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Original poster

Daughter thinks she likes girls.

21 replies

Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 · 19/09/2026 00:37

My daughter has said she thinks she might like girls. But isn’t sure. I just want to make sure I’m handling it right! I said to her that’s ok and I really don’t mind either way and she never has to feel like she has to ‘come out’ she can just bring anyone that’s important to her home. It doesn’t matter what sex they are. Is that the right thing to say? I don’t want to be dismissive of her feelings or sound like i don’t care. I just really don’t mind!! If she’s happy I’m happy! 😃 what do we think?

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tomblybooo · 19/09/2026 21:00

I think you’ve handled it really well and your dd is lucky to have you as a mom. I’m 36 and sure I’m bi, but I still feel like I couldn’t tell anyone. She’s really brave.

Whered · 19/09/2026 19:56

mellongoose · 19/09/2026 19:50

Let’s not make it an issue. It shouldn’t be an issue. She’s still the same kid. Loved and cherished.

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Nobody is/was making it into an issue. Acknowledging something your child says is not the same as making it into an issue.

mellongoose · 19/09/2026 19:50

Whered · 19/09/2026 18:04

Yes, let's just dismiss our children when they tell us about things that are important to them.

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Let’s not make it an issue. It shouldn’t be an issue. She’s still the same kid. Loved and cherished.

Whered · 19/09/2026 18:04

mellongoose · 19/09/2026 07:41

Smile and say “that’s nice dear” and move on. The less of an issue you make it, the better.

Yes, let's just dismiss our children when they tell us about things that are important to them.

Chiaseedling · 19/09/2026 17:32

It’s fine. My DD is gay, we don’t make a big deal, sometimes have a bit of a laugh together about it (came out at 19ish, 5 years ago). Hasn’t dated a guy for a long time. She said she hadn’t ruled out ever being w a bloke, so you just have to go w the flow! She has had a couple of short relationships - girls can be more complicated than guys - no easier at least, a lot of ghosting and/or over-emoting goes on.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/09/2026 08:27

Just say that's fine love. You don't have to make a binary decision one way or another about who you fancy at any point though but if you only like one sex or another and are sure of that now that's great.

napody · 19/09/2026 08:22

Madamecholetsbonnet · 19/09/2026 08:15

Absolutely the right way to deal with it.

A good friend of mine just couldn’t accept it when her DD told her she was gay. She insisted it was “a trend” “a phase” etc.

It has led to her DD, now 26 and settled with female partner, being fairly estranged from her which is very sad.

I agree.

I have a friend who didn't go this far when her daughter came out but she did respond in a 'see how things pan out, it might stay the same it might change as you grow up' type way. It came across as dismissive and I did ask her to think about how she wouldn't have said anything like that had her daughter told her she had a boyfriend (ie heterosexuality might be a phase).

In your case OP your daughter has said she's perhaps gay but not sure. So I think you handled it perfectly. The only thing I'd say is that although she doesn't HAVE to 'come out', at some point she may choose to and want to have that acknowledged or even celebrated. That's fine too- just carry on following her lead.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 19/09/2026 08:15

Absolutely the right way to deal with it.

A good friend of mine just couldn’t accept it when her DD told her she was gay. She insisted it was “a trend” “a phase” etc.

It has led to her DD, now 26 and settled with female partner, being fairly estranged from her which is very sad.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 19/09/2026 07:57

It sounds like you handled it perfectly OP. Well done.

thestraycathouse · 19/09/2026 07:48

My daughter said she didn’t like boys at about 14. I just said something non commitial.

she is 19 now and had same (first) gf since just turned 16.

the only thing I would say which is probably less applicable at 17 is that her gf was a friend for a couple of months first so stayed over in her room etc like any friend. By the time I realised she was a gf it was a bit late to go back on that whereas if there was a bf he wouldn’t have been staying over in room at 16 - it felt like a bit different standards which it shouldn’t do and may cause challenges when her younger sister reaches that age and wants a bf to stay….

mellongoose · 19/09/2026 07:42

I also like the bit you said about bringing people home. Makes her feel safe and loved. Well done 👍

mellongoose · 19/09/2026 07:41

Smile and say “that’s nice dear” and move on. The less of an issue you make it, the better.

RubyToDosDay · 19/09/2026 07:39

Ive always made it known to my children that as long as they are happy and safe, I would be happy for them to be with whomever they choose, so when my daughter told me she was gay when she was 11, it wasn’t a ‘big deal’. What you’ve said sounds great, OP. I wouldn’t ask specifically about it again - let her lead the conversations from here and just be interested and supportive when she does.

Original poster
Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 · 19/09/2026 06:55

Thanks all. I don’t think she knows for sure yet I just want her to know that it’s fine either way. This parenting lark is never easy is it!

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Original poster
Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 · 19/09/2026 06:54

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 19/09/2026 00:45

Is she 5, 15, 25?

She is 17

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Original poster
Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 · 19/09/2026 06:54

AlwayAnxious · 19/09/2026 00:41

Oh ffs

What?

OP posts:
jenkles · 19/09/2026 00:52

@AlwayAnxious that's unnecessary

I didn't want my mum to make a big deal about it. She was awkward when i told her. It made me cringe. I think from this point just treat any partner the same girl or boy, just make it feel normal. You can ask questions such as how do you feel about telling grandpa etc normal casual conversation.

Oh and turns out i'm straight!

hotmumshit · 19/09/2026 00:47

Sounds fine to me op xx

BibbityBoppityTwo · 19/09/2026 00:46

Sounds like you’ve handled it perfectly to me. I think this response is appropriate for any age.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 19/09/2026 00:45

Is she 5, 15, 25?

AlwayAnxious · 19/09/2026 00:41

Oh ffs

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