If your family is wealthy, how would they feel if your partner is not?

My side is relatively wealthy but it’s made no difference to me. I haven’t had any handouts and for all I know it might be spent on my parent’s care before I ever inherit a bean. My job is OK but fairly average and I haven’t used any family money to climb the ladder or take advantage of anything. My husband on the other hand didn’t earn a lot when I met him, in fact we were equally earners, and he has come from nothing. A very working class background with no financial back up. He’s now worked his way up to partner (chartered surveyor) and owns a share in the business. He earns three times the amount as me and has the business as an asset. This was not the case when we met. I’m convinced he got to where he has because of not having that comfort blanket. And good on him. Anything can change. Not coming from money doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t make it. And vice versa

The ones in my family are self made. So it disappoints them that 1 Son IL has no “go” in him to improve his lot in life.

(it probably didn’t help that when he was introduced to the greater family we were all told he was a high profile public figure in his work life and he wasn’t).

his lack of manners such as not saying thanks for holidays, dinners, vehicles and housing that his IL’s have paid for grates on them. They don’t want anything but a thank you when they have paid for something, no different to the rest of us when shouted a meal or drink type expectation..

they offered to pay for private education for the DGC however son il refused it. They asked why and his response was he didn’t have it so why should his children…

Most in our family have the attitude to help our DC be in a better position than ourselves so it’s upsetting he is holding his DC back because he didn’t have the opportunity… 🤷‍♀️

I come from a wealthy and old family. My husband is from a working class family and his generation was the first to go to university (he and his siblings are all very intelligent). My family has been attending university for many generations. My parents have never thought anything but positive things about my husband - they might occasionally find a few things he does or says slightly odd, but only because they aren’t used to those phrases or ways of doing things. I get on equally well with my in laws. I think class and family wealth don’t really matter when you love someone, and certainly my husband and I have built our lives together very happily (22 years together, 19 years married, and two lovely sons).

The aristos I know only want their kids to marry up, failing that, at the very least, equal.
One married a WC teacher, could literally hear the palpitations at the wedding.

So true about those who’ve had to work for their money being worried about the next generation. FIL can be very like this. Luckily for him, I outearn DH! FIL does feel very inferior to SIL’s parents though, they are very wealthy and he hates it.

I'm a solicitor. Husband earns about the same as me. I would not say we're wealthy at all but we perhaps look well off from the outside. Both first generation to go to University. No previous family wealth. Definitely not in the affluent financial position as many of the posters on here.

Someone made a point about those in the middle maybe being more worried about their child marrying someone poor because their wealth has been hard-earned and potentially feels vulnerable - they're wealthy enough to be comfortable but not so wealthy that they can not care about money. If it feels as though it could be taken away, I could understand some discomfort. That said, it would be an horrific generalisation to assume that someone poor must be after money. The giveaway would be their behaviour, not their background.

My first consideration would be does my child's partner genuinely love them and treat them well. Then I'd be interested in their partner's morals and standards. Do they have a good attitude to life and the world / people around them? The things that don't cost money but form the basis of who we are.

In an ideal world, I would like for my child to meet someone who comes from a stable home where their partner has had a healthy relationship demonstrated to them by their own parents but I wouldn't be clutching my pearls if they brought someone home who'd spent their life on the streets! In that instance, I'd hope to be able to show their partner that life can be better and help / support them to get to where they want to be.

Unfortunately we live in an age where divorce is acceptable and commonplace. So yes if your DC marries someone significantly less well off, I can see that it would be a worry for someone to swipe 50%

My DF is wealthy, my DH was not when we met. My DF never cared. He put a lot of effort into helping him start his own business and now DH is wealthy too. Ironically, MIL (never had a job, lives on benefits) didn’t like us because we’re Irish and begged him not to marry me!

I married an aristocrat from a far wealthier family than mine. Not landed gentry level, but a title (now DH’s and mine) and several properties. My parents were immigrants and very normal, middle class professionals. I grew up with enough, but not loads of money.

My DH’s family have never batted an eyelid. They get on really well with my parents, they never asked me to sign a pre-nup (which I assumed they would) and honestly, we just all love each other. When DH and I bought a house, which he mostly paid for using his trust fund, my MiL even took him aside to ensure that he made me a joint tenant and told him to put me on the name of his other inherited property too so that I never felt unequal in our marriage. They knew/know I love their son and have a good career which I have not and would not give up because I enjoy it but am generally uninterested in money. So it was never an issue.

