There is quite a backstory to tell but this is probably outing in itself hence the name change so I’ll leave it as the most recent.
My eldest went to stay with his dad 3 years ago, we had had an argument, ex wanted out of his living situation and unbeknownst to me behind my back and without contacting me, within a week had changed all DS things over to his address and started claiming universal credit etc for him (all whilst son was back at mine while he was on holiday…) son went back to his after the holiday (ex basically used son to get housed)
2 weeks ago son came back to me saying he wants to live back here. He is quite isolated at his dads as it’s a 45 min bus journey from college (and also his school which his attendance last year was so low he didn’t do well in GCSEs) and all his friends (who live round the corner from me) and basically that his dad wasn’t offering enough support and he was left to it too much. My son has basically been raising himself, ex will be away overnight, he’s missed school to watch the dog etc his dad isn’t home and just sends him money to buy ready meals etc. I’ve tried to help as much as I can but there is only so much I can do, I was shut out for a long time at the start. Ex doesn’t see other kids that much once a fortnight for an evening.
Ex has blocked me, I am about to add son to my UC claim as he has been here two weeks now without staying at his dads however I am a little worried about the reprocussions from his dad. I know he will not be happy I am taking over and will not make it easy/contest it. When I have spoken to son about it he said dad is okay with it but based on the understanding that he spends enough time there that basically ex gets rehoused still with son being on his claim. So essentially wants to claim for son and get the money/housing allowance for it but without having any of the cost. He’s saying for two months till he’s rehoused but I think this is probably just a delay tactic.
i have a new partner and we both earn an okay wage but we do still get some UC because our rent is so high, if we add son to the claim it will bump us up to the next housing size and basically will mean we get an extra £300 in help towards our house which currently we are paying the £200 shortfall. It would make a big difference as son will add money to food bill, electric, travel to college and pocket money etc. I also am having to pay out for new bed and a wardrobe etc for him so this would help towards that.
I am hesitating though because I know it will cause drama, part of me says just put in the claim and ignore it all but I know basically it will make life very difficult for my son, who has already in his own words said he wants to live here but knows his dad would hold a grudge for him coming back. It seems the only way he is keeping dad on side now and to maintain their relationship is him saying he’ll hold out two months till he is rehoused.
I just worry after two months it will be the same, it’s also illegal, I also really want to be the named guardian on his hospital (he has a medical condition that requires hospital appointments etc) and college so I can help get that all back on track with him together.
you cannot reason with his dad, the whole thing is making me feel very anxious. I also feel like by even asking he is taking the mick. He officially doesn’t work, he quit his job when son moved in to be his carer and also to get out of paying child maintenance for our other children - he pays £20 a month for all kids and owed beat on £6k and it has got to the point of coming out of his wage. I would say he is financially and emotionally abusive. Since son moved out he’s making moves on youngest buying her toys and telling her she can live there is she wants and I’m petrified he would try and get her to live there - i would take it to court in this case as she is way to young and I know there would be neglect. Social services were involved with our son at once point under his care and they had a support worker and I’ve got lots of evidence.
i just don’t know what to do. Wait two months for an easy life and to make son happy or just do back what he did to me for the greater good of the other three kids so they are not compromising again for their useless father.