I have a brother who is a bit older than me; he is now 48, I’m 46. Of course I do care about him and while I’m aware it’s horrible if someone gave me a button to press and he simply wouldn’t exist anymore I am confident I would, without so much as a second thought.
He is autistic without a shadow of a doubt but since he was born at the end of the 1970s there wasn’t as much known about it and also there was some denial from my mum (I think when his lack of speech was raised as a concern it was done in an accusatory way but of course I can’t know!) We had various struggles growing up, it was always hard being known as X’s sister but nothing major. Our mum died when we were teenagers and he majorly went off the rails then, flunked his a levels but still went to university on a bit of a technicality then failed there so went to a different university, struggled there but managed to get a degree, tried various things and courses and eventually qualified as a nurse - looking back I can’t think of a profession less suited to him! He was suspended from the nursing register a couple of years later but then after three years or so got back on it. He got a job as a nurse but was suspended from it for nearly two years before being dismissed. So that was the period from 2010-2020. He then went to university to do another qualification which took him until 2023, much angst and hospital stays and stress and he passed but no job has come of it, he’s worked as a nurse again but been dismissed again and referred to the regulatory body again (I think this is the fifth time.) Every time this happens it sort of consumes him, he becomes absolutely obsessed with it and sends endless long emails to his MP and solicitors and anyone he can get to listen and sends them to me asking me to read them and what do I think …
I honestly just wish the NMC would strike him off and have done with it, but I can’t really say that.
The problem is as I get older I just seem to have less and less patience and kindness with him. Increasingly I find his messages irritating and I resent even reading them. I am bored to tears with this longstanding battle he’s locked himself in and I want to say honestly that he shouldn’t be anywhere near vulnerable people. I can help in a practical sense up to a point but emotionally I’m just done. It’s a terrible thing to say but I just wish he didn’t exist and I could live my life in peace. I sometimes imagine what a life I could have known without him!