anyone good with witty responses?

”I’m perfectly fine thanks but thank you for your concern” - should cut it short !

I don't mean to pry, but what is the condition? I'm amazed so many people feel empowered to speak to you like this!

I have an actual missing limb and I've only had one person corner me (in the bathroom!) in about 15 years of working in an office. But I also have a chronic resting bitch face, so maybe that helps! 😅

I agree you can't be too rude, I think people feel a lot of things around people with disabilities. I once came across a guy in a wheelchair and we were both dithering about how to help each other, each assuming that the other was less capable 🤦 it was so embarrassing, but I think in the moment, brains just weren't really working properly.

I think wittiness may have to be jettisoned. It's arguable that the comments, as tin earred as they are, come from a good place. It probably makes them warm inside. Although imo, regardless of the intent, they're patronising and othering. The answer might be for you to be sincere. Look them in the eye, acknowledge that the comment was well meant and tell them to fuck off, that it had the opposite effect but, if they really wanted to be welcoming, you took milk, one sugar and were there any biscuits?

People can’t resist suggesting rude comments when you’ve said you can’t be rude as they are clients.

Another good one is 'what do you mean by that?'

A colleague of mine used to say that a lot, not necessarily to pick people up on ableist comments but it was very effective. Don't know whether she learnt it in a management course.

'Could you repeat that, please?'

Followed by

'And again ..... only this time, listen to yourself'.

Think the first 2 comments, same back to them.

'And you're welcome in the room too, please keep showing up.' With a suitably baffled expression.

To the comments about diversity training 'really, I might suggest you try a different provider'

Witty comebacks are meant to express displeasure. So they will feel snarky. It’s tricky to blend ‘I’m upset you’ve mentioned my disability’ with ‘I’m open for questions about my disability’. I totally get why those comments are othering but perhaps the best way forward is therefore brutal honesty to provide a learning moment.

I’d just deadpan and say ‘and you’re welcome here too despite gestures at them your own issues’

or just be honest ‘now do you realise how saying that might come across like you think you’re providing charity instead of welcoming a colleague like any other?’

I'd go with this one.

Or: "I never think about my disability until someone reminds me of it."

Just grin and tell them that actually you identify as an able bodied person. Then get any questions out of the way, they’ll probably never see it as an issue again.

I tried to give you a non-snarky response upthread as I agree with you. But perhaps the issue is that you’re trying to be witty while addressing an issue that annoys you, and a lot of humour has an inherent slight darkness. Maybe you just need to aim for friendly, clear and sincere.

Person "<insert random unwanted comment here>"

You: "Awww. Aanyway.......,"

To all those comments, I’d answer “Is that so?” and then change the subject immediately, as if they hadn’t said it. It’s not witty, it may go right over their heads, it doesn’t challenge them. But it won’t affect your standing with them, and they may find that the penny drops later when they’re by themselves, and start to rethink their response before they meet their next victim. You might even start receiving belated apologies…

I get it OP.

I think I'd just say something rhetorical like "I wonder if your assumptions are getting in the way here" with a judgy head tilt, and walk away/move on.

Or "I understand that you've jumped to some conclusions but that doesn't mean they're accurate", plus equally condescending smile.

Both of these are just direct enough to embarrass people, in theory...but if there's no self-awareness in play at all you may as well just bang your head against the wall 😳

"I know you mean it kindly, but honestly I dont your virtue signalling"

Ooo that's good and once delivered that's got to sting..cue awkward silence.

“Good on you, never feel like you shouldn't be in the room. Keep showing up."

”Well, yes I did plan to. In my professional experience, it’s the best way to make sure I get paid every month, but thanks for the advice!”

“You don't have to worry about that at all, none of us here are judging you in any way"

“oh really? That’s a shame. I jumped to some pretty wild conclusions about you the moment I walked in but perhaps now isn’t the time to share!”

What should I keep showing up to and will there be snacks? Maybe throw in a massive smile.

Judging? I wouldn’t expect there to be any it is work after all and not Strictly.

You are absolutely going to need to explain that one to me, what shame are you referring to, again with beaming assassin smile.

oh how exciting can you give me an in-depth summary as it sounds fascinating.

or the old reliable sorry I don’t understand can you explain, followed by sorry I don’t understand can you explain please, and then sorry I don’t understand can you explain please with a head tilt…..until they run out of steam and become uncomfortable.

Just errr thanks, with a small smile, should do it. It's all in the brief hesitation.

OP, your reportage of the fools other people make of themselves is worthy of Barbara Pym or Jane Austen.

If you can’t piss these cringeathons off cos they’re paying you, sigh, then beam, announce ‘That’s great to hear’ and pointedly change the subject.

My old boss thanked me in front of the whole company once by proudly roaring ‘and you work harder than the normal people’.

I don't think about it, it doesn't bother me, I'm fine thanks, don't worry about it I don't, is there something I missed?

Sometimes I do think it's about them (or a family member). A teenager was shaken when some ableist delightful woman whined at him for his support dog being in the room, and upset him so much he quit. His dad (at another workplace) was talking to a woman who has one; no, he shouldn't be commenting to her, but it can be that the person has been affected directly or indirectly and is clumsily trying to make things better,