AIBU to not tell my DH I’ve never orgasmed with him (or anyone else)?

I just want you to know you’re not alone. I’m late 40s and dealing with this now (although I’m single). I’m terrified but realised if I stand any chance of making a relationship work I have to work on being honest first.

This thread is really interesting.

OP I have never managed to have an orgasm while having penetrative sex with a man.

However I can easily do so if I masturbate or use a vibrator.

I think that so many men are just rubbish at foreplay and completely bypass seduction. Too many just take their cues from porn and think that penetrative sex is the only goal/way to have sex. They also don't react well when you tell them this is just not working for you...

One of the many reasons I have stopped dating all together.

However you might have a good man who will appreciate your honesty and I think you should really talk to him about this.

I can’t tell you how much this thread has helped me. I actually feel a bit emotional. For so long I’ve thought I was an anomaly, it’s not something I’ve ever told anyone. It’s come at a time when I’ve really been working through my feelings about sex and relationships as well, so thank you, it’s made me feel less of a freak.

Spent 6 years with my ex, never orgasmed. Wasn’t a great relationship to be honest.
First time I came I was on my own ;-)
Once I learnt what worked for me, I could introduce that when I had sex (always in relationships as would feel too vulnerable in a ONS situation).

Unfortunately menopause has really caused a nosedive - things are so uncomfortable most of the time and the thought of then having to deal with a UTI (despite taking precautions to prevent one) kind of puts me off!

You’re not alone. It took me until my mid 40s, post divorce, to learn, on my own. I was single a very long time and the vibrator was my friend. I’m now in a new relationship and happily have found someone who I can be completely uninhibited with.

This thread doesn't surprise me actually and is a big reason I teach sex ed. How many women, let alone men, know the actual shape of the clitoris? That it's made from erectile tissue? That the g spot is just the back of the clitoris?

There are apps like omgyes that will educate you, quite graphically.

Most people are capable of orgasm. Understanding the human body is the first step.

I think orgasms are massively overrated IMHO. I can only do it using a vibrator, and even then it's very quick.

I've probably only had an orgasm with my DH maybe twice in the 20 years we've been together, and always with a vibrator.

I hate oral sex, hate giving blowjobs, I only like missionary really. Maybe I'm broken, or maybe it's just me. Who knows.

I would not necessarily say you’ve never but I would go along the lines of, let’s try something new and put yourself out there. Don’t be afraid to tell
him what feels good. You’ve been together 8 years, not 8 weeks.

wand vibrator, small rechargeable on Amazon, around £20. I could never get DW there from PIV, so I bought one for her to try and it worked in 30 seconds 😆We've now been using one every time during sex for maybe 8 years or so. I can try my best but I just can't replicate what it does for her. I would recommend talking to your DH, he sounds like the type of guy who will take no offence and absolutely no bloke would be happy knowing their partner wasn't getting there, I'd just say 'Dave I'd love to try one of these next time' and then just buy it and try.
Good luck!

They aren’t overrated if you get it right

Don’t get how anyone could hate oral

Never faked it once

Has it never occurred to you that everyone is different? Or are you assuming that you're the definition of 'normal'?

Never faked it why would? If it doesn't work for me he knows about it

It's alright to hate oral! We're all different. No-one should be made to feel less or abnormal for their preferences. We like what we like.
I have been lucky. I can orgasm just by thinking about it so every sexual encounter has finished in orgasm for me. But I hate oral. Does not make me weird. It makes me me.

Each to his/her own.

To the OP I would say there is no need to say that you have never orgasmed with him to your OH because he might feel deceived as men think this is the main aim and perhaps do not understand that for many women the pleasure is in the closeness and the build up can be fun too. But you could say there are new things you would be interested in trying some other things.

No I don’t think I’m normal because I have never faked it!

There is no way orgasms are over rated. That said orgasms through using a vibrator are quite often too quick and not as intense in my experience. Your own fingers are much better I think and the orgasm lasts so much longer, ime anyway.

You could present this as a more recent issue you’ve been having if you’re uncomfortable owning up to the whole 8 years.