Nothing for my 60th.

I’m sorry you had such a disappointing day but I think other posters have made the point, maybe expectations in your household are low. Also I can imagine DD has other things on her mind. Did she actually realise it was your 60th - adult children don’t always think about how old you are?

I don’t have a DH to disappoint me 😄 so I have to organise birthday things myself. I have some good friends who ensure it’s not overlooked, I’d actually like a bit less fuss these days.

Come up with a list of some different things/experiences/places you’d like to do. Doesn’t have to be fancy - stately home visit, coffee with a friend somewhere you wouldn’t normally go, cinema trip, shopping day in a different town - and do one a month for your 60th year. In my friendship group birthdays ending in 0 are celebrated throughout the year.

I'd be really upset if my DH and DC didn't want to make a fuss of me on any birthday. I think you need to set up expectations ahead of your special day. In our house if anyone has a birthday the birthday person chooses the restaurant and we all go for a nice meal. A birthday cake is bought. Cards and gifts are purchased by each person for birthday person and birthday person is waited on all day long. I'd expect a couple of bouquets of flowers, breakfast out with DH. Coffee out with DC who lives close to me at around lunch time. Cards arriving in post or had already arrived and DH had put them away for me. DC and foster DC had little gifts for me. This year foster teens bought me a nice key ring and shower gel. I have a large extended family so got 17 cards this year. They all go up on inglenook mantle for about 10 days. Then evening meal out on my favourite restaurant with DH, youngest D's who lives close by and foster DC. My 2 eldest DC and DGC video call me. DH always gets me a nice gift. He generally asks what if like but occasionally he has just bought me jewellery he knows I'll like diamond earring studs or similar. You need to tell them what you'd like to happen.

That is awful. I would treat myself to something I really wanted to do.. If I'd got a friend who might like to join me I would ask them along, if not I would do it by myself. Moving fwd i would stop making an effort with their birthdays.

@WillieBanjo you come across as genuine and thoughtful I agree it's not hard as I do same for dw (her ex done nothing +a lot more).
It pisses me off no end how badly women get treated when a lot do every mortal things for family,spouses etc

Did you buy him a gift for his 60th? @Thevegetarianchef

Why didn’t you book a lunch or dinner out with someone other than your DD or book a show etc? What did you think was going to happen on your birthday? Would have a couple of more cards, a candle and some toiletries have made it much better? Isn’t there anything you would have liked to do on the day?

I wouldn’t be bothered about presents but couldn’t imagine not arranging something lovely to do on the day or very close to my birthday.

I think it's worse as others I know did lots on their 60th

They presumably did 'lots' as they arranged to do 'lots'.

I did, too, because having those big birthdays s a nudge to remind me to get in touch with people I love spending time with but sometimes leave it too long to get in touch.
So I arranged a lunch for 3 school friends I'm still in touch with
I arranged a big daytime meet up / picnic with all my nieces, nephews, great n&n, dc, siblings, in-laws (and a couple of friends came)
I arranged to go for an afternoon tea with a good friend of many years
I arranged a lunch with some ex-colleagues
I asked to go out for a special meal with dh and the (adult) dc
I went for a pub meal with dh's family

I had a lovely few weeks.
I had a lovely few weeks because I messaged people and said 'Do you fancy doing....', and I said to my dh 'Shall we go to.....', and I set up a WhatsApp Group to say 'Anyone fancy a day out to .....'

Whereas you seem to have not done big celebrations historically, and are now being sad because no-one realised you'd have liked to have done something, as you didn't tell them.

Why don't you talk to people about what you fancy doing ?

I agree with this.

Honestly Op don’t let this go. Send a message to your dh and both dc. “Just to let you know i am really hurt by your lack of care and consideration on my birthday recently”.

So Happy 60th Birthday @Thevegetarianchef!!x

I had my 50th recently, no partner but I went for a Turkish meal with my closest friends to celebrate. Then went to a Michelin starred restaurant with my sister for a 9 or 10 course ‘tasting menu’ - something I wouldn’t normally do, & it was amazing!

My Dad bought me a gold belcher chain, & my sister bought me gold hoops. My friends also got me nice presents.

My sister paid for us to go Alpaca walking which was a fun experience!
We then did 4 day trips out to explore various places I wouldn’t go to, shop & lunch - such as Glastonbury; as I don’t drive I usually only travel fairly local.

