Should I go to this funeral even though some family members wouldn't want me there?

Agree with others, go to the service, give your condolences to your aunt. If your other family members choose to be petty and nasty at a funeral, of all occasions, that really says more about them. Skip the wake.

I’d avoid the funeral and try to catch up with the aunt and cousin a week or so later for a coffee and a reminisce, I think. I wouldn’t want to run the risk of any unpleasantness. I wouldn’t want the funeral to be appearing on any of those, “tell me about your funeral dramas” threads in years to come because I was spotted at the back and something kicked off.

I think what @Arlanymor says. Let your aunt know that you'll go, you very much want to pay your respects and say goodbye to your uncle that you loved very much, but that to avoid trouble you'll slip away and not go to the wake.

I would go, but skip the wake

How do you feel? do you want to go? would you regret it if you didn't?

If the closest people to deceased (widow, children) are happy for you to attend, there are no moral issues about causing additional distress to the closest people so you are good to go if you want to.

If you are concerned about crossing paths with people, wear some dark glasses and a hat, tuck your hair up - not 'in disguise' exactly but unobtrusive. Slip in at the back. In a clear moment afterwards, go to speak to your aunt and her daughter to give your condolences and get out of there.

If this was someone who mattered to you, it would be a shame not to pay your respects because of people who have been vindictive to you. They would be 'winning' by disrupting your decision making. It takes a special kind of arsehole to make a scene at a funeral so it would probably be ok. Wakes are a different matter though because people are drinking, emotional and standing around in close quarters. The wake is more risky unless you are 100% sure the people you are concerned about aren't there.

It does depend on how you feel about funerals, the importance of supporting the deceased's family and showing them that person was loved, the importance to you of the closure and good bye of a funeral. For some people none of this matters. If it doesn't matter to you then a traumatic run in risk with people who distress you may not be worth it.

All things being equal, I'd go if you want to. You are more likely to regret going than not going. Sorry for your loss and condolences to you.

His immediate family want you there so I would go.

Are you parents likely to cause trouble at the actual funeral? If so I’d go in at the last minute, and not go to the wake if you think they’ll kick off

Go to the funeral, give attention to your aunty and ignore them but maybe don’t go to the wake for your own sake

They’d probably talk shit about you for not turning up anyway.

Sorry about your loss. I am sure the aunt that wants you there knows about the situation so I think I would just tell her that I will attend the service, sit at the back, and leave straight after so as to avoid any potential ructions on a sad and hard day.

Nothing will happen at the service and your aunt will appreciate it.
But dont go to the wake...thats just asking for trouble

I think only you know this OP

I think it's complicated in that losing a sibling can be devastating so, rightly or wrongly, your mum is slightly higher up in the pecking order, but your aunt has asked you so you have a very real and legitimate reason to bring they'd

If you can slip in and out the back might be okay, but funerals are weird and I'm not sure it's worth it

I'm so sorry for your loss