anyone good with witty responses?

I’d just stick with “errr ok then…? Shall we crack on?” Or something like that. Hopefully they’ll get the message that their comments were wholly unwelcome and maybe make them think.

I personally do not understand at all why anyone feels they have the right to comment on your disability or difference, unless you started the convo and it was relevant. But I do understand that the world is full of twats, so…

Can you say the same thing back to them. "Keep showing up - everyone in the room wants you to be here" etc.

My friend is gay and he does this - if people ask him "when did you know you were gay?" he asks "When did you know you were straight?" For example.

Similar to asking them to repeat themselves, a perplexed "sorry have I missed something" might highlight how ridiculous these comments are.

And the training one is just asking for you to say can I just confirm without the training would I not be welcome - that's just a reflex joke surely?!

Yeah that'd be me. Although I'd probably get arsey to be honest.

People are so fucking annoying sometimes 🙄

Then maybe you could just say “I experience myself as differently abled, not disabled, but thank you for your thought.”

I would swing between ‘patronising much’ or ‘if you say so’.

Could you explain a little more about how you have a disability but don’t consider yourself disabled? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.

It seems like these people are really just trying to be kind and don’t need to be “put in their place”. A polite way to assert yourself might just be to say “Thanks. I’m so used to myself that I don’t feel I’m experiencing any impact.”

Have you tried just 'Pardon?' in a confused tone of voice?

DM does a great 'I don't understand?' 'I don't get it, can you explain?' while looking very ernest and confused, it's surprisingly effective. I can't pull it off, my face betrays me! 😂

"Our team has just had diversity and inclusion training, so you're very welcome here"
"Thank you. I'm glad we've got the awkwardness out of the way. I'll let you know if I need any accessibility adjustments. Meanwhile, shall we crack on?"

(Thank you because you want to start with a positive and diffuse the situation, not because you necessarily mean it!)

"I was feeling fine until you said that!"

The comments you’re experiencing sound like micro aggressions. If you google how to respond to them there are lots of websites with suggested phrasing to remain neutral and help people see how their behaviour is impacting you. If it doesn’t resolve then this is a HR issue. Don’t just accept it.

"Everybody has got something."

For the 'keep showing up' type comments say 'I say the same about you! With a large wink

"Good on you, never feel like you shouldn't be in the room. Keep showing up."
Either the straight ‘ok then’ or ‘why wouldn’t I?’ Or repeat back ‘keep showing up?’ in a puzzled tone.

Or full sarcy, lay on the patronising faux concerned voice and say ‘ahh thank you, and you know, you too! Keep going, honestly you’re doing fine’ etc etc

"You don't have to worry about that (being discriminated against?) at all, none of us here are judging you in any way"

Wow, am I supposed to say thank you?

Judging me for what?

Why would I be worried?

Shame I can’t say the same hey?

No of course, I’ll be the one doing the judging here. (If you think you can be jokey about it, I can see a context where you could be like ‘no but just so YOU know, I’m a total judgy bitch so I can’t promise the same’ but obviously that’s very situation dependent!)

Oh it’s not me that needs to be worried ….

"awww that's such a shame isn't it"

What is?

That the document didn’t get approved/ we didn’t win the business/ they’re no longer supplying hobknobs in the staff room? Yeah it is.

The patronising remarks? Yeah but I’m used to them.

"Our team has just had diversity and inclusion training, so you're very welcome here"

Cool, keep going with the training - almost there!

You needed training so that disabled people would be welcome?

Really? What would you have said without the training do you think?

Id have hoped to be welcome either way really.

wow, so this is the improved version? Good to know ….

Thank you. I find it’s handy to be brighter than I look, better than looking brighter than I am. Must crack on.

It’s a garbled quote from a James Bond film. DH and I use it all the time.

"Good on you, never feel like you shouldn't be in the room. Keep showing up."
Why thank you - I have never had that feeling - should I have done?

"You don't have to worry about that (being discriminated against?) at all, none of us here are judging you in any way"
I think the need to comment is a judgement don't you?

"awww that's such a shame isn't it"
Not really, I love being commented on - tells me a lot about other people.

"Our team has just had diversity and inclusion training, so you're very welcome here"
And so are you...

I would though tend more to sarcasm!

'Until you mentioned it, I didn't feel unwelcome.'
'Well, now I do feel like a diversity hire. So, thanks for that.'

Neither clever or witty tho

Look confused and say 'what do you mean?' they'll stumble and realise what and arse they've been.

If they say something like 'yourr very welcome here flip it and say gently 'why wouldn't I be welcome?'

For the 'keep showing up' type comments say 'oh yes, you too!'

Can’t believe no one had suggested the classic mumsnet
’do you mean to be so rude?’

but as pp has suggested ‘ok then’ works well

Me! No… ah, wait…