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MIL only capable of inane babble

63 replies

anotheranotheramother · Yesterday 23:27

In the universe of PIL problems, this one probably isn’t that bad. But now that we’ve moved closer to PIL, it’s becoming more and more apparent, and infuriating.

MIL is a dream if you’re talking to her to her for 5 minutes. She is friendly, polite, and enthusiastic. The problem is that this seems to be her only gear - I’ve never had a conversation of any substance with her (or overheard her having one with anyone else). Everything is “lovely” and “wonderful” and “great” and “wow isn’t this fantastic” and “aren’t you lucky” and “you’re doing such a fab job” - none of which sounds bad on the face of it. But when you’ve been trying to make conversation with her over several hours, trust me, it gets old VERY quickly. Say anything mildly negative and she’ll either ignore or try to put a mind-numbingly optimistic spin on it.

It’s some weird mix of toxic positivity, English politeness, and lobotomy patient.

I’m not expecting in-depth discourse on Nietzsche but it’s not even small talk; it’s just constant inane babble. She also feels the need to fill every silence and just keeps going and going and going.

infuriatingly she also interrupts me constantly and tries to finish my sentences, and she is always - always - completely wrong in predicting what I am about to say. You’d think someone so “polite” would at least be a good listener, but no.

It’s also incredibly frustrating when we need to discuss something even moderately important and she feels the need to interrupt and weigh in, but it’s rarely with anything that actually contributes to the conversation.

DH just thinks his mummy is lovely and trying hard and being friendly, which I guess she is, and I know it’s not coming from a bad place. But I’m starting to get visibly annoyed and snappy with her because of the sheer amount of drivel I’ve been exposed to lately.

Before she stopped drinking due to health issues she’d at least come out with an opinion every now and then once she’d had a drink or two, but it seems like this was the only thing that could magic it out of her. In a way I feel quite bad for her as she’s clearly been made to feel that this is the only acceptable way to communicate.

I feel like I’ve tried everything - asking her questions about herself and her life, talking about her interests, talking about myself and my interests to feel out any mutual ground, bringing up current or local events, but nothing seems to have much mileage in it.

Anyone else!?

OP posts:
Cherrycoko · Yesterday 23:57

She sounds infuriating. Ignore the people on here who sat you're being mean. People on here take delight in being doormats and shaming anyone who doesn't want to do that. That said, I don't think there's anything you can do except limit how much time you spend with her.

anotheranotheramother · Yesterday 23:56

@Goodmorningeveryone26 yes, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, it’s having to spend the better part of a Saturday with her but not actually feeling like we’re connecting in any meaningful way. I know some people find silences awkward but this feels like much harder work! Especially as DH and I have had some not-so-great things in our lives lately, it’s more than just boredom, it’s actually quite invalidating at times. Again, don’t necessarily need a post mortem or heady discussion on everything that’s going wrong in our lives but I also don’t want to hear how great she thinks the new curtains are for the 10 millionth time.

Agree that the manufacture happiness is very likely not coming from a particularly happy place for her, though.

@Pallisers I did consider this, but yes, she’s always been this way and is not that old; she is also quite sharp in terms of memory and other cognitive functions so I don’t think it’s a symptom of anything of this sort.

Ironically my husband thinks she’s great socially - which she certainly is at parties where you circulate and speak to each person for a few minutes. She’s got that down to an art… interesting someone mentioned ND; my own mother is ND but she can’t do the happy fluffy stuff and errs too far in the other direction of being too direct at times. I may not have considered that it could manifest in this way too?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · Yesterday 23:55

She’s probably nervous in your company. Give it time. And don’t be snappy.

Tourmalines · Yesterday 23:55

Well, you just keep up your snappiness with her and hopefully she won’t wanna see you any more, so you will be doing her a favour.

SarahAndQuack · Yesterday 23:51

As problems go, this is so minor, surely?

She's trying to be nice.

Maybe she isn't very intelligent or very confident? It doesn't sound as if any of this is her fault.

If you find it hard discussing important things with her, then ... um, don't?!

tiredtiredd · Yesterday 23:50

You do sound mean and stuck up op

cavvum · Yesterday 23:45

Pallisers · Yesterday 23:39

How on earth would you think the OP's post sounds like inane babble?

I presume she has always been like this, OP, and isn't particularly old. Dh's grandmother - educated, charming, wonderful conversationalist - became a bit like this when much older - she was becoming very deaf so relied on saying pleasant things like 'well that sounds lovely" or whatever.

You'll just have to accept her for who she is and limit the length of time you spend actually talking to her - maybe do things with her instead or maybe your dh can do the conversing. Nothing you can do will turn her into Nora Ephron

Is Nora Ephron a great conversationalist or something?

OP you're being mean, and its childish that you've started allowing yourself to show your annoyance to her

Pallisers · Yesterday 23:39

How on earth would you think the OP's post sounds like inane babble?

I presume she has always been like this, OP, and isn't particularly old. Dh's grandmother - educated, charming, wonderful conversationalist - became a bit like this when much older - she was becoming very deaf so relied on saying pleasant things like 'well that sounds lovely" or whatever.

You'll just have to accept her for who she is and limit the length of time you spend actually talking to her - maybe do things with her instead or maybe your dh can do the conversing. Nothing you can do will turn her into Nora Ephron

GooseCreekandtheRiver · Yesterday 23:35

It could be that she doesn’t like you (sorry) so doesn’t want to connect on a deeper level. Or could be that she fundamentally disagrees with some of your opinions but doesn’t want to argue.

Goodmorningeveryone26 · Yesterday 23:34

It does sound frustrating OP. I’d find it hard to be around someone for an extended time when I felt like I wasn’t actually connecting with that person at all, which is what it sounds like from your post . I would find the lack of connection initially confusing and then kind of frustrsting. It might feel like Groundhog Day: every time you meet it’s surface level small talk as if you’d just met. Not sure what the answer is. Probably to think kindly about what have prompted her to be like this

Wetblanket78 · Yesterday 23:32

She sounds like she is undiagnosed neuro diverse. Especially when you say she interrupts.

Mumtotornadoes · Yesterday 23:31

🤷 not everyone can be our favourite people to spend time with. It's not maliciousness or anything. She's just boring to talk to, sounds like poor social skills or lack of interest.

Muntoru · Yesterday 23:30

Not to sound mean, but your post itself reads a bit like inane babble.
Why is it such a big deal if you think she’s not a great conversationalist? I don’t really get it…

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