
You are still working, from home.
Have another adult and a baby home half the week may make that difficult.
And then your own relationship.
Pushing two young people to live together, even for half the week, with a new baby, is a recipe for disaster.

I’d say no to this. Are ss saying they’re not capable of caring for the baby without support? Or if you say no will they support them regarding getting housed. Because if family house them that’ll be it for ever and a day. They’ll be so far down a housing list compared to being homeless. I guess her mum may end up doing the whole week which is sad for her if she does.

and if they’re incapable then adoption probably is best. I’m not parenting a grandchild

Probably for the same reasons that OP doesn't want them there at all, and most people (myself included) are saying that it's unworkable.

Absolutely not @TheOchreEagle

This just isn’t manageable for you so say no and stick to it

Legislation that may apply to two autistic young adults having a baby and social services are already involved?
Off the top of my head
The children's act, the care act, all the safeguarding and vulnerable adult regulations, children and family act, could possibly argue human rights act and equality act in so far as right to support for family life etc, then there's the issue of capacity which if applicable has a shit tonne of stuff.

If it was one of my sons I would be making a loooong list of potential legislation and guidance that may apply or which you could use to make the argument that social services has a duty of care here.

When I worked in the field many many many years ago we had a project that was independent living flats for vulnerable people who were parents.

It's a tough one and my instinct would be to say no if I was in OPs position. However, I also sympathise with the girls mother as she might end up carrying the full weight of responsibility - as usually happens in these situations, where parents are either to young to parent their child independently or are otherwise incapble. The maternal family end up making the sacrifices and supporting the mother and baby, whether they want to or not, despite both parents being equally responsible (or irresponsible) for the pregnancy.

Of course you’ll blame yourself OP, I think guilt arrives in your life with the baby but this is not your fault. You’ve tried to avoid teen PG and unfortunately that hasn’t worked.

Are you able to talk to him about what he wants?

I don’t think you’d be in the wrong at all to say no to this arrangement. Is his GF under 18 and has her Mum said why she’d only be willing to have her and the baby half a week?

@WearyAuldWumman im sorry you got the same issue

the message here is do not accept any trial periods or see how it goes from SS for impossible situations for you and your family. As soon as you try something SS will stop offering support and taking your calls for help

Sorry, I missed this. So, the pregnant girlfriend is living at home and your son is living with you currently?

Is the mum suggesting your son also lives with her half the week? Or is she agreeing to have the daughter and baby stay for half the week, but then wants her daughter to take the baby away the other half, but not your son at all?

I don't understand why so many people think adoption would be a poor outcome. I think the opportunity for the child to be brought up by capable and stable family would be ideal.

That rings a bell.

When my husband had his stroke, I was promised that the'd get three visits a day. On the day that he was discharged, the care manager took one look at me and cut the visits to one a day.

My mother with severe osteoporosis and dementia was living with us and I worked full time.

After three days (I think) DH's care was withdrawn completely - I was instructed to get him up, dressed and breakfasted before I went to work and to leave lunch for him in the fridge.

The only problem was that I did have a carer coming in for my mum, but often had to help the carer or step in when whoever was on turned up late - or didn't get there at all. It reached the stage that I was only just getting into work on time and no more.