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Husband not happy with me working from home undertaking calls.

280 replies

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:42

Hi all so my job role involves some court hearing. When I work from home and need to attend a hearing I usually do into the kitchen as there is a plain background rather then in the rest of the house with signs of family life behind. Now this morning I said to my husband I’ve got a hearing, not sure how long so avoid the kitchen while door is closed. About an hour into it just as I am speaking he comes into the room. He can hear me talking. If that was me I would think ok I’ll hang on a minute until she finishes. Instead he come in and starts making a drink! I’m indicating to him to leave the room. 10 minutes later there is a short break. I call to him to say come and make your drink I’ve got a 10 minutes break. I said to him he could see j was talking he could have just waited a short time. He says it’s his home and kitchen he should be able to make a drink when he wants. I can go somewhere else in the house and I shouldn’t be working at home performing sanatic rituals! And that I’m being horrible. I don’t even work from home. Yes my contract isn’t home based but it is easier at times, saves travel etc.

am I being unreasonable? Or is he? It’s only an hour or so. Yes I could could to an office at work but it means booking a room which isn’t available. He also works from home upstairs in the spare room, I never go in the room when he is working let alone if he was on an important call.

OP posts:
TinyCottageGirl · 24/09/2026 15:29

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 14:55

It’s less about the background than the lack of respect about allowing me to have the time. I would do so if it was the other way around. I never even go into the bedroom if he has the door shut let alone when he is on a work call in his office.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all, we have an office set up in a spare bedroom but often one of us will use the dining room for teams calls.
It's about respect and the principle, I would never just walk in when my husband was on a teams call, especially not when I would be in the camera view!
Especially as you haven't been well, he could've easily waited one hour to make a drink or something to eat.
Why not suggest next time you can use his office instead if it's such a problem.

FluffMagnet · 24/09/2026 15:28

He sounds truly unpleasant OP. My sympathies. He could easily stock up on drinks prior to your hearing starting. He should be offering you his office when you have hearings. If he doesn't make a point of entering his office whilst he is on a call. Afterall, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, and I am sure you have very important documents in that room you need to access as a matter of urgency ...

dentalflosser · 24/09/2026 15:27

I get this as I’ve been there. During Covid our office was closed and the team I work within were all then home based. My DH was furloughed and at home all day. I tried working in the dining room but he didn’t want me in there. I didn’t go in the living room or kitchen as the work I do is directly with service users and we need confidentiality.
So I tried using our bedroom, he didn’t need to use the bedroom and then would just barge in at all times for no reason. Once it was to put a hoodie on the bed and he NEVER tidies up, it is always me going round putting stuff away. I was in the middle of a Teams meeting then.
Finally cleared a space in a boxroom for my IT equipment and moved in there. He would still barge in and he could clearly hear I was on a call. Once he decided to come in holding a cup of tea whilst having a very loud conversation on his phone with a friend. I was on a Safeguarding call at the time and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he has made me a cup of tea.
Finally I got a lock put on the box room door so he can’t get in. He now resorts to having very loud conversations outside the door of the room. I think it is attention seeking behaviour.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/09/2026 15:26

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:59

Because he is the main earner and makes that known.

He's deliberately sabotaging your job/career. He's likely also punishing you for daring to WFH...as he prefers having the house to himself all day every day.

Anyone who thinks you are unreasonable couldn't possibly have read OP's comments. She only uses the kitchen for this for one hour per month! It would be completely different if she was commandeering the kitchen for 40hours per week to work.

Your DH sounds like an utter arse OP, I can only assume there are many other issues in this marriage?

He clearly has no respect for you.

Foolish1984 · 24/09/2026 15:26

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:48

One a month if that for an hour or so.
He’s got a thing about the courts being linked to stone masons etc.

And I bet he had a smirk on his face when he walked in…….

Foolish1984 · 24/09/2026 15:23

Jesus you could’ve been in bother with the bloody Judge for that! Wow

bluebeck · 24/09/2026 15:19

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 14:55

It’s less about the background than the lack of respect about allowing me to have the time. I would do so if it was the other way around. I never even go into the bedroom if he has the door shut let alone when he is on a work call in his office.

So why are you in the kitchen then?

purplecorkheart · 24/09/2026 15:18

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:48

One a month if that for an hour or so.
He’s got a thing about the courts being linked to stone masons etc.

I think him coming into the kitchen is the least of your worries. He sounds like a nightmare.

Kackacc · 24/09/2026 15:18

Once a month for one hour yanbu to bar access if you genuinely don't block off the space at other times. Although equally it seems more appropriate to work from your office for such a confidential call.

Wfh in communal spaces is intrusive though when it's a regular occurrence

nietzscheanvibe · 24/09/2026 15:16

Your husband is an egotistical prick who suffers from main character syndrome.

Wadsworthy · 24/09/2026 15:15

Just set a background filter or blur your background.

(I suspect this answer will be like "Cancel the cheque")

Fiftyandnotsonifty · 24/09/2026 15:15

ChocolateCinderToffee · 24/09/2026 15:00

So he’s an arsehole who expects the best because he earns more than you and he’s trying to sabotage your work too. Why are you with this charmer?