Our DC will likely be very wealthy. I would be gutted if they married someone unequal to them in education, intelligence or kindness, but not in money.

The amount of High earner husbands I’ve read about on here that are cheaters and narcissists, I think I’d rather marry someone trustworthy and homeless 🤣🤣

That’s quite naive then as it is a possibility unfortunately. You say nothing, but keep an open mind. Not everyone has good intentions sadly.

Yeah an I think that’s awful, wouldn’t even enter my mind

I’d have thought that two solicitors would have seen enough divorce, domestic abuse, bankruptcy and estates eaten up by care homes to value their child been married to a hardworking person who really loves them.

My husbands family are very wealthy, I obviously didn’t realise this until we flew over to meet his parents. They offered me money to leave him, which looking back is quite ironic for people concerned I was after money. They also offered him money to leave me if he agreed to them finding him a “a nice wife who wouldn’t cause trouble”.

That poster didn’t say they would assume they were, they said they would worry about it potentially being the case.

Exactly @MrsAmaretto. If you and your children had generational wealth (trust funds, large inheritances, etc.) which meant that you'd never actually struggle to pay bills, it wouldn't be a concern.

It's not really "Hyacinth Bucket", it's survival! No one who's been poor wants to be poor again, it's horrible.

Yeah that’s fine but would you assume if someone is better off then they’re being used by there less well off partner?

I think you are right @1990thatsme. I’d be worried as although now “middle class” with several postgrads and a professional career, I grew up poor in a damp ridden council flat and single mum family. I would not want to risk my children, grandchildren or great children experiencing that. I’m horrified to discover how Hycanith Bucket / Victorian I sound.

I suspect it’s more of a MC thing to be objecting to a child’s partner on the basis of their background or wealth.

@1990thatsme You might be right. If a family has had to work hard to reach a comfortable standard of living, they might be concerned if their child chose a partner who couldn't help them maintain it, IYSWIM. It might mean the difference between being able to buy a house or renting indefinitely, being able to pay all the household bills vs. struggling to do so, etc.

Whereas a wealthy family wouldn't be greatly affected by a lower-earning partner, the investments and family money would still be there.

Curious about this comes from money comment. To me, coming from money would be aristocratic or professional jobs eg doctor, solicitors etc going back generations. But even then people have lost money for all sorts of reasons 😂 Failed business ventures, gambling, substance issues, divorce etc

There are lots of families who had children first go to university in the 70s or later. I'd hope nobody is judging really, background isn't always a great indicator of intelligence, compatibility, success, happiness

But realistically, being poor can be shit. For me, it’s not about being snobby, it’s that I want a nice lifestyle that comes from earning well and having a partner that does too.

Wow how snobby! So you can’t fall in love with a waiter or labourer who works their arse off and anyone who is working class is using someone who is better off? That’s an awful attitude

Torn. On the face of it I would say, how shallow, it’s the person than matters.

However now I have my own son, and I am saving considerably for him to help him in life later on, the idea of someone coming along and ‘taking’ it really irks me. Not to say someone of equal monetary wealth wouldn’t do that anyway.

Hmmm. Would it cross my mind? Yes.

The character of the person matters most as I think it through, typing it. Also the ambition of that person. I don’t care about their earnings but they have to have some drive in them. Someone wanting to be a kept woman, whatever her background, now that wouldn’t be appeal

My DH doesn’t come from the same background as me.

To be honest, my parents weren’t really interested in me marrying another aristocrat, and the family assets are so tied up that they don’t really have to worry about what would happen if we divorced.

They absolutely love him, and get on well with his parents, although we don’t really go in for big family gatherings so they don’t all meet up often.

DH was a bit shocked the first time I brought him home (we met at uni) but he has adapted! I think the only thing he has struggled with a little is that we don’t buy extravagant Christmas and Birthday presents. It’s just a few useful things, often jokey. He didn’t mind until we started a family and he realised the same would apply to the children. That’s the only difference of opinion over background I can think of really.

I don’t work, I have a passive income (and four young children) but DH still works because he enjoys running his business and can always make time for us.

I suspect it’s more of a MC thing to be objecting to a child’s partner on the basis of their background or wealth.