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Original poster

Teenage girl drama

9 replies

Arghannoyedmum · 21/09/2026 21:31

DD is in Y10 and - for the first time ever - I got an email from her school to say she had a detention after school (which is considered more serious than a lunchtime detention). She & her friend had been messing about on school trip taking photos on the coach of one of their friends, who was sitting on the seat in front.

The friend has gone home and complained to their mum, who's rung the school... which is why DD has a detention.

My message to DD is that her behaviour wasn't acceptable, she needs to say sorry to the friend (which she has).

DD has told me that prior to taking the photos, the friend sitting in the seat in front had been bouncing backwards on her seat to bash DD's knees.

When DD was told about detention, she didn't tell the teacher the friend had been bashing her knees because "it wouldn't have made any difference".

I've never got involved in any dramas previously, but for some reason I'm really annoyed DD (& her friend) have been punished - but the friend hasn't even had to apologise for her role in this. Probably because I've always taken the view with DD that she needs to try to sort friendship issues out herself (but obviously, I'm here if she ever felt bullied).

Just to be clear, there have never been any issues raised previously re. DDs behaviour - school reports have always been she's quiet and reserved.

Do I let it go or also complain to the school about the friend bashing DD's knees??

OP posts:

Sassylovesbooks · 21/09/2026 21:43

No. Your daughter is in Year 10, and if this other girl was deliberately bouncing on her seat to hurt your daughter, then your daughter should have told the teacher the full story. No, it might not have stopped her from receiving a detention but at least the teacher would have been given all information and the other girl might have also been given a detention for the part she played.

It's your daughter's responsibility to make sure the teacher knows all the facts. Your daughter kept quiet instead. She needs to learn from the mistake she made.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but children don't learn if us parents jump in to rescue them all the time. Yes it's annoying the other girl wasn't punished but now your daughter knows what to do if it happens again.

WolfBain · 21/09/2026 21:47

No, even if the other girl was being a pain why was your daughter's response to take a photo? That's not ok, the only reason to do that was surely to embarrass or put down the other girl. It clearly wasn't to evidence what she was doing or she would have told the teacher.

MCF86 · 21/09/2026 21:59

Were they actually allowed to have their phones out? I'd have thought that was the issue. If they had been told phone use wasn't allowed, the other girl being a bit of a dick is completely irrelevant to that rule being broken.

"Schools should ensure that pupils’ educational experience on a school trip is not disrupted by the presence of mobile phones and should consider prohibiting or restricting their use" (from here)

Mobile phones in schools

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/mobile-phones-in-schools/mobile-phones-in-schools#prohibiting-the-use-of-mobile-phones-in-school

Original poster

Arghannoyedmum · 21/09/2026 22:14

MCF86 · 21/09/2026 21:59

"Schools should ensure that pupils’ educational experience on a school trip is not disrupted by the presence of mobile phones and should consider prohibiting or restricting their use" (from here)

The detention is for upsetting the other girl - no mention that phone use was inappropriate (DD said teacher said they could use their phones on the way home).

OP posts:

SereneFinch · 22/09/2026 06:49

Yeah, I think this is a great opportunity for her to learn that it’s important to be able to advocate for yourself. A detention is no big deal in the grand scheme of things so tell her to take it on the chin and next time, speak up for herself.

Wolfiefan · 22/09/2026 07:19

I can’t see any link between the other girl bashing her knees and her taking photos. If someone was hurting her then she should have sorted that out in a mature and sensible way.

Savvysix1984 · 22/09/2026 07:28

Stop making excuses. Your dd shouldn’t have been taking photos of someone else without their permission.

TallSturdyGirls · 22/09/2026 07:33

God no. I'm embarrassed on your DDs behalf even at the thought. She needs to sort things out herself. This would escalate it.

phononoforofon · 22/09/2026 07:56

Arghannoyedmum · 21/09/2026 21:31

The friend has gone home and complained to their mum, who's rung the school... which is why DD has a detention.

My message to DD is that her behaviour wasn't acceptable, she needs to say sorry to the friend (which she has).

DD has told me that prior to taking the photos, the friend sitting in the seat in front had been bouncing backwards on her seat to bash DD's knees.

When DD was told about detention, she didn't tell the teacher the friend had been bashing her knees because "it wouldn't have made any difference".

Just to be clear, there have never been any issues raised previously re. DDs behaviour - school reports have always been she's quiet and reserved.

Do I let it go or also complain to the school about the friend bashing DD's knees??

You should be proud, your dd must be a well behaved student to have never received a detention before, it’s a shame it had to happen in y10. My DD was the same in school and also got her very first detention in Y11, which was baffling. She's at uni now, which comes with a whole different set of challenges.

Annoying of the girl to keep bouncing back onto her seat, but unfortunately, that kind of immature, over excited behaviour is pretty common on school trips (teacher here). Did your DD try to make the other girl to stop annoying her by taking photos of her? If so, that could be seen as intimidating behaviour, while the other girl was, at that point, simply being annoying. What exactly happened with the photos? Why were they taken, and were they shared? Schools are rightly very careful with phones and photos as it's too often used for bullying.
What exactly is the friendship issue? It’s not really clear from your post.

The friend has gone home and complained to their mum, who's rung the school... which is why DD has a detention.
This is how the school found out about the situation. Your dd got a detention because she had broken some sort of school rule.

But the friend hasn't even had to apologise for her role in this. I don’t think someone would generally apologise for bouncing on a seat. People don’t usually apologise for being irritating, if they did, they wouldn’t be irritating in the first place.

Do I let it go or also complain to the school about the friend bashing DD's knees?? No, of course not. I wouldn’t contact the school because another student had been messing around in their bus seat in primary school, let alone in y10. Detention isn't the end of the world. Just one of those things, try to move on unless there are actually ongoing friendship issues with mutual bullying.

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