AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

Same! Even if I couldn’t or didn’t want to or worked all day, I’d reply something like “That’s a lovely idea! Sounds great! First few weeks are a little busy for me with school starting at the moment but let’s have a chat some point this month and we’ll sort something out!” It’s vague and non-committal for an instant meet up but still pleasant and acknowledges/is grateful for the invite/would be open to meeting in the future.

You have nothing at all to feel embarrassed out. It’s completely normal to want to make some connections with other parents, and asking on a class WhatsApp group if anyone wants to go for a coffee is a completely normal way to do this. Even if no one ends up responding (I think someone will), then that’s still in no way any reflection on you. It’s common for people to suggest things like this in my (multi!) class WhatsApp groups- you honestly don’t need to feel any embarsssment. More odd on them if not a soul responds!

Can’t believe the snotty people on here who think this is ok. Even if I couldn’t go I’d still reply to you. So rude.

Ah dont delete. Such a shame nobody replied

at my school, loads would have said yes. Ok so people work but most have leave booked for that first week of reception

It’s my first day back to routine. I work full time, I have 5 billion WhatsApp messages come through every day (not super popular, just the groups tend to stack up!). Don’t delete it, they aren’t being rude, they are just busy.

def don’t delete it. I think you’re so good to ask everyone.
hopefully people will reply -maybe in person at the school gate.

I didn’t go on any coffee dates with school mum’s until there’d been a few parties, a few months of chatting on the school run. Bumping in to each other at swimming lessons. Then it sort of happens naturally ‘fancy a coffee tomorrow’ etc. Don’t worry, it’ll happen - as others have said those first few weeks are hectic!

The way I do this is to agree to go out with one person in the group check with them they want a big meet up then post saying “ x and I are going to be here at this time if anyone wants to join”. Then you have been inclusive but if no one else comes it doesn’t matter you meet that one person.

I agree
the first week back everyone is getting back into a routine I’m sure someone will msg back.

"How do others get close with the parents in their kids classes? I know a couple from before as our kids were in nursery so I’ve had a few play dates individually but I was trying to get to know the group as a whole and not leave anyone out"

You don't get close with them necessarily. You talk like it's a given that it should happen but I'm not interested in making friends at school because I already have friends and anyone with the mindset that we all have to get close would rub me up the wrong way. The idea that we all have be a big group not leaving anyone out would send me running too, there's no way everyone in a class is going to like eachother. Big groups like that when people don't really know and trust eachother are a recipe for drama. Just make friends the old fashioned way over time, it doesn't have to be some big close knit group, lots of people hate that.

I wouldn’t want to commit to a coffee with someone I didn’t know just in case you ended up not really being my cup of tea and then I’d be unable to shake you off.

Different story if we started saying hello on school run, then small talk, then natural progression to being more friendly.

I wouldn’t be able to anyway due to work, I’d imagine most of them will be in a similar position

edited to add please don’t feel embarrassed! It has happened to me before, and seems to happen semi regularly in our class WhatsApp group.

Everyone probably thinks you’re super sociable and they are too shy to be the first one to reply so they’re waiting for someone else to first!
Don’t delete it, that would be worse.
Also don’t stress… no-one could think anything negative about you over this - it just shows you’re a nice, friendly person.

Don't delete. Follow it up with "thanks to all those who reached out for a coffee. Thinking of going to cafe x on Saturday. Send me a DM if you want to meet up so we can arrange a time"

Sorry you've not had any replies, that nut feels rubbish. I'd be like you checking my phone every 2mins for a reply.
If I got your message, even if I couldn't make it (I probably couldn't I work full time) I would still reply saying hope we could catch up another time.

It really isn’t for most people. How is messaging someone ‘shenanigans’. Honestly, if you’re thinking about dramas due to one message about meeting for a coffee there is a huge chance that you’re the drama.

I have just finished school runs after 9 years (my second child is year 5 and can finally walk alone) and in that time I have been friends with other parents (and remain so) even when kids falls out as they do.

Sometimes peole don't want to be the first to respond...
Maybe contact the mums you already know from nursery and make firm plans with at least one of them, then post an update saying "X & I are going to be at this cafe after drop-off on this day, feel free to join us".

They are all really rude OP, it’s not you.

I hated it when this happened to me, it was mortifying, and tbh I don’t suggest things on that particular group chat anymore!

Tbh if I saw that I wouldn’t want to respond because I’d find it high pressure to meet up with someone from the what’s app group 1:1. If others responded I’d feel better about responding. But that would be due to my social issues it wouldn’t be about you.

I once asked in the group chat if anyone fancied soft play that afternoon at local centre. Only to realise that my DS and whole class had been invited to a party at same soft play centre that afternoon that I had completely overlooked 😳

I would have replied and said that, that it would have been great but I have to work.

I couldn’t leave someone on read in a group chat.

Yeah don't delete it. It's a super busy/stressful time of year and they likely are thinking they will get back to you later.

It only takes one to say yes and you can have a coffee and hopefully start a friendship.
There's another thread about friendships on here at the moment.
School mums are a great place to start so don't give up.
X

Oh well.m done OP, that's a brave thing to do & horrible when it falls a bit flat.

But I think you may get a response or two in real-life tomorrow and you've opened the gates to show you're up for social meet ups which might grease the wheels.

All will be well.

Yeah don’t delete! We had lots of meet ups like that when our kids started school. I’m sure someone will reply. Also the suggestion above about arranging a friend and then saying you’re going to x place and does anyone want to come is also useful if no one does x

That's so lovely of you!

I would assume it was aimed at non working mums (or people with nicer shifts than mine) so wouldn't be able to take you up on the offer so maybe others have the same problem