Should I pause my pension contributions while money is very tight?

Doing that when not married was foolish. If it were me I'd be building up my career and making sure he pays half the childcare

No!

If you opt out for a year now, and assuming your employer matches that £30, you would save £360, but the impact on your pension pot would be just under £5000, because of the way that the investment compounds over the years. Your kids won't remember £30 worth of paid for activities!

What would be the impact of a bankruptcy on your ability to rent a flat when the relationship ends? Perhaps research that with the help of a debt charity. I don’t know.

I can’t help thinking that you’d be better off splitting up asap whilst DC still young. You can all get on with your lives then. Not what you asked, I know!

I’m nearly 60. I regret not prioritising my pension. Keep contributing please

That would be the case if you were married, but at the moment you are taking the entire hit financially whilst your DP is working full-time, building his career and building his pension. You need to stop thinking about you as one financial entity, you are two separate ones and you need to look after yourself. Especially for your children's sake.

Put it in your pension. It's the only savings that universal credit can't touch, obviously you can't either but at least that cash is there when you are older.

She works on his two days when he has not been on nights

what would you spend it on if you were in op position? How would you use 30 quid to enhance family life? I would probs buy activities and games, something that will last longer term and stick to free places like library and parks and walks etc maybe throw in a cafe trip some months for some cake. Baking supplies.

Do a benefits check to see how much you would get if you broke up with him and lived alone.

So you don't even own a car? Definitely a reason to go bankrupt or sign up to a DRO. Otherwise you'll likely be struggling on for years.

How come most of the debt is in your name when your partner is the higher earner? What's the reason - does he already have a poor credit rating, expect you to pay half of household expenses despite earning less due to childcare?

But you are not solely responsible for paying the childcare bill. Your DP needs to pay at least half, but ideally you should pay in proportion to what you earn. If you earn £1700/month and he earns £2550 (for example) then you pay a third of the childcare costs and he pays two thirds. Since you are not married you really need to put yourself and your financial security first, especially since it sounds like if you did split up you would continue be the default parent.

You need to get out of the mindset that you need to make memories with your kids and spend money you don't have on softplay and similar. What you need is to be able to put a roof over their heads and food on the table. At the moment you owe four times your annual salary, that's money you have spent that you didn't have and by the sounds of it you have nothing to show for it.

Sleeping, surely? He works nights.

I am not optimistic of the relationship lasting.

All the more reason to get married. You can't rely on him being there to look after you when you are older, so a legal claim on his money protects you from some of the financial hit that just-you took to raise your-and-his joint children.

Writing that would have been so much easier if we still used "thou" for second person singular.

Have you have any professional help (from a charity not a bank) about your debt?

Won't you get UC help with childcare if you up your hours?

How much are your cars worth? If they're not much and you're in tens of thousands of debt that's mostly in your name, you might qualify for a DRO or even bankruptcy. Otherwise you'll probably struggle on for years with that amount of debt on a low income.

But you need to good picture of your incomings and all outgoings over the year, including pension contributions, a sustainable grocery budget et, in a comprehensive budget, without debt repayments. You shouldn't be going short of day to day expenses to pay unsecured debt. Have a look at

Free debt advice: what to do & where to get help - MSE

If it is £83 a month as per PP (including employer contribution and tax relief), and say you are mid 30s (only guessing) so, another 30 years of employment.

You would still have over £81K, over £50K of which would be interest (at estimated moderate pension growth).

Don't underestimate the importance of compounding interest. It is the thing people who perhaps didn't have brilliant financial guidance when young underestimate.

Not only should you keep paying the £30 into your pension but your DP should be making up the difference in pension contributions -including employer contributions - between you working FT v PT.
He is ONLY able to do his job because you facilitate childcare. Your future financial security should not be compromised by having (joint) children.
I appreciate this may not be possible in your family circumstances due to the levels of debt you have but I hope someone else reading takes this onboard.

If you can, please model the following scenarios using the calculator I linked:

£9000 at your January credit card interest rate paid off with minimum repayments

£9000 at your January interest rate paid off with minimum repayments PLUS £150 overpayment

£9000 at your January interest rate paid off with minimum repayments PLUS £150 overpayment PLUS £30 pension payment.

See how many years to pay off debt in each scenario and how much total interest paid. You'll then be able to figure out whether it's worth it to you to drop your pension payment.

I would NOT drop pension payment to overpay your personal loan as there's almost no way that you'd get a better return by doing that.

Excluding your previous pension accumulation and excluding state pension, you're likely to be on track for £78000 - £125000 total pension. If you take 4% annually at retirement so that it lasts the rest of your life, you're on track for £5000 extra pension in today's money based on your contributions from this point.

As soon as you've paid off your credit card, can you redirect some of the money you have at the end of a month to a SIPP or self-invested pension? If you started doing that in 5 years, you could get an extra £7300 annually in today's money at retirement (assuming your employer didn't top you up further). If they did, it might be more like £14,600.

If you miss 5 years in contributions from now at your current rate of saving, it will cost you £1000 annually at retirement age.

Let us know the answers to the scenarios above. I think you can't really answer the questions for yourself without modelling it in full.

Have you considered making affordability complaints? Look online and on TikTok for others who have done it. Obviously might not be successful but nothing to lose by trying.