For context our 14 year old ND DD has come a long way both academically and regarding her own personal development within the last year or so. We know that and are so very proud. She also had to have a very big operation at the end of last year which was critical for her physical health and she flew through that raising thousands for charity afterwards doing a physical challenge that many she knows didn't even complete with full health. That got her a lot of recognition not only with the charity but the school and rightly so.
Two months ago she met a boy who's based overseas and they became quite close. They speak most days via WhatsApp and he gave her some jewellery she hasn't removed since he presented it to her when the two families met for the final time on said holiday. He's a nice boy and I like him very much. His presence, even though he's overseas, almost seems to have armed her and given her more confidence as well to just deal with life.
Here's the problem. He has a big family celebration happening during half term and he asked her to go. We can manage it. The finances are no problem and the timing basically works though she would have to have part of the first morning back after half term off. It's a ten hour flight away though, so it's not like us popping to France or something.
We said to her she could go if she achieved certain things in four different areas. She has smashed two (one personal and one sport related), one she's doing ok in (getting what they call stars for academics) and one of which she seems to be flailing in - getting her homework done on time (which equally means she's not getting as many stars as she should as clearly the teachers won't give them for work that's late). In addition, every time something isn't handed in on time it's sanctioned (rightly) by the school.
We asked her if there was any more homework outstanding and she lied saying there wasn't but there is. This means that had we not caught it, that would have been another sanction.
I really want to take her on this trip. But she lied. I said no sanctions was the baseline though I know that everyone makes mistakes and they really push them at the school. It's a number of sets of homework a night. There is also a lot of extra curricular stuff they are expected to do as just part of their development. It's very full on with long days and early starts. But where do I draw the line? I have implied to her that she just won't be able to go now. I don't know if I should reasonably enforce that or not. What would you do?