Social services asking me to have son and girlfriend and baby living with me

Ok I’ll be Cruella; I assume abortion is not being considered and is now too late?

What about when the next pregnancy happens? Has a long term contraceptive plan been made? I presume you do t get any say as to whether this should happen, you’re just expected to pick up the pieces?

What sort of monitoring do you think needs to happen? What do you think the risks are?

Before anyone assumes I am completely ruthless, yes in the unlikely event of my son appearing with his pregnant girlfriend and no visible means of support, I would take them in in a heartbeat and my partner would have to put up with it (same for his son). My question n this case is what will happen if you say no. I think the only way to find out is to do so, and step back in if the plan looks dangerous.

Yes I do work in children's social work and I am embedded in the reality of service provision even if theoretically something should exist.

It really seems to me that you have enough responsibilities already. If you allowed this you would be spreading yourself too thinly.

The cynic within me says the child will end up in care fairly soon and that would be no bad thing, adoption is a good option.

Oh please.
They can’t do it themselves. The chances are that the baby will be autistic with L/D.
They are 19. This was planned.
What happens if they want 10 babies?
They can’t look after a baby themselves and l suspect the6 can’t look after themselves without any support either.
This isn’t @TheOchreEagle baby. I would say no to SS as they won’t give you any support - and what happens when they have another baby living on your house? And then another?
My heart goes out to you -it’s an awful situation you find yourself in.
.

I am struggling to understand some of your points @SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes . Do you work in Childrens Services?
You have stated quite a few things that are untrue but I'm assuming with good intention?
By the way, SS absolutely work with housing schemes up and down the country to find homes/placements for vulnerable adults. Even ones with children.

I've just googled - it's a very niche provision in a small number of areas but it does exist. It's not something most people would be able to access.

@SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes I do get what you're saying about service availability but another factor is that (from the OP) it seems this pregnancy was intentional not accidental. You're in Childrens Services, you know the likelihood of baby 2 arriving in short order, whatever happens.

I don't know what the answer is but this plan to live between 2 homes where the grandparents are not fully signed up is not a sound one.

Really? The whole situation is a mess.

This is called Shared Lives and is another possibility 😊

Getting them on the housing register is no solution to anything. They won't actually get housed, since they are both already housed! And social services have nothing to do with council housing just FYI

Shared lives type care? For parents with LDs and their children? No I'm afraid I have never come across anything like that in all my career. If that exists in your area then you are extremely fortunate.

There is no advice per se, apart from saying no and they need to find alternative housing. Id get them on your local authorities housing register. If you say yes SS wont do a thing. They need to be pushed and that is the reality im afraid.

Adults with a baby living with an unrelated adult who is paid to provide accommodation support and guidance.

It has been in place for many years here. Sorry if I have misunderstood what you meant.

I should imagine both grandparents have been asked because there not only the parents but they have also raised SEN children themselves and know about their children's sen.
If this was my son and his girlfriend (both autistic) I would like to think that we would at least give them a chance, given all the parents have already bought up children with autism. Autism is a also spectrum and we don't know how far her son is on the spectrum.
The other thing is, if the child does have autism how it will feel growing away from its birth family and potentially people that understand what growing up with autism is like. My son has a lot of close connections who also have autism, he says they all understand each other - unlike me who is still learning.

That type of supported accommodation exists for adults who need it but not to support them to parent a baby.

That's really not the reason they are suggesting this. They will want to keep the baby within its family of origin. Because that's best for the child, not because it's cheaper. There is no magic solution that social services will provide - it's quite likely stay with family or be adopted.

That makes no odds these days. SS don't want to have to do anything at all, so of course they push the problem on to family. Same as they do with an elderly person when they need them out of hospital. Always try to push the care onto family. Thats the memo.
It could be that they can manage in a house or flat with a visit a day by a support worker. They may just need some short term enablement care, where they would be helped with learning how to cook, follow routines etc.
They can attend classes, support groups with peers. There is so much out there. SS just often don't want to deal with it, especially when there's two sets of Grandparents they can bully.

The best chance this family, this child has, is to get everything in place now before it gets too much for everyone and falls apart. Which then ends up costing more anyway.

Are they both diagnosed with a learning disability OP?

If so that would mean they both have IQs of 70 and below with significant limitations in independent coping, daily living skills, and social functioning across everyday environments (such as communication, self-care, and home/practical living) and certainly would not be able to deal with the fundamentals of raising a child without live in support I would assume.

I would suggest to SS that the only practical solution is that they need a supported living type set up with room for a live in support worker.

My DS has autism and a LD and was offered a long term tenancy in a 4 bed roomed house with 2 other young people with similar profiles. Support workers there in the day and one overnight. He didn't take it as wasn't ready at the time but I don't see why that can't be offered in this type of setup. If both the soon to be parents have a LD they'd be eligible for it as singles.

SS are suggesting it because it is cheapest and means SS don't have to provide anything.

And if they do get their own place social services will be involved.
Are you aware of how stretched these services are.
Adoption is the best option for all. Especially the child.

To what end though? Where are they going to move to realistically at the end of the assessment period?

I think they do need assessing, away from an environment where there will be others around to take over when they find things tough.I don't think the 'plan' for moving between homes and the onus on the respective mothers to make it 'work' is the solution either. The stress of constantly moving between childhood bedrooms and the inevitable tensions there will be isn't actually going to help them to succeed either.

ETA I don't think there is going to be an ideal outcome but they should be given a chance and the proposal is setting them up to fail

Do not do this, unless you want to end up being a carer for the baby, and possibly them, as well as your mother. The word here is No, op. You have a partner, you are already caring for your mother. Of course SS want you to take them, it’s easier for them. Don’t do it. Are this couple capable of looking after a child? They may be, I’m not assuming otherwise, but it’s a question that presumably SS are asking and considering. They need housing and support and this is not your responsibility when you already have enough on your plate.

Fairly sure the reason OP and the other grandmother have been asked to do this is because the young parents won't be safe enough to parent on their own without support and supervision so why would the council be looking to house them? Both of them are currently housed so they wouldn't come under homeless duty and social services aren't likely to support them living alone with the baby are they?

These two adults have potential ruined one life: the child.
if the OP takes on this life changing task it will ruin her life and her relationship with her partner.
The best option for all is for the child to be adopted.