Is it ever right to choose a partner over kids?

Interesting

Taken at face value, its absolutely no different to the advice constantly given on this forum about family dynamics where people are advised to correct other family members, put them in their place, give them what for, 'tell them off' for all intents and purposes.

People are advised on here to tell off other adults all the time.

Theres definitely a back story. OP for what its worth I would put my kids before absolutely anyone, including their Dad. They have one Mum, me, and its my job to put them first always. Partners may come and go.

Who does he think he is telling off another adult?

I wouldn’t be wanting contact with him, either. If he’s like that with them, they’re possibly wondering what he’s like with you behind closed doors.

I don’t really believe it’s this one instance alone, OP. I’m guessing there was an already strained relationship between your kids and DP?

Not sure I would call that mucking around.

Hmmm all doesn’t quite add up.

Either neither child has liked him for a while and this is the excuse they need. Maybe they don’t think he treats you well or has offensive views.

Or the incident was much much worse than you’re admitting and they feel you’re ignoring the harm caused and they feel they have no choice but to cease contact with you.

You’ll know the truth. We know the very little you’re sharing.

Yes, I'm not surprised you're looking at no contact.

Once again it depends on why he told her off and what he said to her. I mean he probably was out of line but what he actually said makes a big difference to.

I can't imagine a scenario where I would choose a partner over my adult children. I've been married to their dad for 36 years and I wouldn't choose him over them!

I can't believe your children would react like this over one 'mucking about' incident. I would assume that they were not keen on your partner before this and only put up with him for your benefit.

Yes , if you won’t say what happened can you provide details of what their relationship was like prior to this incident, was this the final straw for your children or completely out of the blue and based entirely of this one apparently harmless event?

He's not her parent.

I'd be furious if I was her too.

WTF? Why did I get my comment hidden? Is it because I used a homophone of "pawn" and the robot mod didn't like it?

How 'adult' are your 'adult' DC, do they live with you and your partner and is this out of character for them or have they tried to manipulate the situation before?

I just can't imagine a situation where I would threaten my mum with NC if she didn't 'pick me'. I struggle to think of something so bad that I would issue that kind of ultimatum and the only things I can think that might lead to that situation are well beyond 'messing about'!

Without saying what the incident was it is impossible to say if it is justified or not, it is a pointless question. From your reluctance to say it gives me the impression it was of a serious nature.

If both your children are threatening to cut you off over an incident that you characterize as “just mucking around”, I can only assume that either you are drastically minimizing the seriousness of the incident or that you and/or your partner had a fairly fraught or distant relationship with your children in the first place.

It's very difficult OP not to assume that what your DP did was quite serious if your DD has gone NC with you because of your lack of support. And the fact you are unwilling to say what happened adds to this feeling.

As your DC are adults then I would ordinarily say that sometimes yes it would be acceptable to put your DP first, depending on the situation. But the way you present this makes it very difficult to assume it would be right to do so in this situation.

Well of course it can -- if your DP ruffles your adult DC's hair and your adult DC demands you go no contact because of this, then by all means take your DP's side. But you already knew this. So what's the point of the question?

Is it something sexual?

Yes.

"No one got hurt" might mean no physical harm, but if my mum's ex had touched me or my sister in a way that creeped me out, I'd have been giving the "him or me" ultimatum too.

There are men out there who create and consume "steppy" porn, about men committing inappropriate sexual acts on their partner's daughters. Bear that in mind.

Be honest OP I don’t think mucking around would result in you being told to
leave him ! Mucking around in what way?

It’s not a hypothetical situation though is it? It happened. Saying what it was will help.

In real terms , both your DC have the same opinion. I wouldn’t be inclined to ignore that.

Yes of course it can.

Of course it can be justified in a variety of hypothetical situations, but the fact you cannot definitively say that it's justified in your case speaks volumes...🤷🏻