AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

I would have gone for a coffee with you!! Fuck em all for not even giving you a thumbs up or a sorry it doesn’t suit this time.

You sent it in the afternoon. Give people a chance to look at their work calendars this morning.

You’re making this way too high-stakes, OP. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Don’t delete it. Make a coffee plan with one of the parents you already know, and post ‘Stephanie and I are having coffee after drop-off on Friday at X — anyone else is very welcome to join us.’

Definitely don’t delete it, you’ve done nothing wrong! Honestly they’re a bit rude for not responding, I imagine your message got lost for a lot of people in the rush of the morning but still doesnt take much to say “nice idea but can’t make it sorry”.

That's the kind of invitation that people will respond 'yes' to if they can go but won't say 'no thanks' if they can't or don't want to. Also don't overthink it. You don't need to 'get close to these women'. It sounds like you are all perfectly civil and your DD has had playdates, honestly, that's enough. What about friends who are not mums in the school? I'm friends with a few mums from when DS was in primary, but those friendships developed organically overtime because we had things in common.

Why not tag along with the other class? We have a friend in our group from another class because her lot are not socialable

Sometimes it's more awkward to reply with no and then explain the reason, particularly in front of a group. And they can get away with not replying because there's other people on the group and not direct to one person. It's unlikely to be anything personal. Most likely people haven't got time, the message has been missed or they aren't interested in going/ would find it awkward, but I doubt it's because they dislike you for any particular reason.

Well my youngest in last year of school and I see my “school mum”friends pretty much every few days! Brunches / drinks / nights out. Kids no longer friends but we all are. So it’s definitely worth making the effort.

Don’t delete it. Someone may reply privately or face to face. I’ve had group messages seemingly go unanswered, but they’ve been addressed one to one rather than in the group.

About 20 of us met for coffee yesterday morning.

How rude. I will say that my WhatsApp is blowing up nowadays so I think lots of people read and ignore as there's too much going on.

I think you should have suggested a day and time rather than a vague ‘one day after drop off’ - that is passing the mental load on so everyone has to think about what meetings or commitments they have each day rather than thinking ‘Am I free on Friday at 9am’.

If I saw that message I’d give it a ❤️ or 👍 and wait for the organiser to clarify what day.

Don't delete it as it's early days with first week back . I expect some other mums have to go directly to work, or have other drop offs at other schools for different age children, so can't meet up? Maybe keep an eye out at school gate for those dressed for work and or rushing off without chatting vto work out whose more likely to be able to meet up.

If you didn't suggest an actual venue add the name of your suggested cafe .just in case it was construed as expecting another mum to volunteer to host a coffee morning. Maybe also suggest meeting up for an hour, rather than some people thinking it's all morning meet up

It's not you. . People have busy lives, but it was a bit rude not to decline if they can't make it.

Forget it, move on.

People were busy when you sent it and now it's a bit of a stand off as nobody wants to be the first to reply as they're a bit embarrassed nobody has.
This sort of thing has happened to me and it's easy to get paranoid but take comfort in the fact they don't know you so it's not like they're doing it because they dislike you.

I also think some parents are worried they'll be the only one to respond and will be stuck in an awkward 1:1 coffee meet up.

My advice is play it cool now, keep the conversation to in-person small talk. Chat when you see them at the gates, don't bring it up. I'm sure someone else will bring it up now that you've put the idea out there. It can sometimes feel like an audition or performance in a group chat where everyone is seeing social interactions play out which adds to the feeling of embarrassment.
Well done for putting yourself out there. Group chats are such a weird environment and so different to in person. Nobody would dream of ignoring the suggestion in person.

Keep the group chat to school relevant stuff and build up the relationships in person.

Good luck OP. You're going to be with this group for 7 years, plenty of time to know if there'll be any friendships.

Out of interest, two form entry, but classes of 12 and 13 is highly unusual for a state school, is it private? Usually this means a larger 'catchment' (although they don't exist anymore in many places), and so parents may be shooting off after drop off, or have longer trips home than the infant branch.

I also think many WhatsApp groups are developing a culture of 'nil responses not required', which IMO is usually good, as it means you won't end up with 13 'no sorry' replies to 'Has anyones child brought home Will's jumper by mistake', which clutters the chat.
The others are probably busy with work (in spite of you thinking most don't work, you may find lots work remotely or part time), looking after other kids, pre existing plans and generally dealing with the chaos of back to school time. If it's only the second day back, people often need a chance to settle into new routines and such before adding extras in. Maybe give it a couple of week and try again, or join in with the other class, or join the PTA and make some parent friends from other classes.

In a group I’m in messages such as this or notices often get buried with holiday snaps, pictures of cats etc.

Many just read the bottom messages and don’t scroll back.

Sometimes I’ll read a message meaning to reply later but forget and then the message is buried with cats etc and I don’t see my prompt.

I would pop another message up the night before your next day off and say something like

hi everyone, just to say I am going to be nipping into central perk (insert name of cafe) on (Madison Avenue) tomorrow after drop off . If you fancy a latte I’ll be there until about 9.30.

They might say something toyou when they next see! You were so brave and I think you should be so proud of yourself xx

You cannot get to know everyone though! Some will work, have other things on and many won’t know you. I’d just keep going with arranging play and join the pta. I never expected to have coffee with anyone! 29 mums is too many really for coffee but at least you tried.

Oh no, please don’t do that. It would look soooo obvious.

This happened to me on the antenatal group chat but later a couple of the mum's messaged me to meet up at other times. There's no need to be embarrassed, it's a good thing that you put yourself out there and you don't know what could come of it

Hi OP

I have two kids in primary school, in one class loads of the parents seem genuinely nice and friendly, just 'normal',, although I don't think they meet up as a group that often as kids are always in clubs etc. In the other class some of the boy parents do things together but most of the parents avoid any conversation, we all stand separately and look at our phones. Juat different dynamics and its no one's fault.

You tried and putting yourself out there was the hard part, you've done nothing wrong so please try not to worry. It's probably a combination of one has a yoga class they have to run to, one has work commitments, one already had plans with friends, one volunteers, one has depression and doesn't want to socialise, one has anxiety in crowds, one mum hates one of the others, one is having an affair and had a hotel room booked (joke) etc.

If the other class meets more often I'd actually ask your friend if you can tag along. It's good to know people from other classes imo, if your child falls out with anyone in her class it's good to have someone neutral to do a playdate with, i have found you end up meeting the same people at kids hobbies etc and it's good to already know someone, and it's useful when your kid goes to secondary school as they might end up in a class with someone who was in a different class at primary.

I think you should be hugely proud of yourself for having reached out! And even if no one replies now, it will come into play in the future. You’ll be talking to someone and they’ll remember the text and suggest a coffee. You’ve created a bigger possibility for these things to happen and that’s a brilliant and brave thing to have done!