AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

^^ agreed
People can be funny. It could be for loads of reasons they didn’t reply or they could just all be knobs, who knows. You were brave and open. Hopefully someone takes you up on the offer. I personally wouldn’t be able to do a lot of meet ups with a school mum but if our kids were in the same class and I didn’t have concerns about you / child then I’d definitely try work around my work and have a coffee at least

Have the Halloween party- it sounds fun! You will then have a wider chance to meet with other parents and chat with them and probably have a coffee date or two after that.

I am exactly the same and it would take me a lot of courage to send a message like that. It won't be about you, rather that everyone is busy with things. Leave the message up and people might respond in time, if they don't, their loss!

You got nearly 200 replies on mumsnet 😆

But seriously, ever since I turned 40 or so, I really wouldn’t care.
You tried, they ignored it (nobody is too busy to reply with a simple yes or no), and they were rude.

Thst said, some of them probably will reply. I’m in lots of different groups, and most people take a few days to respond

I don't think you've failed, OP. You've made one attemot to reach out. 🤷‍♀️
I also don't think you need to be blase about your offer if it gets mentioned. Just say you're wanting some adult chat when you get a break from the kids and get to know some other mums. There's nothing weird about that.
If you see any of the mums at drop off and you introduce yourselves just say, I'm the one who messaged getting together for coffee if any is interested sometime. And leave it at that. Make pleasant, brief, small talk until you can establish what everyone is like.

This is a good invitation, but I think if I were you, I'd leave it now OP and let someone else step up.

If you are already feeling ignored, you will only feel worse if they ignore that too.

Just leave your previous suggestion sitting open as it is. I feel it is kind of ball in their court now.

Maybe suggest the park after school one day - word it as

be lovely to meet up before the weather gets bad . Who fancies going to the park after school one day next week - can anyone do a Wed or Fri ?

obv if you can only do certain days then put what days you can do and often a fri works well as no school next day

I agree with going with the other class if yours aren't friendly.

There's a group from the other class of my youngest that always meet at my local cafe every Friday. I started hanging out with them even though our kids weren't particularly friendly and it's been nice just to have some local mum friends who always had a consistent plan. This was probably around Y3/4 too, and now all our kids are going into Y10, we still have Friday coffee.

My eldest child had friends who were all the youngest siblings and weren't really interested in making new friends, and I didn't really gel with the parents of my youngest's friends so it was nice to have someone else to chat too.

Don't let other people's behaviour make you doubt your own OP.

What you did was perfectly friendly and normal. You did the right thing for your child in looking to be sociable with the school parents.

They are either busy or rude, there aren't really other explanations, but it is most likely just busy.

Just hold your head high and continue being the normal, unaffected mum. Don't delete it or say anything like "oh I was worried I'd done the wrong thing." Just let their behaviour hold the space.

You have possibly stepped on the toes of some busy-body who considers herself the Whats App coffee co-ordinator or some childish nonsense, but don't let that bother you: the other mums will privately find it funny if that's the case. I would!

I would arrange things with the children first, the summer picnic sounds like a good idea, you then get to meet the parents the children okay and if there are any you click with you see if they want to go for coffee etc. Most mums at DS' school work so trying to get in anything social is very difficult

Don't delete it. Be breezy. If anyone mentions it to you, reply with "oh I forgot about that! Yes sure when would be good for you?" Or "oh it's such a busy time isn't it? We'll work something out when convenient"

I've moved around a lot and have sometimes found that when establishing a new social group, you might need to put more in than you get out to start with. Don't take it to heart, as others have said you were brave to put the message out there - I bet some of the other mums wouldn't dare!

TBH I think that by y3 most school gate friendships are already established. And the reality is that while parents do make friends at the school gates, those friendships are usually purely by virtue of the kids being friends and the parents having that in common. Few school gate friendships last once the kids start going to school on their own.

I moved out of an area where I’d made loads of friends at the school gate to a new area where DC was in y4 and we knew no-one. And never really got to know anyone except one parent. Because they all already knew each other and had their established friendship groups.

Although I’m bloody glad WhatsApp wasn’t a thing when mine was at school, these school mum WhatsApp groups sound a nightmare from what I read on here, and just another way to make people feel isolated.

No wonder you're exhausted, awake so early. My experience at a state primary was no different from the one you're having now. I don't think it's unique to private schools. Not pleasant but try not to let it get to you, and try not to think 'private', because it's just a school and developing a 'thing' about it will only make it feel worse.

When this happened to me I followed it up a day later with a gif of a tumbleweed lol

OP, my DC joined a state school in year 3 and I put a similar WhatsApp in the group to zero responses! Was mortified too. I have ended up very good friends with a small group who invited me after a short while to drinks/coffee dates. They were just not the reply to all type of people but I also think there were some mums who had already found their tribe and weren’t looking to meet newbies. Give it time and continue to engage with the mums you already know. Don’t worry about the other class either. They are unlikely to socialise as a big group for long.

I wonder if working fathers and mothers haven’t replied because they don’t want to establish a schism at the start of the new term, between those that can attend social events during the working week and those that can’t. DC was at a London independent school and the vast majority of parents worked so socialised after pick up from play dates or an occasional dinner. I would now expect to see increasing number of dads on the school run, so would need to invite them too.

"Mental load"? Really?? 🙄🙄

Honestly not embarrassing at all. On our class WhatsApp people post all sorts of suggestions. Sone get picked up and some don't. Just depends what suits. I think where you went wrong was being vague about the day as it feels like you wanted someone else to take charge of the organising. I think if you send a follow up saying, well I'll be heading to X cafe after dropping my kid on Monday, anyone welcome to join, you'd have a few takers on the day.

Agree with this. Your message was completely normal, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and if people haven't replied it's because they are busy and just not seeing it as a big thing/they'll reply later/they're waiting for the follow-up message saying what the plan is.

Easier all round to make a definite plan and then throw it open to the wider group (making sure the person you made the plan with is happy with this first)- then people have something they can actually say yes or no to.

Why didn't you put in your original post that your kid is y3 and it is a private school where mums don't work and just lunch all day? Your replies would be very different!! By y3 state or private I imagine you know who you do and don't want to spend time with, so it's probably they aren't that fussed about coffee with you as harsh as that sounds. Surely you have existing friends to hang out with if you don't work, or just go with people from the other class? Why do you desperately need to be friends with these people?

Yes! Don't kidnap Stephanie!

....and check with Stephanie first....

If I saw that response though I'd be thinking- what does that mean is it a yes? Then I'd not know whether to respond...!
That's why I think in person is much better. You have the body language, tone of voice, etc.

Leave it and try again a bit later. There are far too many things to do at this time of the year! Exchange greetinhs at the gates, that will build some rapport. And go from there. By October, they will be replying and meeting up.