I did want to do a city break but I’ve got some health issues so need to sort them out first.

Sorry to hear that other people close to you didn’t bother for your big birthday- you do need to spoil yourself now.

@MermaidMummy06 I grew up with my dad doing nothing for mums birthday and xmas . From about 12 I did my best to make sure she had something nice. He’s never changed and he throughly disappoints me.

I’ve called him out on it as an adult many. times and his excuses are as pathetic . Obviously not trying to to be man of ther year here but made sure my DW is always celebrated and have involved my two boys in it since small. If they turned out like my dad iI would be very sad. My mum always comments positively on what I’ve done but I can see the disappointment that it’s something she never had which is just shit isn’t it.

for you 50th I’d push the boat out spend what you should of got all these years and don’t take DH. If he’s anything like my dad he’ll have his bottom lip out that your going without him having never organised anything for them or her ever.

Hope you have a wonderful 50th x

I’m sorry it was such a disappointment OP.
I will be 60 next year and after a crap 40th and 50th I am currently considering what to do for next year.
I am without husband now so it’s all up to me to create my own disappointment rather than someone else do it for me 😁

Safari holiday

Birthday celebrations organised by other people are only a thing for Under 16s in my house. By 18 even the kids are organising their own nights out to celebrate although of course we do a little cake at home. By 20s you sort your own cake!

I like to book a more expensive holiday for my birthdays.

This
I either get my own ( same at Xmas ) or send links of what I want to husband and sons . I have to spell out what I want in words of 1 syllable and repeat ! It used to bother me but I'm past that now . My mum always bought me an inexpensive surprise( and an Easter egg at Easter) I miss that

What would you have liked ?
What do you normally do for all your birthdays ?
It sounds to me like you have brought your dc up in a way that has told them you don't like a fuss for your birthday, and that your dh has that impression too.

For big birthdays in our house, it gets raised months in advance - I mean, it's not a surprise it is approaching, is it?
I say things like "I'm going to arrange a party for my birthday this time"
DH says "I don't want a party, but lets go away somewhere a bit special" or "I'd like a meal with extended family".

I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who can't speak to their nearest and dearest about how they'd like to celebrate their birthday, but then moan when those close to them do what they have done every other year, and kept it low key.

Hugs op. I’ve learned to talk about birthdays for days in advance and hint strongly, leave notes etc.

My 40th DH said 'so what are you going to buy yourself?'. He got a huge party etc. it really hurt as he organised a professional cake for my DF as part of the hobby groups the we're in 'these milestones need to be celebrated'.

He knows he stuffed up, and it's my 50th next month. He keeps saying we can't let that happen again and I have to decide what I want/want to do. Means nothing will happen. He's too busy... Got distracted.... I didn't tell him what I want. He's too busy looking after everyone else to worry about me. Including his wealthy sisters financial plan. His hobby group etc. I'm looking at solo weekends away just for a break.

Thats a bit rubbish. It sounds like birthdays aren’t a big thing in your family though if you made him a cake and went to a local place of interest- whatever that means. What were you hoping for though?

Does your dh think that as there was no big fuss for his (due to Covid) that that’s what you should have? Tbh I tell dh what I want for my birthday and he sorts it.
if my dh big birthday was a bit shit cos of Covid then personally I’d have had a discussion with him and organised something between us for both of us and made a bit of a fuss. Like a house party if funds were low or a weekend away.

Very little fuss on mine either although they did message and I got a couple of cards, colleagues made more of a fuss.

Admittedly we were so poor when family were younger that birthdays had to be low key so I guess couldn't expect much. I wasn't upset at all, but I've since treated myself to things attached to my hobby, without guilt or considering anyone else's opinion.
Ive never had a birthday party in my life.

I have reminded my kids when it’s my birthday so they’ve learnt not to forget 😁There’s no excuse for your nearest and dearest to be that thoughtless and lazy. I would tell them how disappointed and hurt you are.

Sorry op utterly shit behaviour on their part.

Honestly I’d go away for a night or weekend somewhere you have always wanted to go and do and eat all the things you have wanted to without a compromise in the last 30 yrs.

Happy birthday xxx

Love random man on the internet x