Should I pause my pension contributions while money is very tight?

ThePoisedOpalBird · 2026-09-22T11:46:23+00:00

I am due to return to my 2 day week part time job in January. Money is super super tight with around £150 'spare' each month due to lots of debt. I only earn about 12.5k a year so my pension contribution is about £30 per month. Am I better off not contibuting that £30 and putting it towards our living costs/debt? Everyone says how important it is to contribute to a pension but at £30 it doesn't feel worth contibuting it and would be better used for living costs or debt? Just want some opinions as I feel very stressed about money and I want to do the right thing.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 20:09

cosimarama · Yesterday 19:56

Have you tried contacting step change about consolidating your debt? That could reduce monthly outgoings.

Its all been consolidated as much as it can be but 40k+ is a lot of debt so only so much we can do.

OP posts:

cosimarama · Yesterday 19:56

Have you tried contacting step change about consolidating your debt? That could reduce monthly outgoings.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 19:37

DelphiniumBlue · Yesterday 19:33

If someone's pension has to take a hit, let it be your partner's. You are not married, you have already suffered the financial hit of not working full time. Whose is the debt? And why are you deducting the costs of childcare from your wages, not his?

Debt is mainly mine although he pays it. We dont have separate financial pots. It all goes in 1 account so nobody would be specifically paying childcare. We cant afford the childcare cost combined.

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Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 19:34

cosimarama · Yesterday 19:23

You’d be better off looking at other ways to save money than losing £60 from your pension every month. Have you tried switching your bank account for a bonus? Changing to sim only phone if not already? Cheaper energy tariffs, cheaper home and car insurance deals. Even things like too good to go app for food deals.

Yeah I have switched banks as much as we can. Phone is sim only, on the cheapest energy tarrif, dont have home insurance or car insurance.

But I clearly should keep the small pension contribution.

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lottiegarbanzo · Yesterday 19:34

No

DelphiniumBlue · Yesterday 19:33

If someone's pension has to take a hit, let it be your partner's. You are not married, you have already suffered the financial hit of not working full time. Whose is the debt? And why are you deducting the costs of childcare from your wages, not his?

BorgQueen · Yesterday 19:29

Is there a reason you weren’t advised to go bankrupt with that amount of debt?

cosimarama · Yesterday 19:23

You’d be better off looking at other ways to save money than losing £60 from your pension every month. Have you tried switching your bank account for a bonus? Changing to sim only phone if not already? Cheaper energy tariffs, cheaper home and car insurance deals. Even things like too good to go app for food deals.

thunderboxesarego · Yesterday 19:01

Totally get the not wanting to get married, and so long as you keep a keen eye on your own independent financial situation long-term, that doesn't matter. Keeping up the pension payments as you're doing, paying in more when you can, grabbing every opportunity for training to increase your earning potential, working more hours even if it initially doesn't make a profit, if it gives you the chance of better work later on - all of that sort of thing will be good.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 19:01

thunderboxesarego · Yesterday 18:58

Even if you can't pay more in right now, it should be a high priority when you do have a bit more disposable income. You're doing absolutely the right thing keeping on with the current payments too.

One of my biggest regrets is having taken my eye off the ball with my pension when dc were small and I was working less hours. Every extra £10 is worth paying in when you're younger as it's impossible to just catch up later.

Yep in 5 years when the debt is gone and I can work more my pension contributions will go up.

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thunderboxesarego · Yesterday 18:58

Even if you can't pay more in right now, it should be a high priority when you do have a bit more disposable income. You're doing absolutely the right thing keeping on with the current payments too.

One of my biggest regrets is having taken my eye off the ball with my pension when dc were small and I was working less hours. Every extra £10 is worth paying in when you're younger as it's impossible to just catch up later.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 18:50

Limehawkmoth · Yesterday 18:40

So is your partner considering stopping his pension contributions too? Or is it just you expected to cover shortage of money during expensive young child years?

agian and again we hear this on MN! How it’s women who are paying for the kids stuff like you’re single mothers. Why can’t he work more to pay for soft play areas and kiddies outings ?

and if you are not married never, ever stop paying into your pension. If you think women’s pay gap is bad, you aint seen anything yet for women’s pension gap.

everyhtibg you pay in gets tax relief. The earlier it’s paid into your scheme (assuming it’s not a final salary and is defined contributions ) the longer the period of time it has to grow as investment. Whilst kids are financially dependent (and that’s up to 25 according to government with some benefits) you’ll never have “spare cash” and trying to get enough pension once you are menopausal, kids finally left home, and you’re looking forward to actually stopping bloody work becuase now you need to look after aging relative, is no time to suddenly panic and try to make up those missing years

if he earns good money he should pay into your pension frankly. He’ll get some tax relief on it. Unless you can work longer hours and choose not to, and he doesn’t agree.

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No but he also doesn't expect me to stop mine. It was me who considered stopping them.

And he works 6 nights a week so he is working plenty to support us!

We have no spare money for him to pay into my pension otherwise he would happily do that.

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Limehawkmoth · Yesterday 18:40

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 13:25

There is no split. We put all our money in 1 account.

