Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Social services will ask you to do this because you are the grandparent. Its not an unreasonable request especially as the only available housing could be a long way away from you or their other support networks

I posted above, so... yes they are young but as a mother to autistic kids myself I know how they behave! And how stubborn they can be. You did nothing wrong here I guess. My advice above stands, in time, you will come to terms with it, do not turn your back on them... now or ever.

boil it down... this is your vulnerable son and his child, your grandchild that is also a vulnerable person...What are you really going to do? realistically putting a partner above all that, could you live peacefully with yourself? Why can your partner not be a nicer person!? Its not going to be forever, just give them a start.

I think as a mother we just need to... you know... get on with doing what is right. They will be older one day and will be housed but teach them as much as you can now, be a mentor to the gf and help teach about being a mother and she may well listen. If not, you can hold your hands up and say you did your absolute best.

Do it in Love. And one day the child will need a bedroom so they will be housed together as a family, surely!

This is my advice, take it how you will.

You have to consider the worse case scenario - even with a much wanted baby and parents who are fully able to meet the needs of a child, the likelihood of 2 teenagers living in a room with a baby who may have additional needs is unlikely to be smooth sailing. If you and your partner truly consider yourself able to cope with any challenges that arise then fair enough but there are times when the needs of a baby are better met through adoption. You can have no idea of the time scale that they will be with you and social services do not have an easy time finding supported living for learning disabled people as it is, never mind a learning disabled couple with children,who don’t understand the importance of contraception and planned families.

If you say yes, they will never leave and you will be housing them forever.

Social Services always ask because it costs money to house adults and they prefer family to deal with it.

Just say no.

This.

Sounds like you may need to find help elsewhere for your mother and care for your son for a while. How would you feel if the baby were adopted out and you never saw them again? Those are the stakes in this situation.

I can't disagree with this and I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult situation @TheOchreEagle

I think you need to be clear you can’t house mum and baby. You work and have caring responsibilities for elderly mum.
It sounds like she’d be best with her mum or in a mum and baby type set up with support.
My neighbour ended up fostering her grandson as the mum of baby couldn’t cope and her son wasn’t fit to be sole carer as he was autistic with high needs.

Sadly social services will dump them on you and run! Seen it, say no, ask for them to help and see what is proposed.

Really? Sounds like they have an immense number of challenges, none of which suggest they are equipped to be the ‘best of parents’. Let’s get real here.

OP, I feel for you and nobody would judge you for saying no.

Absolutely no way would I agree to that.

OP it’s your decision to make. Your DP shouldn’t be giving you ultimatums. Blood is thicker than water and being there for your DS and DGC whether they move in or not, beats any other relationship imho.

They will need a huge amount of support and supervision OP, and it's not fair to commit to that if you're already caring for your DM. It's perfectly OK to say No, that doesn't work for us and mean it.

However it's a huge fail that they're going through this and someone dropped the ball of making sure they were using contraception. Is the GF getting support or does she also live at home?

Two learning disabled parents that have social services involvement does not suggest they will be ‘the best of parents’. So while people with disabilities can make great parents, it’s unlikely in this case without a great deal of support.

Yep.
They'll promise you the earth and deliver zero support.
You'll end up having a nervous breakdown and your relationship with your boyfriend will end.

If social services are involved then it is reasonable to assume that both parents are not able to do this without support.

OP if you do this you should assume:

1. Next to zero support from social services. In their eyes if they are living with you, then YOU are the support and their work is done.

2. This baby will likely need your involvement on a practical level daily and this won't be short term.

3. The baby could also have additional needs and you will be in a position of now having to support and manage two adults and a baby with disabilities. That's a lot for anyone to take on.

4. There will be a financial impact for you and your partner.

5. There is the chance that you may have to become a full time guardian to this baby.

At most I would advise your son continues to live with you and you support him to be a father when the baby visits or is in his care.

Well the father at least is 19, doesn’t have housing beyond a childhood bedroom, presumably doesn’t have a job. The situation is clearly bad enough for social services to get involved before the baby is even here. I would say that’s quite a lot of factors to suggest these parents are going to need a lot more help than most!

It’s entirely sensible and reasonable for Social Services to ask.

It’s entirely sensible and reasonable for you to say no.

This. Support will be 0 and once they're in, getting them out again will be very difficult.

Say no now and save you all the tears.

No, I'm afraid I wouldn't do that. I'd sooner just have the baby, but obviously that's not a good idea, either. I don't think that's a suitable place for any of them to live, all cramped in one room. It's too much to expect you to take on.

Where do they expect them to live the rest of the week?

I agree with PPs - social services are trying to rid themselves of this issue.

Has the baby been born yet, are there other options, where does she live now?
Why do social services feel they need to live with you and what happens if you say no?
Is your partner your sons dad, if not then I’d support my son and grandchild above him, but what do you want to do, would you be worried yourself of the idea of your son and girlfriend being able to care for your grandchild.

Sadly, in my experience, social services will always seek to defer care to family if they can. It saves money and resource but places an incredibly high burden on the family. If it were me, I’d say no and push for them to live in supported housing, assuming they can safely care for a baby? There is a risk of course they might say the baby has to be taken into care but the alternative is that you provide the care (while also working and caring for your mum) and at the risk of your relationship breaking down. It’s a near impossible situation but if you accept this responsibility, it will be extremely difficult to unpick.

SS have to put huge pressure on family to house in these situations.

You have to be really firm. I actually hung up the phone on one social worker who wouldn’t take no for an answer.