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Original poster

Opinions on paying family to care for Mum

16 replies

stonehawk · 22/09/2026 18:16

I wanted opinions of what people think about a daughter being paid £200 a night to ‘care’ for their Mum who has advancing dementia. The money is being paid by a sibling from their mum’s account. The family are delaying finding a care home placement and scrimping on day carers.

OP posts:
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seahorsessky · 22/09/2026 20:43

It is a very hard thing to do, and if someone is doing that and unable to work/care for kids, then assuming the mum is much happier being looked after by family, it's cheap at twice the price. I don't know about any legal rules/implications, but anything that keeps someone at home with family and out of a care home is something good, in my experience. I'd much rather be with family than strangers. I hated seeing family thrown into care homes (and yes, we went to court to try to get them back, but it was too late, and seems awful that we didn't get to honour them by caring for them, as they did for us when we were kids).

Supersimkin7 · 22/09/2026 20:17

I know people who do this and it’s much better than agency carers.

DD isn’t charging a lot - going rate is 10k a month for 24hr care round here.

A definite plus. There’s no reason why DD shouldn’t be paid.

StarPyjamas · 22/09/2026 19:42

I’d definitely prefer this to a stranger.

And I’m sure the mother does too.

Weeellokthen · 22/09/2026 19:38

Depends. Has the sibling had to give up paid work for this? I don't think I would be comfortable being paid by my own mother to help care for her unless I was at a financial disadvantage as a result.

PixelDustMom · 22/09/2026 19:07

I think it’s very reasonable and I would much rather have a family member do the caring, I personally would have no objections whatsoever.
What is your reason for asking your question? What is your opinion on the arrangement?

Original poster
stonehawk · 22/09/2026 18:54

Twoweeksinaugust · 22/09/2026 18:51

Does she need care by night, is she prine to wander? Will the carer be expected to be awake all night or are they sleeping in?

The mum does wonder at night and the daughter is there to sleep but get up if she hears anything.

OP posts:
fumingrightnow1 · 22/09/2026 18:54

I think its reasonable to pay a family member instead off a stranger. Aslong as the family member is reliable and responsible.

Original poster
stonehawk · 22/09/2026 18:52

The person paying the money to their sister does have POA. I don’t think it’s being declared to anyone. I found out by accident.

OP posts:
Twoweeksinaugust · 22/09/2026 18:51

Does she need care by night, is she prine to wander? Will the carer be expected to be awake all night or are they sleeping in?

MyOliveViewer · 22/09/2026 18:27

Social workers offered me the option of my mum employing me and using money paid by social services for people to find their own carers/PA’s etc. Is something like that going on (obviously not the whole amount?

Tel12 · 22/09/2026 18:25

Don't know about the detail but would seem to be a good option for the mum, better than random carers. Hardly a gift is she's actually working. I'd be fine with this in the mum's position.

Musicaltheatremum · 22/09/2026 18:24

viques · 22/09/2026 18:17

Does the person accessing the mums account have POA?

£1400 a week or £5600 a month would surely go a long way to pay for dementia care in a specialised care home, which would ensure that the mum is getting 24 hour support.

Edited

I agree with this. £1400 a week is loads who agreed to it?

OneNewEagle · 22/09/2026 18:22

I have a friend who did similar. Cared for one parent and then the next and was paid. She was also in charge of their finances.

rereturner · 22/09/2026 18:21

Even though this might be well meaning it could cause problems later if it hasn’t been declared/looks like gifted money for estate purposes, I think.

rereturner · 22/09/2026 18:18

£200 a night should be going through payroll/being declared as well

viques · 22/09/2026 18:17

Does the person accessing the mums account have POA?

£1400 a week or £5600 a month would surely go a long way to pay for dementia care in a specialised care home, which would ensure that the mum is getting 24 hour support.

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