How did you sensitive young mums navigate this? There seems to be two groups of school mums, one group mogs me with their lifestyle the other group are very difficult to talk to?

How old are you? I was a younger mum for my first and am average age for my youngest (not as young as you were) which has made things a lot easier. Things seem to even out a lot once you're in your 30s+.

What do they talk about that you don’t understand? I have friends plus/minus 20yrs to my age. We talk about anything and everything. I have friends that have more money than me and less money than me, again, it doesn’t limit our conversation. It seems a bit odd that you’re putting people in rich/poor/young/old boxes.

I think there are two separate issues here.

1. it is good to have friends.
2. it is useful to exchange surface level pleasantries with other parents at pickup, so that you can call yourselves acquaintances. It's nice to chat briefly, plus useful if you need to know something about the class, or need to lift share in an emergency.

I would focus on point 2 in terms of the school pickup. Just say hi, ask them how their day has been, comment on the weather, ask if their child is going on the school trip. Just be friendly. Their wealth or dramatic personalities are not relevant. If you chat to them all you might warm to one or two of them, or you might not.

Separately, think about where best to make friends for your own sake. What are you into? How can you find like minded people? You like walking/craft/beauty? Or think of something you might like to try? Playgroups can be good too.

But that's OK is what I'm saying. Why would you have anything in common with them just because they have children and so do you?
Try and focus on friendships forged on mutual enjoyments, opinions, character etc. not just at the school gate.

I think you need to look at why you have no friends at all? Does that mean that you don't value friendships if you have never made the effort to have friends? Or did you make friends with the wrong people? The other parents at your kid's school probably have friends outside of school already and the people they speak to when picking up their kids are just acquaintances. I'm a dog owner and have got to know quite a few people just from walking my dog and running into the same people many times each week. They are kind of the same type of acquaintances. We only know each other because our dogs like each other. Very few of those people have become lasting friends, i think maybe 3 in the 14 years I have had dogs. The others have drifted away when one of us moved or a dog dies etc.

What you need is real profound friendships that are based around you, not your children. Those friendships have a much higher chance of lasting. It sounds like you have just become mum and wife, you need to get your own identity back. The person you are when you are not with your family.

I never bothered with the petty dramas at the school gates when my kids were at school, dropped them off, picked them up. Didn't engage with other parents. I was no big deal to me to have friends and it still isn't.

I’m probably also the equivalent of one of the first group of mums that you mention OP, but like other posters I don’t go around judging others’ level of wealth and deciding whether they can be my friend. I can be quite preoccupied though with work / health / kid issues / life, so probably do gravitate towards people I already know, if I have a few minutes on the school run.

My tips for building rapport with people are be positive, and be interested in them. Even tiny things like commenting on liking their DC’s coat can be a way in.

I also wouldn’t position it to yourself as trying to break into a group. Firstly, they might not even be a group - a snapshot of what you see doesn’t necessarily reflect what is really going on. But if they are in fact a tight group, it’s setting yourself a high bar to try to become a “member” - I’d focus on just striking up the odd conversation with individual people as and when.

They have probably known each other for years if their children are the same age and they did antenatal or baby classes together. Did you not do any of these, OP? Your life sounds so tiny with no friends and no means to get yourself out and about independently. How come you left school without any friends? How have you become so isolated? Assume your children haven’t had much interaction with others before they start school either.

I hated it, felt like all my private girls school friendship insecurities all over again 😩

By the time DS3 moved schools in year 4 i had 10 years of playground politics under my belt, and had honed my strategy.
don’t worry about the cliques, your DCs friendships don’t dictate yours, recognise who you would be friends with ‘in real life’
3 of the friends I made then are still close 11 years on, irrespective of our son’s path in life

I’m not sure its really so much a lifestyle thing as a different people thing, is it? Unless all you talk about are the things you spend money on, which is not a person I’ve really encountered much of, I’m not sure how it’s coming up so much? We have I suppose “nice” cars, we have friends who have much more expensive cars than we do, we have a friend who rides a motorbike, we have friends who don’t drive and never have. It doesn’t impact the friendships and I certainly don’t decide my friends based on their transport. Same with holidays/houses, I don’t decide who to be friends with based on any of those things. Is it possible that it is you who feels inferior and are projecting that onto social situations?

I have 5 dc well spaced out age wise so I spent a lonnnng time doing the various school runs. I have been the youngest mum on the school run, and the oldest. There always seemed to be two groups, friendly yet superior, and suspicious and rather bitchy, I always said a cheery hello to everyone I encountered, never joined either group, and never made (or hoped to make) friends but found them friendly enough. Then i started childminding and took my mindees to the same school for about 5 years and discovered that neither group want to speak to you if you are a minder rather than a mum. There are unseen layers to this stuff!

Maybe get a life outside the school? Why do parents make the school their life

I'm well off but haven't always been, I absolutely don't judge people who don't go on flashy holidays etc. I'd be very sad if someone felt they couldn't be friends with me because I have a bigger house.

I have made some friends at the school gates. Mainly the parents of children my child likes too. I consider them friends but probably wouldn't stay in touch if one of us moved away. I found it easier to make friends this way, one on one, than in a group. The parents I'm friendly with tend to have similar parenting approaches to me rather than age being a factor.

I also have friends through a hobby, where most people are significantly younger than me. One girl in her 20s who I viewed as a friend turned out to view me like her Mum though and thus never invited me to anything!

What happened? Obviously not " Mein Kampf".
Lately at work I have been discussing " Yesteryear" with people.
Probably need to google what " mogging" means.

It's a stupid manosphere incel concept meaning that someone is deliberately putting you down by being better/richer/better looking than you.

I used to stand in the playground and mind my own business. If I saw the parent of a friend of DS I would smile and say hi. If anyone wanted to stop and chat I would chat but I didn't care if they didn't. You don't need to hang out with anyone on the playground. You're just there to pick up your child. Make your friends through work or hobbies and forget about 'mogging' - that's a ridiculous concept.

Yes all of this

Sigh. Until you are diagnosed autustic please stop thinking of yourself as such. It will only get in your way.

Can you discuss books, tv shows, music, sports.. None of these require money.

You are being self-absorbed, jealous and judgmental. I find it difficult to believe that absolutely everyone in these groups is as awful as you suggest. Perhaps stop navel gazing and actually try to get to know them if you are looking for friendship.