Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Absolute hyperbole, not what I or anyone ever said or implied.
Maybe familiarise yourself with the sections of the children act which set out the legal duty of local authorities to explore family support especially where care proceedings may be considered before casting aspersions on social workers for attempting everything possible to keep children within their families of origin.

This is absolutely not the same thing as supporting two disabled adults and their child. OP will likely have to take on parenting duties for the child too if they are unable to do it themselves. It’s a huge undertaking and l doubt even the most dedicated of mothers would take it on without a second thought. The consequences to OP herself are very significant.

We’ve been through this in detail upthread. Social services are not responsible for finding them other, or indeed any accommodation. That’s down to the local housing authority and social services have no input other than making recommendations. Provision depends on resources and if OP houses them then, aside from their disabilities, they won’t be a priority to the local authority because they are not homeless.

Social services have a legal obligation to investigate whether family are available and willing to take on care in these circumstances before moving on to other available options because resources are limited.

Adult social care can provide a package of services to support independent living, but the reality here is that if these two people cannot parent this child without long term substantial support then adoption would be considered as an alternative solution.

Asking you to have them living with you is a quick fix for the Social Services . I’m thinking that once they are living with you the SS won’t be so quick to find them other accommodation

Your experiences are not universal and knowing someone will need support is not relevant.

So again, I doubt the veracity of your claim that "most" mothers would now face unemployment as it will no longer be possible to work from home with two adults with disabilities and their newborn baby living in the 2nd of two bedrooms in their home, both adults being resistant to any advice or being told anything, who will need close monitoring from the OP who will also have to maintain her caring duties for her sick, elderly mother.

Some would, certainly. Many would not.

Caring for her sick mother suggest "caring for her sick mother". Which is the case.

Just to add, I grew up in a very poor area where plenty of teenage girls got pregnant and raised the baby in their childhood bedroom, before finally getting their own place. Their mother's helped with the baby and taught their daughters how to care for the baby.
I know they will need ongoing support, but OP must have known her son was likely to need ongoing support as an adult.

Her mother is in a care home. I know there is still some advocacy and things to do, but it is not anywhere like the phrase caring for her sick mother suggests.

It's for half the week. Those two adults include ops son and the baby her grandchild. I would try and make it work. I am assuming the baby would end up in care though as the adults would not be able to parent without ongoing support.

Thank you for the link to your skillfully constructed audit, the results of which have indicated that "most" mothers would - checks notes -

Now face unemployment as it will no longer be possible to work from home with two adults with disabilities and their newborn baby living in the 2nd of two bedrooms in their home, both adults being resistant to any advice or being told anything, who will need close monitoring from the OP who will also have to maintain her caring duties for her sick, elderly mother.

Really?? Most mothers would step up and help their adult child and grandparent.

Yep. You see, women only exist in some mumsnetter's eyes as a resource, at all ages and stages. Their time, lives, labour, freedom are for other people to dole out, as they see fit.

No.

23 years of social work. You?

Sorry, do you have personal experience of dealing wirh these cases?

Yes, and you’ll likely be a much better grandma if they are not crammed into a tiny room next to yours, depleting your resources and sleep. I know resources are tight, but this does t sound like a sustainable suggestion from social services. What happens when baby gets older? Absolutely say no. You really need your space - you’ve got a lot of stress.

Thank you for your comment, it's appreciated

I would definitely like many have said challenge SS.

Make them aware that you cannot be the "carer " to two adult with support needs and a baby, you work and have an elderly parent. You would be pushed to burn out. The "support" they say will be there will not materialise.

I think mak8ngvthem aware this is not suitable and push back. They need to come up with a different more suitable plan. It wouldn't be logistically viable for the poor baby with no settled pattern of where they live.

The thing is it depends doesn't it? There have been rare but harrowing cases of babies being removed or threatened to be removed at birth for tenuous reasons (and parents escaping abroad and being totally fine, proving ss wrong) and hopefully a majority of cases like you describe, when removing is the last resort.

How are you today OP? Sending support because it sounds like a really tricky place to be and I feel for you

IMO experience taking children into care is the absolute last resort as far as child services are concerned. I’ve worked with social workers who have gone above and beyond, as well as thinking outside the box to provide solutions that don’t involve removing a child.

all ss are out to do it take kids away

Wrong and extremely offensive

It is the standard alternative solution if OP refuses to support these two people and their baby, which she is perfectly entitled to do - it’s a massive ask. Social care is not there to provide unlimited support for two people who will likely never be able to parent without substantial support. Once that becomes clear, adoption becomes an option. The solution isn’t always one that suits the parents, but is the practical thing to do for the benefit of all concerned.

That's a hell of an over reaction! Nobody told you they were better than you because you have autism so let's not make things up eh! You claiming your whole family has it suggests to me you are all mildly trying to fit in that label. There's varying severity of autism! It's not for you to make anyone feel like shit for thinking it's too big a thing to take on two learning disabled teenagers and a baby that may well have a higher of chance of disabilities that could be far more severe than you and your family!

People aren't robots! What if the girlfriends mother doesn't cope with her half of the week either! This could go very wrong! The jobs market is pretty bad right now so there is no knowing if or when that couple may work and have finances! So you just expect the OP to have spare cash to cover everything!

Social services have a legal obligation to approach the families to see what support they may be able to offer before they move to the next stage. If the family refuse to support then adult social care will look at their options and if it’s clear that these two adults are never going to be capable of parenting without substantial and long term support then adoption will be one of the alternatives. Social services have absolutely no obligation to provide expensive and long term support if the situation has no hope of improving.

Social services want you to do it as it makes it easy for them but what you should do should be in everyone's best interests