Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

You aren't being realistic as to how hard this would be for the OP!

I would say no. You don't even have to take calls from them, IMO.
Can SS not help Son and gf find housing and services that are available to them like they would if you were not here?
So I'd tell them it's not possible.
I would think Son can live with you, where he lives now, I am assuming and the gf and baby can live with her mom....where she currently lives. If her mom wants her out then SS will have to try and help her with housing I guess.....

Very tricky. I assume they've asked the girls mother and she has said no, as that'd be the first port of call. Try to find out their intentions as all ss are out to do it take kids away. I know ud want to avoid this so while u can say no, do engage with them to find a better solution for all of them

This 100%.

Say no. The repercussions later on would be devastating.

This definitely.
Once the little family are with OP, that is were they will stay!

Yes exactly
I would never say anyone should be raising a relative's child to prevent them from going into care - many people choose to but it must be a free choice. However it needs to be explored before the draconian step of removal is contemplated. That is the law, not 'social services wanting to do the least'

Social services don't get people their own places.

Social services have no input into housing. They can make recommendations to the local housing authority but they have no authority other than that and it’s down to availability, suitability and cost. Child services will have input into the safeguarding of the baby and adult social care will possibly provide a package of care and support, but it’s neither practical nor reasonable to expect this to be in place indefinitely if there is no prospect of these two people being able to parent without significant support. Adoption would be the better option.

No, I think the point here is that if they are never going to be able to parent without needing the equivalent of full time support (as OP is being asked to give) then the situation has to be reviewed because adoption would be the obvious alternative. People seem to think that social services have an obligation to provide indefinite support in these situations and this just isn’t the case. Sometimes the best solution all round isn’t necessarily the one the parents would choose for themselves.

If social services are saying they gonna be involved why cant they get them there own place. Sounds like they trying to find a solution where they will have minimum involvement

I would have thought that any assessment of the support needed for them to live independently would have looked at not only the cost of housing and any support package, but also for how long that support would have to be in place. If there is no prospect of them being able to parent without permanent and substantial support then adoption would be the alternative. It sounds harsh but the reality is that there simply isn’t the funding available to support this kind of situation indefinitely.

Most people don't have to cope with caring for two disabled adults plus a child. It's really too much.

My caring responsibilities started when was 36, I think, and continued until I was about 61. I've never been in the OP's position, but at one point was working full-time and caring for three adults, though there was no hands on care at the very beginning - by that time, I was a bit older and looking after only two.

I suspect that the OP is older than I was. it's highly unlikely that she'll outlive her DS, the GF and the baby. The short-term 'solution' of splitting the new family between the OP and the GF's mother is simply not going to work.

Doesn’t alter the fact that she would be caring for two significantly disabled adults and a child. And with no end date. It would also cost her her relationship. I think that’s a huge ask.

@Iris2020 most people become either carers or cared for in later life. Happens to nearly everyone

You expect her to send herself.to an early grave doing it forever?

The OP @TheOchreEaglehas not returned to the post to confirm what level of support her son and his girlfriend need or currently have so it’s very difficult to offer advice as the spectrum of possible scenarios here is huge.

Agree.

For some reason my reply to someone else, who asked if they had considered abortion was deleted, one of them was anyway

So just to say again, I would definitely have asked if abortion was a possiblity.

Yes the only legal responsibility is to the baby yet to be born. And that responsibility does not have to mean supporting the parents.

I think a lot of people posting on this thread have direct experience of adult social care which is colouring their responses and also creating a misunderstanding about the legal duty of children's social work family help. There seems to be an idea that lifelong support is legally required under the children act which unless the child is disabled themselves (which still doesn't create any kind of legal duty to house and support their parents) is not the case. Posters are fixated on social services 'palming off' responsibility to the grandparents where there is simply no such legal duty in existence.

Half a week here/there is not going to work full time so either you will end up taking full responsibility, her mum will or social services will have to.

If you do feel able to do this, I would assume it will become full time and you won't get any outside support.

Agree. It would have been my first thought tbh.

Sorry but social services are not directly or solely responsible for providing housing for young adults with learning disabilities who are parents. The statutory responsibility is with the local housing authority.

Children’s services become involved to safeguard the child and in situations where a child is at risk of homelessness or separation from the parents, they can sometimes fund emergency accommodation, but this is a temporary safety net, not a long-term housing obligation. Adult social care will assess for and where possible arrange any necessary support packages for safe and independent living. They can also provide independent living skills training, but they have no obligation to provide or fund housing.

LA provision differs from area to area and in our region there is an integrated system of adult learning disability teams, children's services, and housing departments working together, but as with everything, budget constraints apply and if the parents require substantial and long term help in order to be able to parent, then adoption would be considered.