Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Yes, I’d take them in. Whatever has happened, it isn’t the baby’s fault and your grandchild will need support.

I think the fact they can’t house a baby on their own suggests they might not be the best of parents.

You’re fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t.

I would say no.

Well yes, that's what I'm saying. But many people would rather their grandchildren not be adopted, so they step in. Where I disagree with pp is the argument that the state should step in indefinitely to safeguard against unsafe parents. That type of support doesn't exist and it really couldn't exist. The cost to the public purse would be insane.

Don’t feel guilty when you say no!
It’s a massive undertaking and son and gf need to sort their lives out with support from agencies.

Or the couple split up.

Ethically you may be right to an extent but we don't have that kind of social services system and we don't have the budget for the kind of supported living situation you're proposing. So for many/most parents who can't meet their children's needs for whatever reason, it's family support or it's foster care/adoption.

Equally why should it be the responsibility of the nearest relatives to be expected to provide this level of support ? If these two individuals can’t take care of the baby without 24/7 supervision then the obvious answer is for the state to intervene and if there are no suitable alternatives, to put the child up for adoption. Legally they are the responsibility of the state.

The law says it is the responsibility of the state.

Personally I believe society does have a responsibility to support and protect the vulnerable (both adult and children). Being disabled is the one minority group any of us could join at any moment.

What happens when / if the mother has enough and says they can't come back?

Social services need to help them find a better solution.

Social services do not exist to prop up inadequate parenting for the long term. If these two teenagers can't safely care for this baby then social services will intervene and likely take them into care

What a strange attitude. They will expect her to support them to parent her grandchild. And why not? Who else should be doing that? The state, for the next 18 years!?

Was social services involved with you pre-birth and when you were a baby? Did your mother live with her mother when you were a baby?

If you and the girl friend's mother both refuse to agree could you press for a place in a supported living situation for them both?
I've no idea if this is possible but I imagine that if you and the girl's mother agree to a situation which seems unliveable long term, you and she will be left to pick up the pieces. I'm afraid that with resources very limited, whether it's the elderly, children and care support or situations like those, social services seem to always push first for families to take the strain whether the living conditions are viable or not.
I think I would be refusing, trying to get the other mother on side with you and trying for some other supported living/semi independent solution for them
That way you can give whatever support you feel able to without them living in your house.

Dear god, that is never going to work, and would do more harm than good. How unsettling and disruptive for everyone. As is said here from time to time, you can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm, and I think that’s especially true here. The proposal has disaster written all over it, and I just don’t see how it could benefit anyone except SS.

To echo what others have said, you’ve got to state your position clearly and unambiguously. You cannot help with accommodation at all. SS exists for situations such as this, and it strikes me the only way to get them to deal with this one is to refuse the request.

Nope. Terrible idea. It won’t be for ‘a while’. It will be for the forseeable future and there will be no support from social services once OP agrees - they will 100% expect her to set herself on fire to keep her son and his girlfriend warm.

Where are they going for the other 3/4 days of the week? & why can’t they stay there full time?

You should say no. This will not be any good for your mental health, you will be supporting 2 special needs adults & a tot. Plus you said something about a parent.

Don’t feel bad/guilty about saying No.

I have had dealings with S.S they aren’t much help once you agree that you will help.

The attitude on this thread is astounding. Who's issue is it that two disabled teenagers have decided to have a baby they can't raise without support? Why should it be the responsibility of the state to keep this baby with its parents rather than the responsibility of the nearest relatives?

And the solution may be foster care and adoption. Why shouldn't the grandparents step in to prevent this? Why should it be the state who is expected to safeguard and shore up parenting for a child's entire childhood?

Say no. Social services will take the easiest option first and may bring pressure to bear for you to provide this help. It’s unworkable and you need to stick to your guns. If you agree to this support will be minimal if not zero and it will likely be the end of your relationship.

Parent and child placements are for assessment and should be time limited to 12-16 weeks. Two parents with SEN would quite likely fail such an assessment. Unless there is an exit plan for them to safely care for the child with minimal support a parent and baby placement is pointless.

Two learning disabled parents will give any child of theirs very little advantage.

I second that, as much as SS don’t mind putting their noses in go things, they are often quite happy passing all responsibility back to the other person.

You say to have them "half the week; where will mother and baby be for the other half? Is the plan for your son to be with them?

Bit even if social.services arrange support for them, I suspect that the house will suddenly no longer be "your own" as far as social services are cocerned