So upset and confused

I think your diagnosis is causing you to think the worst. Your DS will be fine, in an emergency there wouldn't be anything you could do, whether it happened in Liverpool, Southampton or Dusseldorf, so please try not to worry. I think you are trying to difuse your own stress by putting it into another situation.

Concentrate on yourself. You've got enough to think about over the next few months without worrying about your (young) adult son, let him take care of himself. And good luck with your treatment.

He might have had his phone stolen. I’d message him. I never ever share travel details with family though. That’s a bit odd that you do

Train and plane rhyme, you could easily misshear one for the other. No ones getting from Southampton to Liverpool in an hour, unless they're travelling by plane instead of train.

I would definitely check his location to see where he is!

I'm sorry about your diagnosis.
I'm sure this is feeding into your concerns over your family.

I hope this makes you feel better but plenty of young people go abroad without tips on safety from their parents and also without insurance. And they make it back home absolutely fine.

Even if you had known beforehand, would he even had taken on board any tips or info you gave him? I suspect not.

He's spreading his wings, his way.

My dd went solo travelling a load of times and I worried every single time, but I understood it was her life and I had no right to have a day in any of it.

So my anxiety was my own issue to manage.

Hope you find some answers soon.

Has he maybe had his phone stolen?? (Sorry about your diagnosis OP, and for the record I’d feel the same if I had a 19 yr old that done this)

So was his course an hour away or in Liverpool?

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you get to the bottom of things with your son.

Why will his dad "hit the roof " ?

the course is only about an hour from where he lives.

He told me his course is in Liverpool. He lives in Southampton

I’m confused about your above two statements @upsetmum8888 .

Was he at Southampton airport or somewhere else?

Honestly, you can tell that some of you haven't had a 19 year old son!

Yes, he's an adult, over 18, could have fought in the war etc etc... but it's bloody scary and worrying when they first start doing stuff like this. Especially if they've kept it a secret 🙄🤣

All 4 of ours are older now, but letting go like this is one of the hardest parts of parenting, imo.

It will probably be fine, OP. Families don't always share plans and sometimes young people want a taste of doing something without their parents knowledge. Hopefully he'll be back soon, and meanwhile his brother can see where he is.

It’s sad he’s lied to you (if he has). Maybe explore that with him face to face in confidence.

You could always ask his brother to check his location again in a couple of days so you know what country he’s in at least.

I’m sorry you are worried. I think that’s the normal reaction rather than those saying you are over reacting and he’s grown. This is the same forum that if you ask what age is it ok to leave a child home alone , some posters will say they’ve never left their 16yr old on their own, to go food shopping. Or - no you cannot leave a 17yr old home alone overnight!!
I hope you hear from him soon xx

There is no 'dobbing in'.

She told her 16 year old to track him and so she can tell the 19 year old that.

The OP is just creating another problem by not doing that.

The 16 year old has done nothing wrong and I'm sure his brother will see that, especially as the OP says they're close.

But she’s made it clear why she’s not interfering. She’s left a message but doesn’t want to break her younger son’s trust to dob him in for tracking his brother.

You can be worried but also be aware of boundaries and unsure when and where and why they should be broken.

I know there’s been many times in my life where I’ve wk deemed how to do right for doing wrong.

You need to ask yourself why he deliberately kept it from you and why his brother felt the need to lie to you.

But ask yourself honestly.

Oh have a heart. He's only 19 and the woman's worried. Gove it a rest will you. 19 isnt an adult. 19 is a twit.

It’s not the going abroad that’s the problem - he’s 19, he’s quite capable. It’s deliberately keeping this from his mother with whom he spoke at length last night. That’s not an oversight, it’s a choice.

I don’t think you need to worry overly, statistically nothing terrible will happen to him. Don’t say anything further. See what happens when he gets back and if/when he mentions it. If he never does, you’ll have learned something about him - but then you have to be extra vigilant about the rest of his life. In all likelihood it’s a lads’ trip of the sort you don’t appreciate. That wouldn’t be a terrible outcome. But it could be something else entirely, something more concerning. Keep an eye out for company he’s keeping, money he’s spending, ideas he’s spewing.

Another huge issue is whether or not you tell his dad. To know your joint son has behaved so out of character AND know that his dad would go ballistic, and not tell him…I don’t know that I could keep that secret. Maybe you can enlist his dad is keeping a watchful eye on him?