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Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

461 replies

TheOchreEagle · 19/10/2026 12:45

My son is 19 autistic and still at college and lives at home, he has got his girlfriend pregnant it seems intentionally. Social services have asked us to house them half the week in his bedroom. My partner is not at all happy with the idea. I think it could potentially destroy our relationship.

I feel so torn I don’t believe it will work his bedroom is right next to ours and we would hear every noise. He is very resistant to being told anything and i don’t think his girlfriend would be very receptive to any advice.

They both have learning disabilities so would need close monitoring which would be difficult. I work at home as well as being a carer for my mother who although currently in a care home still makes demands on my time.

Social services have said there would be support but as it has taken 3 months to hear anything i find that doubtful.

I do want to help but living with us is just too much. Anyone had any experience of this or can offer any advice.

OP posts:
zoeslim · 19/10/2026 12:53

no you will end up a full time carer for 2 adults and a baby
As soon as they are with you SS will wash their hands

DebbieSavage · 19/10/2026 12:52

Bigboldfont · 19/10/2026 12:49

Say no. How heartbreaking, the baby has such a high risk of being born very high needs on the autism spectrum with 2 disabled parents and if both are learning disabled, are they capable of looking after a baby safely?

There is no reason to suggest that they would be anything but the best of parents. Disability does not determine who is a good parent or not.

MyLifeInBooks · 19/10/2026 12:52

Just say no it would not work due to your work commitments. It's an easy fix for SS to house the young family with you. See what else they come up with, you can always retract and have them living with you. On the other hand, once they have moved in, it will be more difficult to find them something more appropriate.

purplecorkheart · 19/10/2026 12:51

I think given all you say that you need to say no. I would be very wary of what support social services would offer and what they would do if it would not work out.

Sunlightonapool · 19/10/2026 12:51

What will happen if you don't agree?

OhBotherSaidPoo · 19/10/2026 12:50

Don't believe social services about support. They promise the world and deliver absolutely nothing.

Bigboldfont · 19/10/2026 12:49

Say no. How heartbreaking, the baby has such a high risk of being born very high needs on the autism spectrum with 2 disabled parents and if both are learning disabled, are they capable of looking after a baby safely?

Imisscoffee2021 · 19/10/2026 12:48

It sounds like wouldn't be a liveable situation. What is their living situation now? Does social services see housing as the only barrier to the baby getting proper care from its parents? If you say no what is the outcome for them, would the baby remain with them and they be housed or looking unlikely?

Honestly, can they care for the baby in your opinion? I ask because I have direct experience of children being taken from a colleague, in his case he was an alcoholic and his partner had learning needs to a high enough level she was deemed as vulnerable as the children.

YksiKaksiKolme · 19/10/2026 12:48

I would say no. I won't work well.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 19/10/2026 12:47

If you say no, what will happen? Is there other supported living or will they look to remove the baby into care?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2026 12:47

Where does the girlfriend live now? Why can’t she stay there?