I'm male, 40+ and still a virgin technically speaking, so done sexual stuff but NEVER had full vaginal intercourse because of my faith and convictions.
I've been with a woman for the past 2 years and we are planning to get married early next year. She had a phase in her past where she had substantial sexual experience and as a result contracted HSV2. For quite a few years now she has been celibate, so we haven't had any sexual contact at all.
When she first told me that she had HSV2 I was devastated as she seemed to be the ideal woman that I wanted to be with. For a long time, I felt ok about it but now as marriage approaches, it's no surprise I feel conflicted and if I'm honest I'm struggling to come to terms with it again.
And it's not that I'll have to worry about disclosing it to others if I did get it, which is where most of the stigma and struggle with this whole issue comes from I think. If you're only with that one person forever then what's the best deal? Afterall, marriage is for life or should be at least. I think in my case, what the real issue is, is facing up to the reality that the first person I ever have intercourse with has a lifelong STD. That feels messed up. That sense of unfairness and this situation almost feeling cruel isn't lost on me. How on earth do I go from saving myself for marriage for a lifetime, to now ending up with someone who not only didn't do that by a long shot but also has a permanent reminder to that fact? And what's more is that I could still get it of course. That may always be on my mind if we have unprotected sex which obviously we'll want to do if we plan for children.
Perhaps I'm overthinking it, as afterall this is a mostly harmless medical issue for most, and once we have regular sex then maybe this won't be such an issue. I have no idea. Physically, it may have zero impact on me if I do get it and the chances are low that I do anyway. I know this. Sure.
I know others who've been with partners who had it and infact my previous partner years ago who I was with had it too! So I realise how common this can be.
I could walk away and that would free from all of this and continue my search. But then in time to come, will I look back with regret thinking, I let her go because she had a minor skin condition? At this age, it is already difficult to meet someone who you really find attractive and connect with.