Agree I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg

AlonsoMosley · 24/09/2026 15:12

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 14:55

It’s less about the background than the lack of respect about allowing me to have the time. I would do so if it was the other way around. I never even go into the bedroom if he has the door shut let alone when he is on a work call in his office.

I think that is your main problem here OP.

I mean, he is a grown up and can surely not use the kitchen for an hour or so once a month. His behavior is quite aggressive in my opinion.

Aggressive because he is deliberately disrupting you in your professional setting. Again, if it is an hour or so from time to time, basic relationship generoisty should facilitate this.

You could be petty and walk into his office to "look for something" when he is on a call. It does seem petty but sometimes, some people can only lear that way.

AmnesiacsDream · 24/09/2026 15:11

Using the kitchen isn't ideal but it's not the problem here - your DH's actions are worrying. At best they indicate a lack of respect for you, at worst they are controlling and a calculated attempt to hinder your work prospects and keep you in your place.

How is the rest of your relationship?

UndecidedOtter · 24/09/2026 15:11

Literally any other room in the house other than the kitchen (or bathroom!) would be good. Let your DH know you will be in whichever room and not to come in until you are done. If he does, then you know he is being deliberately dickish.

ThisWiseRobin · 24/09/2026 15:07

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:48

One a month if that for an hour or so.
He’s got a thing about the courts being linked to stone masons etc.

Do you mean the Masons? Not satanic, just a mutual back scratching society that's been around about 1000 years.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 24/09/2026 15:00

So he’s an arsehole who expects the best because he earns more than you and he’s trying to sabotage your work too. Why are you with this charmer?

Onefairfish · 24/09/2026 14:56

Satanic stone masons? Your DH needs help. You need a room of your own!

Anyahyacinth · 24/09/2026 14:56

Thesummer · 24/09/2026 14:51

Just go in another room? You have a four storey town house! Lounge, another bedroom etc. Get a small table and set it up somewhere against a plain background if you really can't use filters or blur the background.

He's sounds like a dick in other ways but I do think it's unreasonable to not allow anyone in the kitchen during work calls especially when you don't know how long the call takes - how was he supposed to know you had a break in 10mins, for all he knew your call was 2-3 hours long. If he'd come in 5 mins before the end of a known 1 hour call I'd call that unreasonable.

Calm
OP says he does this when she works from other rooms

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 14:55

SallyAny · 24/09/2026 14:52

CVP does allow blurred/blank backgrounds…. I use them on a regular basis

It’s less about the background than the lack of respect about allowing me to have the time. I would do so if it was the other way around. I never even go into the bedroom if he has the door shut let alone when he is on a work call in his office.

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 24/09/2026 14:55

He sounds vile. Once a month for an hour and sabotages other meetings too in other areas of the house. Is he insecure about the work you do? Feeling inadequate?

It's awful behaviour, sorry OP

SallyAny · 24/09/2026 14:52

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:46

The court video platform doesn’t allow filters. I work in the kitchen as it is a plain background and no one can walk behind me. I have been in meetings before where he has been known to walk behind me where my usual desk is. If I go in another room whenever I sit at the table by back will be facing the door so he is liable to walk in. I really don’t know what to do.

Edited

CVP does allow blurred/blank backgrounds…. I use them on a regular basis

Thesummer · 24/09/2026 14:51

Just go in another room? You have a four storey town house! Lounge, another bedroom etc. Get a small table and set it up somewhere against a plain background if you really can't use filters or blur the background.

He's sounds like a dick in other ways but I do think it's unreasonable to not allow anyone in the kitchen during work calls especially when you don't know how long the call takes - how was he supposed to know you had a break in 10mins, for all he knew your call was 2-3 hours long. If he'd come in 5 mins before the end of a known 1 hour call I'd call that unreasonable.

Boeufsurletoit · 24/09/2026 14:50

rjfiih · 24/09/2026 13:32

If it's a four storey house there must be somewhere else you can work.
I don't think you should be taking confidential calls relating to court in a communal room in the house and I don't think he should be barred from using the kitchen.
That said, he sounds like a bit of an asshole (would it have killed him to not use the kitchen for an hour?) and he's batshit talking about "satanic rituals".

Because of the confidential nature of these calls you should use another room (and install a bolt or hook on the inside of the door so he can't enter) or you should book a room at work and if it's an issue that rooms aren't available you need to discuss that with your manager.

You're suggesting installing a bolt on the door to physically exclude him for 1 hour a month? Rather than him being dependable enough to not disturb when requested, or back out quickly if he realises he has? I think if you can't get an hour's privacy from your partner by using a verbal request and have to resort to changing household fittings to fend him off, that's a problem. What next, CCTV to check he hasn't got a glass against the wall? Surely "I'm on a confidential call for the next hour" should be enough to guarantee privacy if he has any respect.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 24/09/2026 14:49

ThisTealWarrior · 24/09/2026 11:48

One a month if that for an hour or so.
He’s got a thing about the courts being linked to stone masons etc.

You have much bigger problems than your home working setup!

Are there not court rules about privacy for remote access?