Show quote history

So is your partner considering stopping his pension contributions too? Or is it just you expected to cover shortage of money during expensive young child years?

agian and again we hear this on MN! How it’s women who are paying for the kids stuff like you’re single mothers. Why can’t he work more to pay for soft play areas and kiddies outings ?

and if you are not married never, ever stop paying into your pension. If you think women’s pay gap is bad, you aint seen anything yet for women’s pension gap.

everyhtibg you pay in gets tax relief. The earlier it’s paid into your scheme (assuming it’s not a final salary and is defined contributions ) the longer the period of time it has to grow as investment. Whilst kids are financially dependent (and that’s up to 25 according to government with some benefits) you’ll never have “spare cash” and trying to get enough pension once you are menopausal, kids finally left home, and you’re looking forward to actually stopping bloody work becuase now you need to look after aging relative, is no time to suddenly panic and try to make up those missing years

if he earns good money he should pay into your pension frankly. He’ll get some tax relief on it. Unless you can work longer hours and choose not to, and he doesn’t agree.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 18:28

AFigureWalks · Yesterday 17:36

If you are doing childcare and working PT to enable your partner to work full time, he needs to pay into a pension for you.

We don't have any spare to do this.

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AFigureWalks · Yesterday 17:36

If you are doing childcare and working PT to enable your partner to work full time, he needs to pay into a pension for you.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 16:51

dandelionfluffy · Yesterday 10:05

This is the best reason to be married. You will be entitled to much more should you split, as opposed to nothing now.

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The cost to get married and divorced in thr space of a year would be more than I would gain from his pension. He only outs a tiny bit in each month.

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dandelionfluffy · Yesterday 10:05

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 13:39

I don't want to get married as I am not optimistic of the relationship lasting.

Yes he has a better pension. Think I only have 3k. And yes he has significantly better earning potential. I gave up my career when my 1st was born as we both couldn't work the hours in the same industry.

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This is the best reason to be married. You will be entitled to much more should you split, as opposed to nothing now.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · Yesterday 09:27

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 06:59

Except in respect of your pension, in which you are taking an enormous hit compared to him because you work far fewer hours and earn less.

If you were married, you'd have a claim on his pension. You aren't married, so you don't.

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Nope no claim on his pension but frankly his pension contributions arent worth going through marriage and divorce in the space of a year or 2.

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 06:59

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 16:48

If that was the case I would be screwed because if we had finances totally separate and just put into a pot for joint costs I would then pay a 3rd of the household outgoings, 3rd of childcare costs and all of my own debt (as its my debt not his) which I couldnt afford to do that on a minimum wage full time job. My debt alone is 1k a month.

So having our finances combined benefits me a lot more than him.

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Except in respect of your pension, in which you are taking an enormous hit compared to him because you work far fewer hours and earn less.

If you were married, you'd have a claim on his pension. You aren't married, so you don't.

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 18:26

backformoreofthesame · 22/09/2026 18:23

It costs either way

???

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backformoreofthesame · 22/09/2026 18:23

It costs either way

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 18:19

Ilovelifeverymuch · 22/09/2026 18:15

This is a very messed up mentality when it comes to money and is probably part of what led to your current situation.

So you want to stop contributing to pension to pay down debt and when you find out it wouldn't do much to the debt oh well then you might as well spend it on soft play, it's like you feel you must spend every single extra penny.

What car did you buy may I ask?

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I didn't buy a car my partner leases it through work.

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Ilovelifeverymuch · 22/09/2026 18:15

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 13:10

No the quality of his childhood isn't measured on soft play of course. But as £30 doesn't have a big impact on the debt or pension it seems like a good use of a small bit of spare cash.

But I really appreciate the opinion its helpful.

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This is a very messed up mentality when it comes to money and is probably part of what led to your current situation.

So you want to stop contributing to pension to pay down debt and when you find out it wouldn't do much to the debt oh well then you might as well spend it on soft play, it's like you feel you must spend every single extra penny.

What car did you buy may I ask?

Original poster

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 17:10

Bjorkdidit · 22/09/2026 16:59

What was the debt spent on? If it was for child related costs or paying half of bills while you're on a lower income due to maternity leave or part time working to do most of the childcare, it might be in your name, but morally, it's both your debts, so you should both repay it.

At best, you've naively let yourself get into a very vulnerable, disadvantaged position, at worst, your DP is financially abusive by failing to take on a fair amount of household costs and also provide reliable childcare to allow you to work.

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Most of the debt was accrued before I met my partner so he is very generous to actually be willing to pay it. He even moved a large part into his name on a loan to save interest.

OP posts:

Bjorkdidit · 22/09/2026 16:59

ThePoisedOpalBird · 22/09/2026 16:48

If that was the case I would be screwed because if we had finances totally separate and just put into a pot for joint costs I would then pay a 3rd of the household outgoings, 3rd of childcare costs and all of my own debt (as its my debt not his) which I couldnt afford to do that on a minimum wage full time job. My debt alone is 1k a month.

So having our finances combined benefits me a lot more than him.

Show quote history

What was the debt spent on? If it was for child related costs or paying half of bills while you're on a lower income due to maternity leave or part time working to do most of the childcare, it might be in your name, but morally, it's both your debts, so you should both repay it.

At best, you've naively let yourself get into a very vulnerable, disadvantaged position, at worst, your DP is financially abusive by failing to take on a fair amount of household costs and also provide reliable childcare to allow you to work.