Adult son, 22, lives at home, as do his 2 siblings. History of eating disorder and has just started medication for depression. I have had chronic depression since age 13, now have an anxiety disorder. DV situation with his dad.
He came home from work 2 weeks ago upset from a row with a colleague. I ask him what happened, he tells me and honestly, it sounds like the colleague had a point. I don't say this though, just give gentle advice about the situation. He misunderstood something I said and said I don't know what I'm talking about then says I'm getting it all wrong. I say maybe I am as I wasn't there, but suggest ways to difuse the situation if it occurs again or becomes an issue the next time they work together. He is now actively having a go at me, saying I'm getting it wrong and I'm acusing him of things. I realise he is not thinking rationally that he needs to calm down. I say calmly that maybe I have misunderstood and start to stand up. He continues to have a go, so I say I was just trying to give advice but maybe he's not ready to listen and that I will speak to him later. He swears at me, says 'now you are saying it's my fault too, guess I am just a f**king arsehole' and I close the door.
He doesn't leave his room for the rest of the night even when his brother tells him his meal is ready. At 10:15pm, he comes out, sleepy and stands in the doorway as I am watching TV. I look at him to gauge his mood and he says sorry about earlier. I say ok and tell him where his food is. He repeats it and eats it in the same room as me as I watch my programme. I tidy the sofa at 11:40pm and pass him the remote. He asks me if I'm still doing him a favour the next day, I say yes as long as he tells me what time. He bites my head off, and I leave the room. After a few minutes I return and say 'so you didn't really apologise then did you, you just want me to do the favour for you still' and he has another go at me. I'm not going to stand there to listen to that so I leave the room.
The next day, I get up, prepare everything for the favour, really putting lots of effort in because he asked me to do it for him. He doesn't get up until 3pm, gets a drink of water and returns to his room. At 4:30 I go and ask what time he wants me to do the favour, he shouts at me that he doesn't want it anymore. All that effort wasted. I do the ironing instead.
He has ignored me ever since. Barely comes out of his room, barely speaks to his siblings but when I am not around he will speak to them. He's not eating much either and when he does he gets takeaways and leaves the empty wrappers on his bedroom floor. It stinks. He knows it upsets me when he restricts food.
I have carried on as normal. I have tried speaking to him twice when he accidently walked into a room while I was still there. I asked if he was still ignoring me. He said he's not ignoring me and went to walk away. I said he obviously is as he hasn't spoken to me and is purposely avoiding me. He continued to leave.
Usually, i would back down and force a conversation but i am sick of being treated like shit in my own home. I don't know what to do.